How do you get over being left for another women?

Doesitgetbetterever · 2025-12-30T22:59:18+00:00

Three years on and I still can not get over the destruction of our family unit. It blindsided me after we was together 12 years. Children were only nursery age when this happened. I’ve been to heaps of therapy, changed home, got a new job and still the feeling of sadness does not go. I am at such a loss at how I move forward. Christmas just feels like such a lonely time. All my friends are married and I feel like I somehow failed. I find life really hard as a single parent. I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing. Ex long moved on and he lives and work with the women he left us for abroad, so rarely sees the children. i feel incredibly low this evening. I feel pathetic and like I should be over this.

IHate · 30/12/2025 23:05

I suppose I’d ask myself why I wasn’t over it. It’s a horrid thing to happen, but it’s been three years - 25% of the time you were together. You can’t possibly want him back. So, what are you mourning?

I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing.

Why? Because a cheat picked someone else? Being ‘chosen’ by him can’t have been the thing that gave your existence meaning! If it was, now’s your opportunity to fix that.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 30/12/2025 23:06

IHate · 30/12/2025 23:05

I suppose I’d ask myself why I wasn’t over it. It’s a horrid thing to happen, but it’s been three years - 25% of the time you were together. You can’t possibly want him back. So, what are you mourning?

I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing.

Why? Because a cheat picked someone else? Being ‘chosen’ by him can’t have been the thing that gave your existence meaning! If it was, now’s your opportunity to fix that.

She is mourning the life she planned. He has fucked off abroad and left her and his children.

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 30/12/2025 23:09

IHate · 30/12/2025 23:05

I suppose I’d ask myself why I wasn’t over it. It’s a horrid thing to happen, but it’s been three years - 25% of the time you were together. You can’t possibly want him back. So, what are you mourning?

I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing.

Why? Because a cheat picked someone else? Being ‘chosen’ by him can’t have been the thing that gave your existence meaning! If it was, now’s your opportunity to fix that.

Because I am solo parenting, struggling to juggle everything. The circumstances have left me with a low income and I feel hugely concerned about my financial future.

Naive maybe but I never imagined I would be a single mother.

OP posts:

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/12/2025 23:13

It’s never about you, always their ego.

My friend is so beautiful in every way but her partner cheated on her countless times. He could never get enough admiration from others. I couldn’t trust him with my granny. The whole town where we lived was in shock, - asking why would he ever cheat on Lydia as she was such a catch, but he did.

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2025 23:15

This isn’t a place for tough love snd judgement. You are doing pkenty if that. I think three years is enough of a mourning period. Start sticking your toe back into life’s water. Slowly but deliberately. This will sound corny but try keeping a gratitude journal. You have a lot to be angry about, sure, but the more you concentrate on that the less you can find your inner self, your joy, your peace. Start by reading up on gratitude journal s if you want. Then jot down one thing every night no matter how small. Check in with yourself in a month.

Wallywobbles · 30/12/2025 23:15

By it not being another man. Then just avoid thinking about. Generally it’s a them issue not a you issue.

malificent7 · 30/12/2025 23:16

It is tougb being a single mum but why not date again? Even just for fun and companionship.
Or.forget men and apply for better paid jobs? You don't need that prick...she is welcome to him! Who would choose a ' dad' with small kids at home?
As for money...are u getting all the benefits you need?

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 30/12/2025 23:20

I have no childcare or support to date. I always have my kids. I also have read too many horror stories to have a man around my daughters. I’m honestly done with men. Too much trauma.

Working is so hard when you have no support and all the school runs pick ups, sickness and holidays to cover alone. I work flexibly around the kids but my pay is low. I feel trapped

OP posts:

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 30/12/2025 23:21

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2025 23:15

This isn’t a place for tough love snd judgement. You are doing pkenty if that. I think three years is enough of a mourning period. Start sticking your toe back into life’s water. Slowly but deliberately. This will sound corny but try keeping a gratitude journal. You have a lot to be angry about, sure, but the more you concentrate on that the less you can find your inner self, your joy, your peace. Start by reading up on gratitude journal s if you want. Then jot down one thing every night no matter how small. Check in with yourself in a month.

I will give this try thank you.

OP posts:

Fidgety31 · 30/12/2025 23:28

You could use childcare before and after school clubs etc . If you’re on a low income you will get universal credit towards the cost .
Get a better paid job. Then pay a babysitter to get out and have a life. .
It is utterly boring when life revolves solely around work and kids .

SunMoonandChocolate · 30/12/2025 23:30

When your marriage breaks up it can take a very long time to get over it, you are mourning the life you thought you would have for ever.

You say you've had therapy OP, but are you taking any sort of anti-depressants, as it sounds to me like you need to be. Maybe go and talk to your GP about how low you're feeling.

Also, are you getting regular exercise, as that can really help when you're feeling low, and of course with it being mid winter and having only just got through Christmas, it is a time when lots of people struggle, but if you wrap up warm, and go out for a good brisk walk, it's amazing how much better you feel when you get home.

I'm severely disabled, and as such have to spend many hours of the day, stuck in bed. When new people meet me, they always seems surprised that I'm so cheerful, but I discovered early on, that there is ALWAYS someone worse of than myself, and I've found that when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, which doesn't happen often, just occasionally, if I try and think about people who are worse off than me, it helps put life into perspective. For example, I'm all but bed bound, but other people are dying of Cancer, with no chance of a cure, so who is the lucky one - ME!!

CheshireSplat · 30/12/2025 23:37

I mean this with all kindness. My MIL has never got over her husband leaving her and their 3 children for OW. This was 35 years ago, DH is 50.

She is 77. Her children still find it really hard to tell her that they (and the grandchildren) are going to see him because she is still so [upset][bitter].

She has "won" as far as their respective relationships with their children and grandchildren have turned out. They don't see him much, the conversations are polite and stilted and meetings are for an hour or 2 at a time. She gets the sleepovers, the families staying for a week, the hurly burly of family life.

She never moved on. She is still heartbroken and really quite lonely at times even though her children, children in law and grandchildren really love her.

He's been married to his second wife now for much longer than his first.

My MIL is so lovely and has so much to offer. He left her 35 years ago. I hope at some point between this 3rd year and your 35th year, you can make your mind move on. She has a half life compared to what she could have had.

CheshireSplat · 30/12/2025 23:46

My point wasn't very clear in the end, sorry. What I meant to say is that I think it is possible to choose to have a positive mindset. Mo Gawdat is really interesting on this topic.

My MIL is so lovely but she has (chosen to) never got over being left. I wonder if she can be some kind of Ghost of Christmas Future for you. To encourage you to move on.

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 30/12/2025 23:48

CheshireSplat · 30/12/2025 23:37

I mean this with all kindness. My MIL has never got over her husband leaving her and their 3 children for OW. This was 35 years ago, DH is 50.

She is 77. Her children still find it really hard to tell her that they (and the grandchildren) are going to see him because she is still so [upset][bitter].

She has "won" as far as their respective relationships with their children and grandchildren have turned out. They don't see him much, the conversations are polite and stilted and meetings are for an hour or 2 at a time. She gets the sleepovers, the families staying for a week, the hurly burly of family life.

She never moved on. She is still heartbroken and really quite lonely at times even though her children, children in law and grandchildren really love her.

He's been married to his second wife now for much longer than his first.

My MIL is so lovely and has so much to offer. He left her 35 years ago. I hope at some point between this 3rd year and your 35th year, you can make your mind move on. She has a half life compared to what she could have had.

This is my biggest fear. I honestly wish I knew how to just be ok about everything. Or to be able to let it go. Nothing makes you feel more worthless than finding out the father of your children whom you loved was actually living a double life. Multiple affairs while I was pregnant and raising young children and I had not a clue. I feel embarrassed that I didn’t realise. That this man who seemed so kind hearted and everyone thought was such a good guy could cause so much trauma.

OP posts:

me24x · 30/12/2025 23:51

So sorry this happened to you OP. What a bastard. I have no advice but I hope 2026 will be your year! And remember, your kids will always know who was there for them. He seems to have forgotten that for now, but he will be the one regretting his choices I guarantee!

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 31/12/2025 00:03

SunMoonandChocolate · 30/12/2025 23:30

When your marriage breaks up it can take a very long time to get over it, you are mourning the life you thought you would have for ever.

You say you've had therapy OP, but are you taking any sort of anti-depressants, as it sounds to me like you need to be. Maybe go and talk to your GP about how low you're feeling.

Also, are you getting regular exercise, as that can really help when you're feeling low, and of course with it being mid winter and having only just got through Christmas, it is a time when lots of people struggle, but if you wrap up warm, and go out for a good brisk walk, it's amazing how much better you feel when you get home.

I'm severely disabled, and as such have to spend many hours of the day, stuck in bed. When new people meet me, they always seems surprised that I'm so cheerful, but I discovered early on, that there is ALWAYS someone worse of than myself, and I've found that when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, which doesn't happen often, just occasionally, if I try and think about people who are worse off than me, it helps put life into perspective. For example, I'm all but bed bound, but other people are dying of Cancer, with no chance of a cure, so who is the lucky one - ME!!

I think you sound remarkable. I wish I could be more like you.

I am on antidepressants. I have been for a few years now. I do also love to have a walk and I do agree I feel far more positive if I manage to get one into my day. I need to make more effort this winter to get out.

OP posts:

Youtoldmeonce · 31/12/2025 00:04

Do you get any maintenance money for the children?

Original poster

Doesitgetbetterever · 31/12/2025 00:06

Youtoldmeonce · 31/12/2025 00:04

Do you get any maintenance money for the children?

I do. I would rather have a consistent coparent though so I could work more and pay towards my future pension etc though.

OP posts:

pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2025 00:06

Doesitgetbetterever · 30/12/2025 23:48

This is my biggest fear. I honestly wish I knew how to just be ok about everything. Or to be able to let it go. Nothing makes you feel more worthless than finding out the father of your children whom you loved was actually living a double life. Multiple affairs while I was pregnant and raising young children and I had not a clue. I feel embarrassed that I didn’t realise. That this man who seemed so kind hearted and everyone thought was such a good guy could cause so much trauma.

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You teally have to flip this around. You are a normal person married to an abnormal man. He was a liar snd a thief. He stole your affection and your peace of mind. The pain arises from a natural feeling that you were , on some sense, a patsy. That he made a fool of you. But he was in disguise he masquerade ed as the man you could love until he dropped the mask and left. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT and its no reflection on you. Is the bank embarrassed when it is robbed? No. Bad things happen to people. They just do. You didn’t cause it.

ZeppelinTits · 31/12/2025 00:47

OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wonder if some EMDR therapy would help you? You used the word trauma and I think that’s right - you have been through a trauma, the trauma of betrayal, and you are stuck in it. I think something like EMDR which has a great success rate could be transformative for you.

Tryingatleast · 31/12/2025 00:51

I know it’s hard to see it but a) you’ll never feel as low as you did when he left and b) your kids are the most important thing and you’re lucky enough to have them. No money or man is better than that. Sorry you’re finding it tough though x

DeftGoldHedgehog · 31/12/2025 00:56

He sounds like a prize nobhead and I would breathe a sigh of relief that he was out of my life once I'd finished kicking myself up the arse for not spotting it sooner and actually having kids with such a wanker.

SunMoonandChocolate · 31/12/2025 00:57

Doesitgetbetterever · 31/12/2025 00:03

I think you sound remarkable. I wish I could be more like you.

I am on antidepressants. I have been for a few years now. I do also love to have a walk and I do agree I feel far more positive if I manage to get one into my day. I need to make more effort this winter to get out.

Show quote history

Thank you OP, that's very kind of you. You'd be surprised how easy it is to start thinking like I do, and focusing on how the lives of others are even harder than your own, as I say, it really helps put things in perspective.

I'm glad you enjoy a walk, and hope that you'll also work on doing more of it during the winter months, if it helps, set yourself up with a treat to have when you get back, a cup of hot chocolate, or a nice bubble bath, some sort of reward to give you even more of a high for making the effort to go out.

With regard to the anti-depressants, I've been on them for years due to a chemical imbalance, rather than a life event, so have a lot of experience. Can I ask when you last had a review of your meds, as you may be thinking what's the point of taking them, if they're not making a difference, whereas it could just be that your body has got used to them and you need a different type, or that you're not currently on a strong enough dose, so if you haven't spoken to your GP recently, please go and have a chat about it. At the end of the day, it's hard being a single parent normally, especially with the cost of living as it is, but it's even harder if you're not starting off from a good place, and as you're clearly struggling, it does seem to me that you need something stronger to level up your mood, and help you to cope.

If you want to start practicing being grateful for what you've got, next time you go for a walk, think of me, stuck in bed, unable to get out and enjoy a good old stomp around the park, and then count your blessings because YOU can!!

Honestly, I won't begrudge you enjoying that moment!😁

EconomyClassRockstar · 31/12/2025 00:58

That dick doesn't deserve one more minute of your thoughts. If you're worried about money, start concentrating on how you can retrain/grow in your career/find a side hustle. Find something FOR YOU, unrelated to the children. And have a big ol hug because the fact that you're there being the parent means everything. x

Aine1974 · 31/12/2025 00:59

Hey love...I haven't read all the replies ..but please keep your chin up...same happened to me...ive struggled for years..struggling still with only one child...but I promise you..im his hero..not the vouchers..not the holidays..just me..keeping a roof over his head...hes 19 now and not in a million years did I expect to be a single parent either. You do it coz you have to...and you can..they will be proud of you once they realise. X