How do you get over being left for another women?

[Doesitgetbetterever]

Three years on and I still can not get over the destruction of our family unit. It blindsided me after we was together 12 years. Children were only nursery age when this happened.

I’ve been to heaps of therapy, changed home, got a new job and still the feeling of sadness does not go. I am at such a loss at how I move forward. Christmas just feels like such a lonely time. All my friends are married and I feel like I somehow failed. I find life really hard as a single parent. I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing.

Ex long moved on and he lives and work with the women he left us for abroad, so rarely sees the children.

i feel incredibly low this evening. I feel pathetic and like I should be over this.

ExDH left me for my best friend 27/28 years ago - it didn’t last and he’s now on DW3
DC were 4 and 5 - it took years to get past it
Eventually I realised it said far more about him than me, I’ve had other healthier relationships, rebuilt my career and now at 60+ have financial independence, a deep relationship with my adult DC that he envies and this year am about to become a grandparent - who I know will be much closer to me than with him
It happens imperceptibly - but I am so over it and grateful for the life and opportunities which being a lone parent gave me although at the time it was very very hard
It made me stronger
I wish you all the best for moving forward into 2026

Christ alive, who ARE all these bloody awful people? Shagging your wife’s best friend? Beyond vile. And your best friend shagging your husband? Hideous. Awful people who deserve nothing. I’m so pleased you are doing well x

@Mrspatmoresapprentice the double betrayal made it far worse - it left me struggling to trust anyone - in hard times you turn to your friends if not best friend and I’d shared my worries about when I’d felt he was distancing himself not knowing who or why!

OP it can be hardest when the kids are young but then get easier. The kids are more robust than you think and probably don't need much or any time off school for sickness.

I'm probably ten years on from you now, life has got so much better and I'm so glad I'm not with my ex. He'sscrewed up had multiple relationships, I'm in a good long term one. No need to live with a new man. Focus on work and independence and your self esteem will grow. Date when you feel ready, but don't value yourself based on a man/relationship.

I am sure it did! Of course it would, it’s such a bloody awful thing to do.
My BFF has been in my life forever, there is nothing, literally nothing that could induce me to do that to her. Never. And I’ve no doubt you are the same!
As you well know, what they did is about them (weak, cowardly, lacking integrity, sad, desperate twats) and nothing to do with you. And imagine having to live with knowing you’d done that? I just couldn’t…

I know this could be read as brutal, but do you want yours and your children’s life defined by the selfishness of one man… whoever and whatever roles he should have had. Literally fuck him. Stop it. It’s 2026. Straighten your crown & move on to a positive happy life. Don’t look back.

It was a different set of circumstances for me as we had no children so l could cut him loose totally. I was 11 year in and pretty blindsided. Twist is he was super keen to “marry her and have babies with her”. Yes, he told me that and l pushed on with the divorce and she was allegedly a friend of mine. Fast forward to now l have a non-cheating husband (as far as l know!) and 2 amazing children. They have failed on the conceiving front and are both total states. Super funny for me with my fun loving and liking after himself husband 🤷‍♀️

In your shoes the he’s a twat for opting out and doing that to his children. Karma can be quite brutal (just saying!). Plus whenever he is late home from work then l bet she is a bit?!?! Deep down

Hi @Doesitgetbetterever

Have a look at the free online courses with the Open University. You can do them at your own pace, some are badged for CPD. Others are interesting to explore what you might want to do in future.

https://www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses

I wish you peace and happiness for the year ahead, and I hope this is useful for you. Bookmark the link if you aren’t ready just yet.

I had EMDR on the NHS. It took a long time to get it but it was extremely helpful and I turned a really big corner.

I had a similar experience to you OP. It's a long road to recovery but please don't despair, or doubt that you'll get better in time.

Wishing you a happier new year.