How do you get over being left for another women?

[Doesitgetbetterever]

Three years on and I still can not get over the destruction of our family unit. It blindsided me after we was together 12 years. Children were only nursery age when this happened.

I’ve been to heaps of therapy, changed home, got a new job and still the feeling of sadness does not go. I am at such a loss at how I move forward. Christmas just feels like such a lonely time. All my friends are married and I feel like I somehow failed. I find life really hard as a single parent. I feel completely broke and I often just wonder what’s the point. I’m barely existing.

Ex long moved on and he lives and work with the women he left us for abroad, so rarely sees the children.

i feel incredibly low this evening. I feel pathetic and like I should be over this.

What an incredibly selfish man leaving his wife and young children to move abroad for another woman
You deserve better. I'm sure it'll be a matter of time before he's does the same to the OW. I am sorry you have been treated like this. Keep moving forward. Eventually things will improve and hopefully in the future you'll meet someone muxh nicer.

My friend’s husband left her for another woman. It almost destroyed her and she has never got over it.

A bit like grieving, she’s learned to live along side it. She’s met and married someone else and she is happy, but she’s never been the same and she’s come to terms with that.

You haven’t failed - he has - and in the worst way possible. Leaving aside his failure at marriage, he has failed as a parent by effectively abandoning his children.

You, on the other hand, have stepped up and are doing it all. Well done. You’re the one there day by day loving and working for your children. You are far stronger.

Please take pride in yourself.

It’s not always as easy as “getting a better paid job”. You know nothing about the ops skill set or the area she lives in.

Really this situation is more like a bereavement because the person you thought he was is dead as is your marriage and family life as you knew it. So 3 years is not that long. Probably you will just learn to carry it with you and not really think about it rather than get over it as such. They say the best revenge is living well, an you could focus on your own life, your goals and hobbies, retraining, that sort of thing and plan a few nice things for you and dc.

This. With bells on. It’s him not you. Pity the poor cow he’s currently with. It won’t last.

And you want to live happily ever after? This dickhead leaving is a big step in that direction.

Pity the poor cow he’s currently with. It won’t last.

My friend whose husband left her and their baby used to hope this. But he actually married the OW and is extremely happy many years in. We have another friend whose husband left her and he’s married the OW too. It’s much worse to leave a marriage for a fling, imo.

I'm SO pleased you live somewhere beautiful and are going out for a walk to enjoy it, please remember how lucky you are to be able to do this, and enjoy it for me too, as I'm currently stuck in bed again.

I'm also pleased to hear that you're planning on getting a medication review, I really hope that they give you something that will help you feel more like your normal self, which is bound to help you cope.

With regard to the fact that you say you seem to be getting on OK, and then he comes back into your life demanding contact, is there an access arrangement in place, or is it just a case of him turning up and demanding to see the children? If it's the latter, tell him to get lost, and DO NOT LISTEN to anything else that he has to say, just put the phone down, or shut the door in his face. If he wants access, then let him get it through the courts, which I doubt very much that he'll bother to do if he lives abroad.

Maybe it's time to start thinking about dating again too. I know that's probably the last thing that you want to do, but wouldn't it be nice to give some other lucky guy the chance to tell you how fabulous you are, instead of allowing this gerk to pull you down every time he pops back into your life?

I can totally understand the feelings of loneliness at this time of year when you only have little ones for company, but try reframing it, and thinking 'I must make the most of this time with my kids, as they'll have grown up before I know it'. Most of us don't appreciate how quickly they will grow up, until it's happened, so I really do encourage you to enjoy it now, while you can.

Also, do you have any hobbies that you can do during the times when you're alone, or do you tend to just sit and watch TV or scroll the internet? If it's the latter, then maybe try something new, that's where the internet really comes into it's own, as not only can it give you hundreds of ideas of things to try, but you can also usually find free classes online to learn them.

Finally, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you a VERY Happy New Year, OP, let this be the year that you take back your power, and shove the arsehole that left you, so far into the past that he's but a faint shadow.

Ahh, there you have it. Multiple affairs. Not just one.

In many ways I feel this is much easier to move on from. It wasn't that there was something so incredibly special and irresistible about the woman he ended up with. He was just someone who was fundamentally broken and sought happiness and validation inside other women. And his current partner gets to have a habitual cheater for a partner, lucky her.

You're free of him. Date, or don't, but you have a precious opportunity to live an honest, truthful, lovely life full of love and friendship, without your wellbeing and health being put at risk by someone so utterly selfish.

I have been where you are and it’s really tough. It is very difficult to get over it because you are living with the consequences every day and life is really hard as a single parent. My ex left when my youngest was 3. They are early 20’s now and I will always be resentful of the time I missed with them, the loss of family life and the sheer difficulty of years and years of having to cope as a single parent. I have remained single and accepted that the romantic part of me is broken forever. But gradually I calved out a different life for myself, built friendships, developed my hobby and career. The most important thing is that I am incredibly close to my kids. All the sacrifices I have made for them have been totally worth it. They know I will always be there for them no matter what and they are thriving, well balanced individuals who I am mega proud of. It’s a tough thing to go through but there are payoffs. Stick with it.

I went back to school at 56 in the US and retrained as a clinical social work and am now, ten years later, a successful therapist/clinician with a private practice. I love my work. Two years of coursework and two years of supervision at an agency serving homeless people with psychotic illnesses. It was not subsidized here but your training might be.

Fantastic! Go you.

Im 6 years on. Have so much trauma from it that it affects me alot. Therapy didnt help. He left me for my best friend who was telling me at the time that I wasnt good enough for him and I was affecting his mental health. Also that she was the only friend who understood. Whilst he told me that he only slept with me to keep me quiet.

Yeah. I have big trust issues with everyone now.

How about a career in the NHS?
I am an AHP and it can be quite flexible in some areas. Mature students are welcomed.

Jesus Christ, that is horrific. I’m so sorry. But, you do know, that is absolutely nothing to do with you? You had the great misfortune to have two people in your life who were complete thundercunts. It happens.
And for what it’s worth? I don’t believe they ever get off scott free. They might play the happy card, but in the dead of the night, when it’s quiet, and they have nothing but their own thoughts? They know. And that knowledge will never leave them. Imagine living your life like that, knowing deep in your soul that you are a hideous, awful person? Dreadful.
Whereas for you? You did nothing wrong, so you can leave it all behind. Leave those fuckers in 2025, they don’t deserve your future xxx

Firstly I want to wish you all very positive and happy new year. I’m so sorry so many others have also walked in these shoes. I know just how hard it has been to keep putting one foot in front of the other at times, you are all amazing in my eyes.

I am continuing to read and take on board all your advice. I have been seriously looking into career retraining this evening but feeling a bit lost on what direction to go. At 38 I still do not know what I want to do when I grow up!! I want to get strong financial independence. So much of my past trauma of becoming a single parent stemmed from not being self sufficient and I really regret my younger me life choices. But onwards and upwards.

This truly is just awful. I am so very sorry the two people you cared for and trusted would feel it acceptable to treat another in this way. As past posters have said, I am not sure you ever truly get over such trauma of betrayal, it becomes a part of you but I really wish you all the future happiness you deserve.

38 is still so young, you have time to do what you want to do with your life. Happy New Year @Doesitgetbetterever, onwards and upwards.

Thank you both. I focus on raising my 3 children who are amazing and doing so well. And at 41 im doing my degree and will then be doing teacher training at my school. Getting qualifications i should have got years ago

I will never get over it and never trust deeply again. But im happy single with my children and my animals and have all I need

OP I am giving you a story of hope. I also posted similarly 3 years post-break up. Everyone posted back it was time to move on. This really helped me - it shocked me at the time as I was feeling well within my rights to still be angry. But it set me questioning myself - was I actually just used to feeling angry with him? Feelings don’t stay the same for years. Dont get used to feeling angry and just assume you still feel it.

3.5 years after breaking up I forgave him. We now co-parent happily, I am completely and utterly better and happy - time does heal the wound but you need to help yourself get over it. Move yourself on. There’s a whole lovely life out there. It’s so lucky you have your kids and can focus on them and how great they are.

OP, hat off to you, life as a single parent is tough sometimes.

You won’t give a closure from him(why) so give yourself a closure.

Gratitude as people said is great.Even if you’re on the bones of your arse there’s always something to be grateful for.

Try to get closer to nature to unwind. Eat well,sleep well.Find a hobby, double points if you can get kids on board. Swimming together? Forest walk? Park run?

As for finances-find out if there are any careers fayres(sp) nearby. They are sometimes organised by LA or by secondary schools-this is the way to find career advisor and enquire about possible training/different job/general life direction.

Life’s an unfair bitch sometimes. It’s ok to wail and grieve for what it might have been but you have to move on for the sake of your kids(and yourself).

Give yourself permission to live. Push yourself gently.Don’t let your past hold your future. Good luck 💐

Just keep telling yourself this is a moral failing on his part, and absolutely nothing to do with you. I think you are stuck as somehow you are feeling like this was your fault, and you were not enough. No, he was not enough! The fact that he's pissed off overseas without a care for his children shows just how deep his moral failing goes.
Your best revenge will be to live your life well. Don't let him steal anymore of your one precious life, he doesn't deserve to take your peace anymore.

I waited for his/their downfall. I don't see how else you could get over it otherwise? It's soul destroying, ruins your confidence and outlook and he thinks he can swan off without a care in the world while you're broken.

Best way to move on is to date, and keep meeting new people.

When you start being attracted by different men, for different reasons, but more importantly, they being attracted to you, your ex doesn't stand the comparison for very long and soon become a distant memory.

Celebrate if they’re that much of an arsehole to leave you and young children you are better off without them, everything happens for a reason, you were meant for better things.
enjoy your life you only have one.