How do I tell my husband to wax his back?

[ConfusedCarly]

This is my first post on here so can someone help me tell
my husband to wax his back. My daughter always says on holiday he is like a tree and it’s very embarrassing.
Should I be concerned how much hair is on his back.
HELP ME!!!

You can’t ask him without sounding rude because it IS rude.

I’m also TeamBackHair. A hairy man is really sexy.

As a naturally hairy man, I'm a bit self-conscious about my back and my wife kindly trims it with an electric shaver before we go on holiday, swimming etc. This is at my request; she's never asked me to do it and has always accepted the way my body is. She makes me feel desirable.

I hope this mirrors the way we both behave in relation to her body hair: she chooses to shave her legs and armpits, but she initiates this and I would never judge her or pass comment if she chose not to.

Frankly, I think posters on here who are expressing revulsion or even nausea at the mere thought of a hairy male back should take a long hard look at themselves. Imagine a site where men talked together about women with natural leg, underarm and pubic hair, expressed disgust and revulsion and posted emojis like 🤢 and 🤮, and plotted how to tell "their" women to modify their bodies to fit with their male ideas of feminine attractiveness. Surely you can see how unacceptable that would be? This is no different.

To the OP: if you can find a way of bringing this up and he chooses to do something about it then I think trimming, shaving or using hair removal cream at home is a more realistic idea than having it waxed professionally. The pain of waxing isn't the primary issue so much as the embarrassment and self-consciousness associated with finding a salon offering waxing (often these are mostly frequented by female customers) and asking for help, which would require your husband to publicly acknowledge and act as if the body he's previously been comfortable with is now unacceptable to the world.

This is it for me, if my husband started faffing about and preening (he does shave his head and trim his beard) I would be like wtf? And it would be off putting for me. As said previously I do keep myself tidy etc but it’s not excessive, prob once a week.
Saying that I don’t do anything with my eyebrows or go for any ‘tweaks’.
We love each other and fancy each other…..we’re not superficial.

I do love a masculine hairy man though! 😬

I’m convinced this thread was posted by the daughter in this situation, presumably aged around…11?

When you married him, did he have hairy back, or did it miraculously grow 🪴 during the time together?
Embarrassing for whom? Instagram pictures?
😐

Well surely if Ops daughter was embarrassed by her own body hair then she wouldn't be removing it to please other people? She would be removing it because she doesn't like it.

I wouldn’t tell anyone to remove body hair nor would I expect to be Tod

Makes me sad to read this…imagine some of these comments the other way round about a woman looking “unsightly”

There is nothing sexier than a hairy man imo!

Or the name of his football team, if he has one!

Hard agree.

Or the name of a rival team. That would motivate him to get rid.

Or just accept him for who he is

I'm not a hairy back fan, my husband is so I say nothing- just love him as he is. He isn't a fan of hairy legs, I'm happy to shave few and far between- he just loves me as I am.

Honestly I get the parental embarrassment as a teen, who didn't feel it for something or other, however you do need to shut it down OP. I'm curious, if your dd found your face ew for you not wearing enough makeup, found any wobbly bits of yours ew and suggested you cover or suggested you wax/shave somewhere she found ew- all of which you found fine and a part of you- what would you do? How would you feel if she went to your husband and he told you? Would you expect him to have shut it down? DW our dd finds you wearing a bikini at the beach embarrassing, can you cover up?

Really you should sympathise on her feeling embarrassed but very firmly tell her it's not her body or choice. Kids in Reception are taught (if not before by parents) not to comment on other people's bodies and especially not to shame.

I'm wondering if the OP has been banned?

She started a separate thread last night, calling everyone on this thread big meanies.

It got zapped pretty quickly.

You can't tell another person what to do with their body, simply because it does not visually please you. (Different if i.e. someone is not washing themselves and expecting close contact with you as that is directly affecting you.) How would you like it if he "made" you and your daughter wax your body hair?

Presumably you knew your husband had a hirsute back before you married him so it can't have bothered you that much.

It's hardly unusual, plenty of blokes have hairy backs. I'm laughing though at "like a tree". (Trees aren't hairy!) When I was little our bald NDN used to do the gardening shirtless and he had a very hairy back. Sister and I would joke between ourselves that his hair must have slipped off his head and down his back. She also once exclaimed "he looks like he's wearing half a dog". Now we are grown ups and don't bat an eyelid at the various different bodies we might see on a beach holiday. Your daughter will get over it too, at least I hope so.

I like a hairy man, myself.

Perhaps teach your daughter to accept that people come in all shapes and sizes and levels of hirsutism? She's bloody rude and needs to wind that in.

You can't tell him to wax it specifically as it's painful and not something a person should demand of someone else. It should always be a personal decision. I'd be mortified if a man demanded I waxed. Though I would accept them voicing their preference for no/less hair.

You can say you find his back hair a bit of a turn off, or just that he'd look better without it. But the method he chooses to remove it shouldn't have to be the most painful.

You can express your opinion as can your daughter that you think he will look better if he did that (or had laser treatment for hair removal). However, it is his decision whether to do anything as a result.

It’s not up to you.

I think it’s weird to find a bit of back hair repulsive.

I like hairy men though. But saying that, if I DIDN’T like hairy men I wouldn’t expect my husband to wax his back on my say so.

His back, his body, his choice, my DH has a hairy back, it doesn't affect me in any way. He likes it that way,

I have a hairy back. I'd be properly miffed if DP asked me to wax it. I had it when she met me, she could have ditched me then if she didn't like it.

I don't tell her what to do with her body, she doesn't tell me what to do with mine. This is happiness maintained.

Well.. a starting point would be to ask him if her likes his hairy back. If he does then you’ll have to like it too. If he doesn’t that’s when you have the conversation about next steps.

You say wax your back

So it's never bothered you but suddenly your DD saying something makes you want him to do something about it?

Really?

If this is true why does your DD's opinion carry weight. She sounds quite nasty

It sounds unpleasantly as if you have roped your daughter into the OP to give some veneer of respectability to your overbearing wish to control your husband's approach to personal grooming. Are you trying to create the impression that he ought to remove his back hair for his daughter's sake?

Leave him alone. His hair, his choice.