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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I tell my husband to wax his back?

128 replies

ConfusedCarly · 30/12/2025 18:29

This is my first post on here so can someone help me tell
my husband to wax his back. My daughter always says on holiday he is like a tree and it’s very embarrassing.
Should I be concerned how much hair is on his back.
HELP ME!!!

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 31/12/2025 00:00

Leave your DHs back alone...!

#TeamBackHair

Hankunamatata · 31/12/2025 00:01

Ask him to consider lazer treatment. Much longer lasting and less painful

InterestedDad37 · 31/12/2025 00:04

Shave a Nike tick into it, or a maze, or a smiley face.

GlomOfNit · 31/12/2025 00:07

He will have had a hairy back when you met him so what's changed?

I think this sort of mindless Ick about perfectly normal body variations is really miserable. My son is naturally really hairy and I'd hate to think that some brainwashed girl won't give him the time of day because porn-addled idiots have told her that body hair is yucky. FFS.

Your DH clearly has plenty of the right male hormones. Fashions change - in the 70's this was viewed as really sexy. You and your daughter sound pretty shallow, TBH.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 31/12/2025 00:10

ConfusedCarly · 30/12/2025 23:51

Thank you so much this is one of my few nice comments
Everyone seems to be hating on me and my daughter
Your lucky you do that my sister does that for her husband and he chooses to have it done as she told him I just don’t know about how to tell him or ask him without sounding rude

Show quote history

Eh? You and your DD are trying to shame your DH/DF into changing something that is perfectly natural for his body (and for many other men) - and the people telling you that you are wrong to do this are the ones who aren't nice?

Is it like the old 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' - 'the people who are telling me off for not being nice are not nice'?!

GlomOfNit · 31/12/2025 00:12

GreywackeJ · 30/12/2025 23:41

To me, it’s as unusual as a woman sporting hairy legs or armpits. You lot are very tolerant. I’d be utterly repulsed by a hairy back.

My husband has but a smattering of hair on his shoulders at the back and he gets me to wax it off. It’s quite unusual nowadays for men to sport the hair nature intended - grooming to a certain degree is completely normal for both sexes.

you're a bit behind the times then - the Beautiful Young Things I know are starting to appreciate their leg and underarm hair and go au naturel! I think that's great. In any case, younger women growing out leg or underarm hair is no longer a rarity.

pinkpony88 · 31/12/2025 00:17

ConfusedCarly · 30/12/2025 23:51

Thank you so much this is one of my few nice comments
Everyone seems to be hating on me and my daughter
Your lucky you do that my sister does that for her husband and he chooses to have it done as she told him I just don’t know about how to tell him or ask him without sounding rude

Show quote history

But however you phrase it it’s rude. And hurtful. You are saying I don’t like something about you and you should change it. I’m not hating on you but just trying to get you to see that it’s hurtful. I would be really upset if my husband started trying to “fix” the things about me he’d decided he didn’t like.

SaySomethingMan · 31/12/2025 00:17

i’m not even looking at a hairy back and i’m gagging a bit.
It’s not ridiculous to ask your DH to consider removing the hair on his back. He doesn’t see it and it’s not a big thing to do to mIntIn attraction, is it?

XenoBitch · 31/12/2025 00:20

SaySomethingMan · 31/12/2025 00:17

i’m not even looking at a hairy back and i’m gagging a bit.
It’s not ridiculous to ask your DH to consider removing the hair on his back. He doesn’t see it and it’s not a big thing to do to mIntIn attraction, is it?

No one gets a hairy back overnight. I assume OP has been ok with it up until her DD was embarrassed by it.
Her DD needs to get a grip. One day, anyone close to her could be embarrassed by something she is ok with, and I bet she would be raging.

Nomplemome · 31/12/2025 00:20

This is lame and I honestly think it is offensive to your husband… let him be himself and both of you should think about loving yourselves and each other for your own individuality!

Does he “tell” you how to groom your body or looks in any way?

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 31/12/2025 00:21

It's interesting that it is only since your daughter commented on your husband's hairy back that it has made you question whether he should wax it. It obviously hasn't bothered you up to now. If your husband isn't bothered one way or another, you could suggest covering his back in shaving foam and shaving it for him in the bath, just for your holiday, then let it grow back for the rest of the year, tell him he'll get a better tan! If it really doesn't bother either of you, leave it alone, your daughter must be told to keep such personal opinions to herself, it's a natural manly body, I'd rather see that than an effeminate looking hairless male body 😉

FlockofSquirrels · 31/12/2025 00:22

Has your DH ever told you and your DD about parts of your bodies that he finds gross and wants changed? How did that go over?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 31/12/2025 00:23

People aren't being unkind by pointing out that your comment is body shaming, uncalled for and rude

saraclara · 31/12/2025 00:30

ask her if she'd like a few comments on what she ought to be doing with her body.

Indeed.

On the other hand, it's sounds rather like the OP is using her daughter's comment as an excuse to get her DH to get his back waxed, and that it's OP that doesn't like the hairiness.

TheMorgenmuffel · 31/12/2025 00:36

GreywackeJ · 30/12/2025 23:41

To me, it’s as unusual as a woman sporting hairy legs or armpits. You lot are very tolerant. I’d be utterly repulsed by a hairy back.

My husband has but a smattering of hair on his shoulders at the back and he gets me to wax it off. It’s quite unusual nowadays for men to sport the hair nature intended - grooming to a certain degree is completely normal for both sexes.

Ooh I think hairy men are really sexy.
Theres just something so nice (to me) about stroking a really hairy man.

MaggieBsBoat · 31/12/2025 00:43

God you sound shallow and awful and you should be teaching your daughter to not bodyshame others.

It is rude. HTH.

SoftBalletShoes · 31/12/2025 00:48

His body, his choice. I sympathise though - I hate hairy backs. 🤢

AlexaBeQuiet · 31/12/2025 00:50

ConfusedCarly · 30/12/2025 23:51

Thank you so much this is one of my few nice comments
Everyone seems to be hating on me and my daughter
Your lucky you do that my sister does that for her husband and he chooses to have it done as she told him I just don’t know about how to tell him or ask him without sounding rude

Show quote history

My partner has a back wax and always before a beach / pool holiday. I can’t stand the furry bear look and neither can he. Maybe suggest it will be cooler in the heat on holiday not to have a fur rug on your back, just a thought.

DiscoBeat · 31/12/2025 00:51

What's with the dramatic HELP ME in capitals? It's up to him and if he's happy leave him alone. It's also not a very message to send to your daughter.

Franjipanl8r · 31/12/2025 01:02

No one should wax at all IMO, but suggesting a trim is fine. I’d want DH to tell me if my chin hairs got too wild and needed a trim!

Parsleyforme · 31/12/2025 01:04

Ask him in the same way you would be happy for him to ask you to remove the hair on your armpits, legs or vulva. So probably not “you need to wax because you’re embarrassing”

XenoBitch · 31/12/2025 01:05

Parsleyforme · 31/12/2025 01:04

Ask him in the same way you would be happy for him to ask you to remove the hair on your armpits, legs or vulva. So probably not “you need to wax because you’re embarrassing”

Careful. I suggested he might say the about her facial hair and my comment was deleted.
Double standards!

QuietlyWonderful · 31/12/2025 01:14

I've just tried this out on my DP and asked if he would wax his back. His somewhat startled response: 'have you been looking at some questionable website?'

Just tell your daughter to back off!

Meadowfinch · 31/12/2025 01:28

Perhaps tell your dd to stop being so ignorant, ill mannered and superficial.

That would be a good place to start.

mondaytosunday · 31/12/2025 02:33

You can’t tell him, but you can tell your DD that people have different attributes and she should accept that without judgement.