Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen son doesn't want to come on holiday

94 replies

SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:15

We try to have a family holiday once a year. My 14 year old doesn't want to come.

On the last holiday he came on, he spent the entire week lying on his bed in the hotel room, only leaving when he absolutely had to get food and then rushing back.

It ruined the holiday for all of us, really, because I felt we couldn't leave him at the hotel and have days out (he was 13). It meant we were tied to the area and we didn't do as much as we'd hoped.

Now he's saying he doesn't want to come with us at all on our next family holiday. He wants to go and stay at one of his friends for the week while my husband and I go somewhere with our other son (12).

I don't know what to do. If I take him, he'll probably be awful. But how can I not take him?

Advice???

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 30/12/2025 16:16

Can he articulate why? Is there a reason i.e. not coping with the heat, not getting on with sibling?

Chamomileteaplease · 30/12/2025 16:17

Crikey, if that's how he behaved last year and he is saying he still feels the same this year, I would leave him to it. Sounds like everyone would be happier.

Would his friend's parents be happy to have him for a week?

Original poster
SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:18

That's an excellent question that we haven't broached yet. I think he's nicer with his friends parents than he is with us, so they might do!

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/12/2025 16:18

I would leave him behind, but not with a friend. Are there any relatives that could have him while you're away?

My gripe against staying with a friend is that it sounds a little bit as though they have cooked this up and I'd worry what they intended to get up to. But I'm a suspicious cow.

Original poster
SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:19

Yeah, I was thinking of asking my lovely sister if she's house sit for a week. Would that be better?

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 30/12/2025 16:19

Don’t make him go. Let him stay at his friends.

Question, do you ever let him choose the family holiday?

Paradoes · 30/12/2025 16:20

Tough one. Are his friends parents OK with this?
My son is slightly younger but we go to a theme park place abroad and he loves it. I think i would go on holiday though if I were you.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 30/12/2025 16:21

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/12/2025 16:18

I would leave him behind, but not with a friend. Are there any relatives that could have him while you're away?

My gripe against staying with a friend is that it sounds a little bit as though they have cooked this up and I'd worry what they intended to get up to. But I'm a suspicious cow.

They may have cooked up a week of fun sleepovers. I don’t see why you’re suspicious to the point of wanting to make him miserable.

Original poster
SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:21

Yes, they take it in turns to choose where we go.

OP posts:
PurpleCoo · 30/12/2025 16:22

I'd be wanting to know what the problem is? Is it the location? Type of holiday? Do you all decide together where you are going? If not, why not?

MumofCandR · 30/12/2025 16:23

I can't believe you would let a 13 and now 14 year old dictate what you do as a family on holiday... You're the adults? Really? Kids don't get to rule the roost, unless they're paying their way and even then they follow the adults rules.

Original poster
SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:23

We all decide where we go. Generally the kids take it in turns to choose.

The "problem" is that he doesn't want to be seen with his family (he says).

OP posts:
FieryA · 30/12/2025 16:24

I would certainly ask him to give clear answers for his reluctance to come. Does he not enjoy spending time with his family? Has he made some plan with this friend already? In any case, it's always better if he stays with a family member and visit the friend during the day.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/12/2025 16:27

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 30/12/2025 16:21

They may have cooked up a week of fun sleepovers. I don’t see why you’re suspicious to the point of wanting to make him miserable.

Show quote history

I'm suspicious because it's exactly what my eldest (who's now in his thirties) would come up with at the age of 14. Obviously I don't know OPs son, but it's still a lot to put on another family to whom he's not related anyway.

Cherrytree86 · 30/12/2025 16:31

Then you shouldn’t go on holiday. Simple as.

youalright · 30/12/2025 16:35

Have you talked to him about the type of holiday is there anywhere specific he wants to go

HangrySeal · 30/12/2025 16:35

SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:23

We all decide where we go. Generally the kids take it in turns to choose.

The "problem" is that he doesn't want to be seen with his family (he says).

Then leave him home with your sister to house sit. The rest of you get to holiday in peace and enjoy yourselves, your sister will be there to prevent any kerfuffle, and your 14 year old doesn't get to punish all of you by sulking.

BruFord · 30/12/2025 16:37

I wouldn’t take him if he’s going to be a complete misery. But, I’d speak to his friend’s parents about this staying with them for a week- are they happy about this or have the boys cooked this up between them?!

My two (20 and 17) weren’t great travel companions on their early teens either, but they’re happy to go with us now. Since going to uni, DD (20) especially appreciates the benefits of parents paying for everything!

ChopstickNovice · 30/12/2025 16:38

He doesn't want to be seen? By who? You're on holiday presumably fairly far from anyone who may know him!!

MummaMummaMumma · 30/12/2025 16:40

Is he able to bring a friend with him?

JamesClyman · 30/12/2025 16:41

If his mate's family will have him for a week I'd send him without a 2nd thought!

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2025 16:42

SJH1971 · 30/12/2025 16:23

We all decide where we go. Generally the kids take it in turns to choose.

The "problem" is that he doesn't want to be seen with his family (he says).

Do you never go anywhere in the UK? The shops? Or anywhere?

HangrySeal · 30/12/2025 16:43

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 30/12/2025 16:21

They may have cooked up a week of fun sleepovers. I don’t see why you’re suspicious to the point of wanting to make him miserable.

Show quote history

My parents once planned to go away for a weekend and thought they could trust us. Well, they could trust me, but quick as a wink my 14 year old sister was passing handprinted invitations to a party at our house, to all her friends at school. ( I found one and handed it to our parents, saying "You might want to see this!")

We were sent to stay with family friends for the weekend, and the cops were asked to make sure they drove by randomly over the Saturday, just in case anyone showed up. DSis was furious, her invitees were complaining about the lack of a party for weeks after. I'm sure they would have trashed the place.

This kind of behavior out of 14 year olds is why parents can be suspicious. And surely the OP knows her 14 year old better than we do about why she might be suspicious in particular.

Parky04 · 30/12/2025 16:44

MumofCandR · 30/12/2025 16:23

I can't believe you would let a 13 and now 14 year old dictate what you do as a family on holiday... You're the adults? Really? Kids don't get to rule the roost, unless they're paying their way and even then they follow the adults rules.

Easier said then done! My 13 year old just had a strop for the whole holiday. Last holiday he ever went on. He stayed with my parents whilst we went away. It was bliss!

HelenaWilson · 30/12/2025 16:45

Then you shouldn’t go on holiday. Simple as.

Why should the rest of the family miss out?

Swipe left for the next trending thread