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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him?

115 replies

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:12

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc.

I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think).

I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him.

Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

OP posts:
ArseSkinForAFriend · 30/12/2025 16:14

I don't blame either of you.

I wouldn't want all that fannying around and disappointment, and also don't fancy a long flight to the far East.

But if you and the kids do, just go and have a fantastic time.

somanychristmaslights · 30/12/2025 16:16

I must say, I would find all that rather stressful. Does he work? How easy is it for him to get time off? Keep changing plans would really stress me out.

Londonrach1 · 30/12/2025 16:18

If find it very stressful the last minute mucking around and not going so totally understand why your dh doesn't want to go. However I understand why after all the research you want too. You both not being unreasonable

PurpleCoo · 30/12/2025 16:19

Go without him. It's his choice. Why should the rest of you miss out on a family holiday just because he doesn't fancy it. I was a single parent and used to go all around the world with my child. My child is an adult now, but I frequently go on holiday without my partner, because he doesn't have the leave, or doesn't want to go where I go, or I just want some time to myself. Like up to around 6-7 weeks worth dotted over the year. It's not an issue at all.

CrikeyMajikey · 30/12/2025 16:20

I’d probably go without him, it would depend on the age of your kids and how much work they are going to be for you.

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 30/12/2025 16:22

Go without him!

Jugendstiel · 30/12/2025 16:22

Yes, go without him if it will be a holiday for you. But if it turns out to be extra work, managing DC alone, try to encourage him to join you, or skip it and plan one later in the year.

Heronwatcher · 30/12/2025 16:24

I think we probably need to know where you’re planning to go and how awful the flights sound.

But in principle yes, unless he’s offering a better alternative and therefore the alternative is staying at home, YANBU.

Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:28

He's currently off til mid Jan, so dates moving back isn't an issue for him. Kids aren't at an easy age (5, 3 and 3 months), so realistically its too hard. I just needed to rant really. I bet he still expects me to unpack the kids bag too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:30

His plan is to stay at home now.

My alternative is Mexico, all inclusive, as easy as it could be really.

OP posts:
BeMintFatball · 30/12/2025 16:31

In recent years DH and I have holidays separately . But by that I mean I have stayed at home and he has gone on his own. It works for us. He has been places that I have no interest in going to or I have been too busy with commitments at home to go.

I have talk with your husband. Sound him out whether he would be ok with being left behind

Heronwatcher · 30/12/2025 16:40

What a dick!

I’d give my right arm for a hot all inclusive at the moment. I did the carribean with kids that age and the flights were fine.

If he’s saying no, tell him you will all be going somewhere in the UK together so he knows he’s not getting out of it completely. The miserable bastard might re-think things next time after a week in Wales…

Christmaseree · 30/12/2025 16:44

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:30

His plan is to stay at home now.

My alternative is Mexico, all inclusive, as easy as it could be really.

Could you go for that option.

Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:53

Part of me would love to. Other part is realistic enough to realise it'll be no fun with 3 young kids alone anyway. They're 5, 3 and a baby, so I can't even get them, all the luggage and a pushchair through the airport alone!

OP posts:
vanillalattes · 30/12/2025 16:59

Go on your own and leave him with the kids.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/12/2025 17:00

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:53

Part of me would love to. Other part is realistic enough to realise it'll be no fun with 3 young kids alone anyway. They're 5, 3 and a baby, so I can't even get them, all the luggage and a pushchair through the airport alone!

Of course you can op!

do it.

i flew to Thailand with a 4 month old and 3 year old - I was on maternity leave and wanted to travel for a few months - my husband could only join for 1 month!

so off we went.

it wasn’t easy but I did it and people were helpful.

i was just super organised - baby in carrier all the time. Had a small yoyo buggy - 3 year old could use it too when tired legs happened a lot and getting through airport (also brought a buggy board) although I never ended up using this really as it was too hard with the bad paths and being on the beach a lot.

baby super easy this age and the other 2 will have a blast being away.

where are you going??

Daytimetellyqueen · 30/12/2025 17:18

vanillalattes · 30/12/2025 16:59

Go on your own and leave him with the kids.

This!

Christmaseree · 30/12/2025 17:24

Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/12/2025 17:00

Of course you can op!

do it.

i flew to Thailand with a 4 month old and 3 year old - I was on maternity leave and wanted to travel for a few months - my husband could only join for 1 month!

so off we went.

it wasn’t easy but I did it and people were helpful.

i was just super organised - baby in carrier all the time. Had a small yoyo buggy - 3 year old could use it too when tired legs happened a lot and getting through airport (also brought a buggy board) although I never ended up using this really as it was too hard with the bad paths and being on the beach a lot.

baby super easy this age and the other 2 will have a blast being away.

where are you going??

Show quote history

I think keeping the DC safe in the swimming pool would be very difficult.

Onelifeonly · 30/12/2025 17:25

I'd be annoyed but I wouldn't go alone with 3 such young children. Would they really appreciate it anyway at those ages?

Livpool · 30/12/2025 17:44

Go and leave him with the kids

RecordBreakers · 30/12/2025 18:14

I agree with the first three posts.

I wouldn't want to go in those circumstances either.
I like to know where I'm going, and enjoy looking forward to it.

Kids aren't at an easy age (5, 3 and 3 months),

No, with those ages, I wouldn't want to fly at all.
Let alone long haul.
Even more so with having to change flights.

I'm with your dh here. this doesn't sound relaxing in the slightest.

Equally, I don't think anyone is unreasonable to go on holiday without their spouse, if both parties are happy with it, so technically, to answer you question, you wouldn't be unreasonable to go on your own if he didn't want to, but I think you'd be completely bonkers to take 3dc on that journey at all, let alone solo.

Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 19:28

Can't go alone, I couldn't do that to the kids. Youngest is exclusively breastfed and eldest keep asking when they're going to the beach, I can't tell them I'm going without them!

I'm in an impossible situation now though. I'm in foul mood with him for spoiling it all, and even if I persuade him to go I'll just be mad at him abroad instead (and £3k poorer for it)

I'm just so mad and disappointed.

OP posts:
Christmaseree · 30/12/2025 19:41

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:30

His plan is to stay at home now.

My alternative is Mexico, all inclusive, as easy as it could be really.

Why would you need two flights there?

Fends · 30/12/2025 19:58

Christmaseree · 30/12/2025 19:41

Why would you need two flights there?

Show quote history

Erm, why wouldn’t she?

OP tell the selfish prick to get his head out of his arse and that he’s been outvoted

HoskinsChoice · 30/12/2025 20:03

The Far East. For 7 days. With 3 children under 5. That is absolutely insane!

Even without the kids, a week in the Far East is crackers. I sometimes wonder if it's worth going to Cornwall for just 7 days let alone for a longhaul holiday.