To go on holiday without him?

[Flymeaway5]

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc.

I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think).

I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him.

Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

So you leave the other 2 behind?

Forgive me for being naive, but what do you mean?

Maybe I didn't phrase it right, but I was trying your say I don't want to waste £3k. Unless maybe I misunderstand you

I’m assuming he isn’t new to your job and how it works? I’m in the same industry, different role. It’s last minute, changes are unpredictable. But he’s being a complete knob refusing because it’s not Business the whole way through! Yes things change and it’s frustrating but surely he’s aware of that by now.

You don't seem to be thinking about your husband, or what he wants, at all.

It's all "The children will be fine! They love getting on a plane! And I want to do it!".

Any concerns or wishes of his just seem to cause you resentment.

Why not take the baby with you and leave the older two at home with their dad?

I think you can do this if you have a v good kids club for the two eldest and they are both very well behaved. How closely will they listen and follow your instructions at the airport and in the hotel?

Also, you'll need to travel lighter so just one bag on wheels and one big backpack on your back. The two walking kids can have their own little backpacks.

I flew loads as a singleton with my two children from 8 weeks onwards. It was great as my eldest was always my little helper.

Yes, 10 years doing staff travel together, but first time in school holidays with children. It's the nature of it though, you just need to be flexible.

I think you're missing the point, actually. If he didn't want to go, for whatever reason, it's incredibly selfish of him to let me go to all that effort to get us ready, just to say nope with 12hrs to go. Hours of research, hours of packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc. He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board. Its my time he's wasted, not his own.

I'm not sure, possibly, but I'd need a bit more notice to figure it all out I think. I might have to next time though!

Appreciate that, but why can’t you go somewhere within the Uk or at least a bit closer this time (like driving to France or something)? Then try to unpack why he’s being an arse?

If you think he’s just a horrible person then fine, but isn’t it worth trying to compromise and work out where he’s coming from (and at least getting some sort of break)?

As you’ve seen lots of people on this thread wouldn’t be queuing up for this holiday themselves with young kids. It may be that this last minute type holiday just won’t work for him while the kids are young and you might need to go for predicable but less expensive options for a few years. Or start taking the kids individually/ in turn without him.

Everyone whipping out the violins for poor DH and the stress he’s faced…he’s done fuck all for this holiday!! Every bit of the stress-planning, researching, packing has been done by op!
He's a selfish guy and a spoiled brat.
OP is there a friend or relative who you could take? I’d be delighted for a cheap long haul in Jan.

If that's the case, then he needs to give more than 12hrs notice.

And I'm not sure I can face unpacking and repacking everything (and replanning everything, because it'll be me that does that too), at least not today.

Personally I simply can’t understand how a husband and father can be so utterly selfish and inconsiderate. He really has shown you where he puts you and his family on his list of priorities.

I’m guessing he is not a hands-on father the rest of the time. Hopefully he has some good points to compensate…?

I would go without him and the kids

I'd love a week in Wales. Don't threaten me with a good time!

I’d be really annoyed too. Is he usually like this? Is there a reason he won’t fly long haul in premium economy? (Back issues etc).

Can you calmly (not an argument) tell him how much you need this holiday and ask him why he wants to stop it from happening?

I wouldn’t worry about going back one day after school starts as your child is five, it’s not a big deal. At my son’s primary school, the teachers say things like “so I can plan, is anyone going to be off “sick” next week?” (The week before half term break. Once, DS put his hand up because he had a cough and thought he’d be off sick, and the teacher counted him out of an activity because she thought he was going on holiday!)

Can you take someone else ?
mum sister?

He actually is a pretty hands on dad (another reason why i don't get it), does all bath times, do all bedtimes together, parks, soft plays etc. And he loves the sun too.

No back issues, think he's just got a bit used to a nice seat after 10 years at the front of the plane.

I've heard mixed messaged about primary children and fines. My sister never got one, but my friends school fined her when her child was in reception. I'm not bothered about the fine, it's multiple fines and a court date in the future I'd be worried about!

No, can't take anyone else, wish i could, but everyone has work.

Sure, go.

OH and I often go away alone, or with kids (when they were kids). Also together, of course.

Why not?

Can you take someone else with you? Or leave him with the 3 year old?

The only one flight should have been made clear to you long before you started research. The business class only reasonable if he is very tall.

He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board.

Why? Why is this something you accept?

one person is pretty challenged to take a 5 year old, 3 year old and baby swimming, I’d say it cant be done unless you have a swim baby carrier and even then it’d be hard to grab the 3 & 5yo. I don’t think you’re allowed in at our pool with 3 under 8 and just one adult.
I’d tell him very seriously that ‘you might think about neatly unpacking the kids bags and as you do, note how I have bought everything in them. You should know that I’m thinking of planning the next trip for just the kids and me to make sure you couldn’t cancel it on us again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, I don’t feel like I can risk planning a holiday that you’re part of any time soon.’

If the "faffing" is too much for him, why doesn't he book and PAY an easy luxury himself?

You're doing the best you can, if he doesn't want to go, he can stay home, but he can't stop you going.