To go on holiday without him?

[Flymeaway5]

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc.

I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think).

I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him.

Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

So if he could fly business or first class it would be OK? And you now get to take 3 kids along as well for free? Who the fuck does he think he is ?? It's called family life dude . I would be so mad at him letting you do all that work and last minute saying it's not good enough . He watched you pack etc. and only now said he is not going ? LTB 😀

I think he’s completely reasonable not to want to go. You could offer me a million pounds to take three kids including a baby to Mexico all inclusive last minute and I’d turn it down.

I am absolutely baffled you have somehow bought clothes, packed, got a passport for the baby and with 12 hours to go he’s pulled out though - either he shouldn’t have agreed to go anywhere at all if he didn’t like uncertainty, or he should get on the plane with good grace at this point. But I’m also baffled you got that far without a commitment from him before you started packing cases and telling the kids about it.

I’m all up for last minute adventure but alone with 3 kids, what if you get ill, its a big responsibility

At those ages, it’s madness. I fully agree with him. It will be the furthest thing from a holiday and more exhausting than anything. And anything other than a direct flight for that distance with those ages- no thank you!

Exactly. Those ages gives me the shudders.

Yeah, three's pushing it. Two was doable.

Partly necessity (it's my staff travel, my work login, only I am allowed to access and book it etc). I'm just better at organising stuff too. And I enjoy planning them. We each have our own things we're better at in a relationship, surely? He's better at mowing the lawn and getting the log burner going etc.

Do you have the option to switch to 5 or 6 nights in The Canaries?

HE has done NONE of the booking etc!! HE has had NONE of the stress of that!!

OP go have a lovely holiday and enjoy the peace without him!

Take someone else with you?!! Have you got a parent or sibling who would like to go with you?

That’s not the good bit about being a dad that’s the Disney dad part! The bedtimes and playing etc are the easy bits! Does he get up in the middle of the night and let you sleep? Does he do all the shitty jobs or does he leave you to deal with them ?

Take the baby and leave the other 2 with him and tell them that dad will be organising the next holiday and to ask him when they are going to the beach etc!

Yes, we could switch destination, if that's what you mean? I feel like its too late to go now though, she'll miss a whole week at school. And he's already decided he's not going now, there's no changing his mind. And nobody else to go with us.

I just need to have a think about next time now. Do I just accept he's not going, plan without him? Or go away without staff travel (means doubling the budget, or more likely, halving how long/often we go away)? Neither seem great to me

Sister has work and parents already have another holiday planned next week, unfortunately

I think that’s just life once we’re restricted to school holiday travel.
I remember my neighbours who worked for an airline being all packed one Christmas ready to go to Thailand just afterwards and their plane became full so they changed to Barbados for a short duration. It did sound really stressy.

Did he actually ever say he wanted to go on this holiday - not “a holiday”, this particular trip to Mexico with the flights and all? Or were you just merrily booking and planning and packing and expecting him to “be flexible” and go along with whatever you decided?

Because the flip side of your post is it’s also a bit daft going to all that effort before you actually get his agreement to the holiday and agree the parameters.

If he agreed and then got cold feet then he’s completely unreasonable and should meet his commitments whether he now fancies it or not.

Not as much as me, but baby is breastfed, so limited there. He does get up when bigger children have been sick or wet the bed in the night, put the wash on etc. Not saying he's perfect, but he's better than most

None of that stops him from packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc.

If you enjoy doing it all, then that’s fine. But the tone of that comment really didn’t indicate that you do. And, no, I really don’t think that mowing the lawn every couple of weeks for some of the year is a fair trade off.

He’s really not. We get some howlers on MN, as nobody is posting about their excellent partners, but what you’ve described definitely isn’t ’better than most’ husbands. It’s interesting that you think so, though.

To be fair the holiday sounds like an absolute nightmare and I wouldn't want to go either. Connecting long haul flights with 3 small children?? I know you're saving money, but id rather just pay for a regular holiday!

Staff travel just works differently. You can't have the benefit of the discount without accepting the uncertainty. We've been doing it 10yrs, I thought he knew that. We were planning a 'beach' holiday, that's all. Packed based on that, because you pack the same whether the beach is in Mexico or anywhere else. The destination changed last minute, but it was still within the plan

I don't enjoy doing it for nothing, that's all. Normally I get a holiday at the end of it! The mowing etc were just example. I've no issue with how he pulls his weight or the split of our workload and its getting a bit off topic anyway. I'm not sure what you think qualifies you to make such a sweeping statement based on so little information?!

Which bit of the comment you quoted was my ‘sweeping statement’? If you quote it, I’m happy to clarify why I made it.

I hate these type of threads, the posters all tell you you're mad to do x y or z because they wouldn't enjoy it. In my opinion that's completely irrelevant. Your husband:

• agreed to a long haul flight to go on holiday with very young kids
• knew that there would need to be flexibility involved i.e. dates and location might change
• is off work anyway
• had thrown a last minute princess strop because he isn't in business

Unless he was clear that he would only fly long haul if it was business from the get go, then whatever the situation (even if posters wouldn't choose an activity themselves) its shit to agree to something, let you do a shit load of work, and then pull out last minute because of a stipulation he never told you about at the outset. That's completely unreasonable.

Have you calmly discussed how disappointed you are that the kids and you were looking forward to it, that you spent lots and lots of effort on it, and how unreasonable it is to cancel you last minute because its not business when the vast majority of people couldn't even afford to travel economy long haul in peak holidays. That it doesn't feel fair what he has done and you'll struggle to not feel resentment over the next few weeks when it's too cold and dark to go out much or do much with a baby, because he couldn't cope without stretching his legs out for a few hours

You're clearly doing all the work and getting it cheap is a huge bonus! Does he maybe just not want to go on holiday? X