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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nosey elderly parents is embarrassing

114 replies

ByUniqueViper · 30/12/2025 11:42

My 81 year old mum who is of good health and mind has always enjoyed 'people watching' in public places. But she is now becoming obsessed with it.
She looks people up and down, follows them with her eyes as they approach and then walk past her, and even says things like 'you see her over there with the ponytail' and points to them.
Weve just been on holiday and she watches everyone constantly and makes comments to us such as 'she has worn those clothes all day and evening', 'that man put 6 towels on a sunbed 45 minutes ago', 'they're the people who were really drunk last night'.
Lots of people probably notice the same but keep their thoughts to themselves. But she is just so nosey and vocal with it. Its becoming embarrassing.
We have tried ignoring her comments, saying 'oh' as if we have little interest, my husband has make jokey comments about not hearing him as she is so fixated on looking at someone and ive previously really put her in her place when she has said 'she's a big girl.
AIBU to expect her to behave more appropriately or should I accept this is what happens when people get old and have little else to think about?
What else do we do as we're finding her behaviour uncomfortable and annoying?

OP posts:
DustyMaiden · 30/12/2025 11:46

I think the filter goes as they get older. My DF said about a carer “she’s Jamaican that why she’s got a big bum” luckily she just laughed.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2025 11:51

Tell her that she is being rude and judgemental and that someone might overhear her and take massive offence and confront her.

Alternatively, don't go on holiday with her.

Gingercatlover · 30/12/2025 12:02

Mine is the same, so rude about people and no self awareness or empathy.

When pulled up mine even says “I don’t care” like it’s her public duty to say these things because in her mind it’s true -it’s very sad.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 30/12/2025 12:02

Blimey, this is my sister! We visited this year and good grief, the random personal comments when we were out! I put it down to her filter malfunctioning at her age(also 80), living in a "forthright" country where people call a spade a bloody shovel and being naturally rude and no longer giving a shit.

SBGM247 · 30/12/2025 12:03

Relax. It's funny.

Tinsles · 30/12/2025 12:04

Your mother sounds genuinely ghastly and there is no way I would be out in public, much less holidaying with her.
Absolutely ghastly.
I really don't think it is her age.
I bet she was always like this but now has just abandoned any smidgen of manners.
I really couldn't be around that at all.

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

HoppityBun · 30/12/2025 12:07

DustyMaiden · 30/12/2025 11:46

I think the filter goes as they get older. My DF said about a carer “she’s Jamaican that why she’s got a big bum” luckily she just laughed.

It’s definitely this, OP. And it’ll probably be many of us in a few years. Disinhibition is also an early sign of various forms of dementia.

Notmyreality · 30/12/2025 12:07

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

No it isn’t. You can people watch and keep your trap shut.

vincettenoir · 30/12/2025 12:07

That would annoy me too. I think you’re already doing everything right in order to deal with it and there’s little else you can do. She’s free to be a nosy parker and you’re free to be uninterested in that line of chat.

Bellyblueboy · 30/12/2025 12:09

My mum does this and she is mid seventies. She sits with her mouth open staring intently at people in public. She is clearly trying to listen in to conversations. She makes it very, very obvious but if we comment on it she gets very defensive and even angry.

she has always done it - but she is much more obvious about it now.

Endofyear · 30/12/2025 12:13

My mum is the same, she's 83, deaf as a post and comments on people very loudly 🙈 and yes, it's embarrassing!

X123x321X · 30/12/2025 12:13

My aunt would do that, but she'd lean in and whisper while "discreetly" looking at the person, which was even more obvious. 🤣

MissDoubleU · 30/12/2025 12:23

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

People watching and people pointing-directly-at-while-loudly-insulting are not the same thing.

PuppyMonkey · 30/12/2025 12:28

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

If this is really how you do people watching, you’re doing it wrong.Grin

YourAquaLion · 30/12/2025 12:32

It’s very rude and embarrassing for you, and you defo shud ask her to stop doing it for these reasons, but also try not to worry too much because we all know old people can go a bit bonkers and most people won’t take it to heart if they hear it.

It’s almost like they revert back to toddlers, saying any old thing that comes into their head about a person without considering their feelings.

Maybe she’s also starting to get dementia as others have said. You could always start saying loudly “Sorry about her, she’s got dementia and has no filter or awareness of others’ feelings”. Embarrassing to her if it’s not, and maybe enough to make her realise what she’s doing.

They do also make T-shirts with “Sorry about her” and an arrow on them! Be sure to sit her the right side of the arrow!

Original poster
ByUniqueViper · 30/12/2025 12:34

Its not just on holiday its anywhere!

OP posts:
PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 30/12/2025 12:37

My gran used to do this, with the loudest stage whisper ever. It was mortifying though occasionally amusing. My mum (her DD) was always getting annoyed at her for it but now she’s started doing it too!

Original poster
ByUniqueViper · 30/12/2025 12:38

Exactly this!

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 30/12/2025 12:40

My gran does exactly the same. For your own blood pressure never take her to a carvery or any type of fill your plate yourself meal unless you want to spend it cringing as people glare at you due to her foghorn running commentary on exactly how much is on their plates and how that tallies with their body type.

Augustus40 · 30/12/2025 12:41

It is an early sign of dementia

DiscoDown18 · 30/12/2025 12:43

My DM has always done this but it has definitely got worse as she has got older and she doesn't seem to realise how loudly she is speaking. I also think she must get a magnifying glass out to scrutinise photos on social media as she will comment on tiny details that no one else would notice!

Gingercatlover · 30/12/2025 12:43

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

But to openly make derogatory comments about someone just minding their own business is something else, no?

You may think it, doesn’t mean you say it, it’s embarrassing for others in their company.

bigboykitty · 30/12/2025 12:46

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

Nothing wrong with people watching. It's the broadcasting of the hideous commentary that's the problem. Obviously.

PollyPlumPeach · 30/12/2025 12:48

ByUniqueViper · 30/12/2025 11:42

My 81 year old mum who is of good health and mind has always enjoyed 'people watching' in public places. But she is now becoming obsessed with it.
She looks people up and down, follows them with her eyes as they approach and then walk past her, and even says things like 'you see her over there with the ponytail' and points to them.
Weve just been on holiday and she watches everyone constantly and makes comments to us such as 'she has worn those clothes all day and evening', 'that man put 6 towels on a sunbed 45 minutes ago', 'they're the people who were really drunk last night'.
Lots of people probably notice the same but keep their thoughts to themselves. But she is just so nosey and vocal with it. Its becoming embarrassing.
We have tried ignoring her comments, saying 'oh' as if we have little interest, my husband has make jokey comments about not hearing him as she is so fixated on looking at someone and ive previously really put her in her place when she has said 'she's a big girl.
AIBU to expect her to behave more appropriately or should I accept this is what happens when people get old and have little else to think about?
What else do we do as we're finding her behaviour uncomfortable and annoying?

Unfortunately they often feel entitled to be rude and care little about feelings of others

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