Nosey elderly parents is embarrassing

[ByUniqueViper]

My 81 year old mum who is of good health and mind has always enjoyed 'people watching' in public places. But she is now becoming obsessed with it.
She looks people up and down, follows them with her eyes as they approach and then walk past her, and even says things like 'you see her over there with the ponytail' and points to them.
Weve just been on holiday and she watches everyone constantly and makes comments to us such as 'she has worn those clothes all day and evening', 'that man put 6 towels on a sunbed 45 minutes ago', 'they're the people who were really drunk last night'.
Lots of people probably notice the same but keep their thoughts to themselves. But she is just so nosey and vocal with it. Its becoming embarrassing.
We have tried ignoring her comments, saying 'oh' as if we have little interest, my husband has make jokey comments about not hearing him as she is so fixated on looking at someone and ive previously really put her in her place when she has said 'she's a big girl.
AIBU to expect her to behave more appropriately or should I accept this is what happens when people get old and have little else to think about?
What else do we do as we're finding her behaviour uncomfortable and annoying?

Sounds like there's a lot of it about. My mum was similar, and would speculate audibly as to how the person might have got to be the size they are/why they might be dressed the way they are/why the child is misbehaving in a public place. I'm not sure what age it started, but I first noticed it on a family holiday when she was in her early forties and dubbed an elderly couple in the same hotel "The Eating Machines". She lived another 40+ years without developing dementia and without anyone thumping her for being rude.

Your comment 'she's a big girl' reminded me of being sat behind two women on a plane. One of them said to the other 'she's a big girl' about a member of the cabin crew, so often I started counting.
I got to 35 times before I started wanting to scream with frustration and tell her to shut the fuck up😑

My DM ... 80yrs old has definitely lost some of her "social etiquette" as she has aged.

She absolutely doesn't mean to be rude but where we would give a quick glance at someone and be able to take in all the information quickly ie size, clothing etc.... Mum's processing is now a lot slower so it looks like she staring at them.

Still embarrassing though!!

if you can, it may be worth getting her checked by a GP in case it is dementia, etc.
I do not need to tell you she is putting herself in danger; the way things are these days, some may laugh at this, but other people may retaliate and take things into their own hands.

MIL (72) does this.
"She is huge!"
"Those trousers do nothing for her."
"His haircut is very unflattering."
I try and change the subject.

We had a rule with my mother, "think it, don't say it".

Or stop being so bloody rude and ignorant ,you're making a fool of yourself

Horrible judgemental woman. Sounds like my mother. No one who is happy in themself would sit around doing this!
Pull her up on it each and every time. Hate to think what she’s saying about You behind your back too.

It seems that, as some people get older, their filters get more porous. I noticed it with my late mother, less so with my father.

My 95 year old father in law was the same. Called women fat, ugly, made racist comments on rare occasions too. Someone else has said, it's like the filter breaks as get older. I remember one racist comment aimed at his neighbour a few doors down (just as we were leaving after a visit and was late at night), my partner ran back into the house mortified and I said in a loud voice that he will get his head kicked in one day with disgusting comments like that. Ugh.

I remember meeting my late dads new g/f (in her 70's) in pub for lunch. Went on about women's lib, about Israel had first women's army etc, then when we left, a lady of about 50 years old walked past us. My dads g/f made a comment loudly about someone her age shouldn't be in skinny jeans. I just asked her where all the women's lib she was just spouting went and why is she judging another lady on her looks (who looked utterly fab btw)? I think was jealousy.

It's also just a personality trait for some people. My dad has always done this, but he is louder and gives less of a shit now he's old.

I definately think this is true. One of my parents could make comments like, "Look at her hair, it's shaved at the back, and all of those tattoos, that is rough and manly." That was in a supermarket, if the ground could swallow me up.

Personally can not stand people like your parents! What think gives them the right? Why do they think they are such perfection. It's not an age thing, some people just love making others uncomfortable. No one gives a shit.about her opinion, tell her to write it down and burn it, that's all her opinions worth tbh

I used to take my late mum shopping to a large supermarket every Friday. I never knew what would come out of her mouth, the insults and remarks about people were awful. I told her but she just didn’t care. She was always like it but got worse the older she got. I used to apologise on her behalf and then she got angry with me for doing so.

I think some people, as they age, just stop caring what other people think.
My mum wasn't like that until she got to about mid 60s, then she used to be really embarrassing. If there was an ambulance stopped with it's doors open, she would stand staring with her mouth open until she could fathom what was happening. I used to walk away as I thought it was an awful thing to do.
She would make comments in a loud voice, such as She's nearly wearing that skirt (about a short skirt).
I'm almost the same age now and I keep my opinions to myself when out and make my nosey observations unobtrusive!

Sometimes I think it's hearing problems. My friend (72) makes comments much more loudly than she needs to - they don't tend to be anything too dreadful but something that might be better mused over sotto voce. She, however, is losing quite a bit of hearing, and I think she doesn't realise how loud she is.

My mum never used to do this until a few years before she got dementia.

If you've got older parents/relatives many people understand. I'll randomly reply, when I hear a "comment," with "Oy you're too kind." They either are taken aback (not like lt), reply in humor, ignore, or are incensed by your reply.

She’s 81! Agreed, it’s not ideal but your tolerance levels are ‘ghastly’! Bloody hell. I’d be explaining that she’s being rude but I’d not be cutting all contact because she’s elderly and inappropriate!

My Mum started doing this slightly before she was diagnosed with a neurological condition. It can be a sign of dementia and other age related neuro conditions as some other posters have said. As we age our brains cells deteriorate and those with a neuro condition would have this accelerated.

Yeah old people do this and the more deaf they become the louder they become 🤣🤣

THIS
I had 3 grandparents who lived longer than this , and None of them acted like that. It’s rude and obnoxious.
Incidentally I know a ‘lady’ in her 90’s who is rude and judgmental - ALWAYS been the same - and can’t for the life of her wonders why she barely had any friends , her dd hates her and her other dd went Nc 20 years ago…….🙄

I understand entirely, it’s mortifying. My Mum is 75 and feels the need to comment loudly about anyone over a size 10. God help anyone who maybe on a mobility scooter, as they in her head are obviously lazy and fat and she will happily say it loudly enough for them to hear. I wouldn’t mind but she’s not even thin, she’s a size 20! I know some of it is cognitive decline but it’s so fucking rude, and she can be perfectly polite when she wants, so some of this is just her being obnoxious. I just bluntly tell her to be quiet now.

My 70 yr old mum is the same and has been for aaaages. I've always said that generation is one very ready to share their opinions.