In laws with tiny stomachs

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Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

Would you Iike a medal? ;)

I'm glad you don't say this to them. Because it would be extremely rude and unkind!

If you are hosting people, you cater (within reason) to their tastes. Not your own).

Why would anyone be grateful to be invited for Christmas where the hosts don't provide sufficient food?

It's not a weight-loss clinic or a household where money for food is in short supply.

Why would anyone choose to host Christmas and then deliberately fail to provide their guests with normal nutritious meals?

I'm early 60s & my appetite has decreased.

The kids will often laugh about a "mummy portion".

The biggest change I've found though is often not feeling hungry until about 10am.

Used to be ready for breakfast as soon as I got up!

My in laws are the same and if I offer them breakfast at 8am they will say oh no I’ll save myself for later - meal booked for 7pm 😭

Same issue here. As we‘re not paying for accommodation we go out for food once a day - supermarket full English with a kids eat free keeps us going.

We tried taking over cooking (DM will cook alongside with pursed lips and refuse anything we prepare). We’ve tried living off nuts (just get hangry). We‘ve tried buying extra meals to supplement (lectures on food waste).

But, if we supplement enough food, we can see the funny side. One highlight of a previous trip was DH, who actually eats extremely modestly) genuinely thinking the portion of ‘Greek Salad’ put in front of him was his starter. It was a main meal for 5.

No I would offer snacks.

Well, I expect that has the great benefit for you that you don't have many people asking to stay.

See, this is the only aspect in which I think you are being U. Or not you, your DH.

It's his parents. How can he have been raised by them, known them all these years, and be able to say, in a kind way, look mom and dad, I kno you don't eat much but we are starving here. We love you and love spending time with you but PLEASE can you feed us a bit more?

Imagine you are the parents. Which would be preferable!

1. your son gently flags it with you.
2. you son, daughter and grandkids spend the whole visit secretly unhappy because they ar hungry but unable to tell you this.

I think it would take a real monster to genuinely prefer number 2. And they don't sound like actual monsters, from what OP describes.

But I dunno, somehow it often feels on Mumsnet that you will have ill do anything to avoid actually telling your nearest and dearest how you are feeling. Not judging - maybe I am the weird one and overly emotional/blunt?.. But I couldn't live like that....

Oh yes. I was brought up that way and it was so unhealthy for a growing child. "We have a fancy meal booked for 7.30pm so therefore will not eat anything all say". So disordered.

Luckily I have an OK relationship with my mother and if I want to eat and she doesn't, her reaction is more bemused than critical. She doesn't ban us from bringing food into the house or get all offended when we do.

It's really weird. She must know that portion sizes in pubs/restaurants have not increased dramatically and that she is eating less than she used to but she just can't see it. I have the option for a free all-inclusive holiday next year (I will be working) and thought about offering her to come as my plus one but quite honestly, could not put up with 5 nights of constant commentary about how much other people were eating.

That's awful. You don't eat lunch so nobody else should either? And make do with a few breadsticks or something??

I helped an old neighbour during Covid and was concerned about how little he ate. It was all nutritionally balanced and good quality - fish, duck, tinned fruits, etc. - but tiny amounts and few carbs. He was fine though and as fit as anything for his age.

We used to get him a weekly takeaway delivery once a week when we’d have one which he loved. His son told us afterwards that he loved them but would eke out the portion for days!

It’s just a case of diminishing appetites and hosting becoming a chore well before they want to admit it.

You are very lucky if all the people you are close to would accept a bit of honest talking from you, reflect on what you say, change their ways, all move on, never mentioned again. There are plenty of families and relationships where that kind of conversation is unthinkable because it would lead to any or all of pursed lips, tears, bad feeling, huffiness, silent treatment, grudges held for years afterwards, horrible things said that can't be unsaid afterwards or forgotten. It's very clear from many, many threads like this I've seen over the years that some people (OP and her husband amongst them) genuinely feel, and with reason, that a short period of rumbling tummies is the lesser of the two evils. At least they will be home soon.

Why are people so concerned about being seen as impolite, that they never realise how rude other people are being to them? It is the job of a host to make guests feel welcome, comfortable and have plenty of food and drinks available. Your PIL are appallingly bad hosts. If they have small appetites, fine, they may choose small portions; but they shouldn't deny you the food you have bought. You've bought the food - I would be making full meals three times a day, putting it all on the table, and if they wish to just have a cup of tea and chat while you enjoy croissants etc., that's fine. They shouldn't make you feel bad - or feign offence - because you have normal appetites.

Half of MN only seem to eat one meal a week day , its quite unusual to read about people who get hungry and eat 3 meals a day! 😄 We do, and I often feel like we are in a minority. No-one is overweight, in fact DS might even be borderline underweight - he eats the most.

Ive been to a few family meals where you have to do a quick calculation on how many potatoes/green beans you should take so that everyone at the table gets some (usually maximum 3)

If you're hosting you offer snacks instead of one of the typical three meals in a day? Why?

Legally, it's no defence that you were only obeying horderves .

War time and rationing conditioning probably.

On a separate note I once (at a friend's parents ) had breakfast after staying the night. I took 3 rashers of thin, crispy bacon and passed the tray along. As the tray got round the table it became increasingly clear it was strictly two rashers each. The mother exclaimed with some alarm and hysteria, "Someone has taken too much bacon!" It would have been more mortifying if I hadn't already put one rasher in my mouth so Agatha Crispy couldn't immediately accuse me.

Sounds miserable. Do they eat any veg or fruit at all?

I do breakfast and tea/dinner. Lunch isn't a thing in this house, if anything it's some snacks or picky bits only.

Do you warn your guests in advance? I'd be really put out if I was staying somewhere else and was just offered 'picky bits' for lunch. Would you be offended if they then went out for lunch?

I assumed you were going for hoarderves - snacks you keep in a hoard, I thought it was quite clever!

Never be a guest at a skinny persons house. They rarely have enough food for hosting

I'm grateful my inlaws always have a house bursting with food after reading this thread! My mother in law though has a fondness for sauv blanc and then goes off her food and eats small main meals but she does snack.
I tend to only eat twice a day but if ive guests I'd say eat whenever you want.

Would you Iike a medal? ;)' m glad you don't say this to them. Because it would be extremely rude and unkind! If you are hosting people, you cater (within reason) to their tastes. Not your own)

This thread shows how one dire toon the intolerance sways. It's so much more prevalent amongst people with bigger appetite than the other way around. You post mentioning a medal is a good example of it.

It's all very well to say you cater for guests' tastes but it's hard to know how much you need to buy. My parents eat so much more than my husband and I. Years ago, we bought so much to cater to them but typical, they were on a diet ( and sow coming to us as the opportunity to eat more reasonably), their own words), and we ended up with such a waste of good food, it made me cry. I refuse to do it again, so we now wait until they come and do meal planning together. We all go food. shopping and we share the costs. It works well for us.

I'd be horrified if behind the scene, they refer to my husband and I the way posters do here. Thankfully I know they don't.