In laws with tiny stomachs

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Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

People do eat less as they get older. My parents barely eat a thing and exclaim often on how much other people eat and how fat they are (my family and I are all slim/normal size with the exception of one adult child who is slightly overweight). They have a slice of toast for breakfast, no lunch, and a small dinner the portion size of which would be considered child-sized. They are in their 70s/80s but have been like this for years.

I don’t think I eat loads but if I’m hungry I just ask for more food when I’m at theirs.

Separately, I am adopting “horses doofers” into my family lexicon. I’ll be offering some horses doofers to my parents when they come over later.

Yes that was it 😬

Why does he tip toe around his own parents so much? He sounds like he’s staying with royalty or someone he barely knows. I would tell him he can get his own food then and you and the kids will get stuck in to the croissants 🤣

I bring stuff for my kids (and us!) to eat at my parents all the time. Also means they don’t have to do so much work!

Yes I do and no that wouldn't offend me.

We live near my Mum but when my sister stays with her she takes over the cooking completely. She always leaves her with a freezer full of leftovers as well.Maybe you should just take over the catering.

My ex used to call them horses' doobries and 35 years later that's still what I hear in my head when I read it.

That’s not the case for all older people - they may eat less than when young but it still depends on how active they are

just in case anyone starts underfeeding their old folks

Unlikely these days. I’m 72 and I don’t even remember rationing. The only effect it had on my parents was an abhorrence of waste. The population was far healthier when rationing was in force.

It also is very much a matter of generation differences.older people think most of the younger generation are overweight and obese, which scientifically, is correct.

But it means, what seems 'normal' for one is going to look very differently to the other.

As someone in the 'small appetite category', I struggle when I visit my parents with the constant pressure to eat more, have doubles, etc... and having to deal with the constant references to 'the skin on my bones', 'I need to stop starving myself', and the best 'I need to bri g some joy in my life', which I'm expected to accept with good grace because they mean well.

Do you also forget that not everyone is the same and children need food? It's plain rude to do this to guests tbh

This is normal isn't it?

Thoughts OP, but your descriptions have made me laugh.

I think it's true your appetite diminishes as you get older. I'm 52 and am now a 2 meal only person. I am still a fat fuck though so it's not performative undereating. But you have to remember that others are normal- particularly kids. I actually write down mealtimes for my kids and tick them off because if I personally am not hungry it sometimes slips my mind!

Hope you have a terrific takeaway.

What is rude about explaining that you're hungry and need more food? What's rude about going to buy more food when you're hungry?
Strange rules.

In a normal house, not it's not rude and the host wouldn't take offence.

But many people would take it as a criticism of their hosting, how dare you say we don't provide you with enough food, do you think you are better than us, how rude, etc etc.

I’m significantly older , healthy weight and normal height and eat 3 meals and snacks and a little pudding

admit I only have one round of sandwiches at lunch these days - used to be 2

please don’t under feed me because you think old people don’t eat much !

What is normal? Not a single aspect of her stepmother's and father's daily eating that poster describes is normal as far as I'm concerned.

If you mean it's very common for older people to eat less, yes, of course that's normal. Unfortunately it also seems to be quite common for some of them to forget that others eat more and cater accordingly.

Looking on the bright side, no need to think you have to diet/cut down in the New Year - I'm dreading hearing about all the diets, zzzzzzzzz

That's why i said people like me have to remember that other people are normal!

We used to get this when we visited in in-laws when they lived in Spain. There was never anything in the cupboard/fridge for breakfast (because they didn't eat breakfast!), so my husband used to have to go to the local supermarket for supplies. Lunch was then likely 3 pm, by which time, we were starving and they then ate at about 8 pm at night. The evening meal portions weren't enough to keep a mouse alive, but they claimed they were 'full'!! We had our son with us, who was young at the time, and needed to eat at consistent normal times. In the end we ate out, because it was easier for us. We discovered further down the line, that the reason why they barely ate, was because they were drinking alcohol all the time, so were actually 'forgetting' to eat!! My parents are in their 80's and don't eat as much as they used too but they don't expect us to eat tiny portions. In fact they'd be mortified if we went home hungry.

I can’t believe how common this is on here. It’s fine not to be hungry but policing other peoples hunger is rude.

There is nobody alive now under the age of 80 who was alive during the war. Rationing of food continued in the UK until 1954 but was nothing like as strict as it had been during the war in the early 1950s.

ETA My parents were children during the war and the effect it had on them was that they always made sure there was lots and lots of food available. The idea of a guest going hungry would have been anathema to them. They certainly didn't give inferior or cheaper food to children. Food was a joy and one we all shared. I feel very fortunate about that.

Obviously! Anyone would be hangry and ravenous on one sardine and a thimble of cheese. Hope the hordirves help! 😉

Yes, you eat less as you get older. I'm 65, run every day, cycle, do Pilates (so I'm not festering in a chair all day), but I only eat one meal a day. Whenever I have people to stay I have to remind myself that they will need breakfast and lunch and I make sure that food is in for those extra meals. Why wouldn't I? I'm not going to expect everyone who stays to immediately adapt to my (admittedly quite weird) eating regime! I KNOW that other people eat more than me and cater accordingly.

It's this that makes me wonder about OPs parents. Cognitively they know that other people eat differently and more, it's the refusal to countenance it in their house that seems odd. And slightly controlling.

So true. Gone are the days of 5 pints and a doner kebab on the way home.

Not in our house