In laws with tiny stomachs

[HumbleStumble]

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

I don’t think they want to host you anymore - they can’t be bothered

This made me laugh! But also brought up a memory. When my granny was dying, and I was looking after her, I'd buy her these. They lasted about a week. But, to be fair, she thought her thimbleful of wine at dinner was so luxurious and she'd tell me happily what a treat it was. So it was totally worth it!

I would be ordering pizza or heading out for a chippy.

Maybe if she sees how much you can get through the penny will drop.

My in-laws ate like sparrows but overfed everyone else, especially the "working men" 🙄.

We’ve just come back from staying with my elderly aunt for several days who eats like a sparrow and has no comprehension that other people actually have an appetite (she is completely ‘with it’).

We arrived on the 23rd and we had a takeaway fish n chips for dinner which she suggested (then when we went to order decided she couldn’t possibly eat so much), and then on Xmas Eve morning she declared that “we won’t need to eat today because we had a big dinner last night and we’ll be having a Christmas dinner tomorrow.” So she was expecting us to go without food for 1.5 days!

She said the same again on Boxing Day and again today, and each time I had to politely say that we do need to have meals when we are hungry (we supplied all the Xmas food including the turkey a s prepared the meals), so we we were not eating her food or expecting her to cook. It really took the joy out of Christmas having to constantly justify having a bowl of cereal/toast for breakfast and being looked at like we are greedy pigs. Never staying again for Christmas.

‘horderves’ 😂

People generally have smaller appetites as they age. This is a good thing. You need to manage your family and their bigger appetites.

I honestly think people do this because

1. They genuinely have small apetites
2. They dont like hosting and find it a unfulfilling use of their time to cook for others.

The only solution I think is to be open and say we are hungry we eat more than you do - is it ok if I buy and cook (insert whatever you fancy). But I would look at how long you are staying for and maybe assess if it should be shorter?

My aunt and uncle share a slice of toast for breakfast FFS

And yet (as hard as it is) here you are…

Pair with rich bottle of equine. @HumbleStumble loving your work here.

i just got back today from being away. I’m going to town on the cheese and, frankly (although I’ll regret it tomorrow) the wine. I watch what I eat and drink all fucking year, so I’m bloody well going to allow myself everything I fancy at Christmas. I could not be doing with parsimonious hosts, or anyone who assumes that because they aren’t hungry no-one else is hungry.

Do some people just never learn to be considerate hosts!?

You're staying way too long. Why are you still there??

on Xmas Eve morning she declared that “we won’t need to eat today because we had a big dinner last night and we’ll be having a Christmas dinner tomorrow.” So she was expecting us to go without food for 1.5 days!

My mum comes out with batshit things like this. But she's obsessed with demonstrating how controlled she is. We just laugh and tell her we'll sort ourselves out when we're hungry. Invariably she does need food within a few hours, like people do 🙄

Is it a generation thing? I eat more than my parents did and my kids eat more than me. I was encouraged not to eat in between meals and this has stuck. I think portion sizes now are much bigger than when I was a kid.

Can you not just buy food and cook it?

We always do all the hosting and most of our guests sit there like penguins waiting to be tossed a fish, mouths open, three times a day. I get so fed up with feeding and watering everyone after several days. We have one set of friends though who come armed with food shopping and snacks. When they or their dc get hungry, they whack it out and feed themselves. They are still fed 3 meals a day, but if they’re hungry in between or the kids want to eat at a different time or won’t eat curry or whatever, they have supplies and sort themselves out. It’s wonderful.

I'm 75.
Do wish I had a small. appetite.

this is awful, dd stayed with her dh and my Dgc, we make sure we had baby food for dgd and my dd is able to help herself to food out of the fridge or use the kitchen

I'm 75, and I genuinely eat one meal a day. I don't feel hungry.

But I would never assume anyone visiting my house was the same. If I'd invite people id expect them to eat three meals a day, and I'd cater for that. Though I wouldn't necessarily cook those meals. Id just tell them to rifle through the fridge and cupboard, and take what they need to have a satisfying meal.

one kind of side affect of my need for one meal a day, is my adult child seems to be playing a game of, "how much veg can I stuff in her during one small meal". Turns out, it's usually 5.

My mother too. 100%. She’ll never order a puddling or cake herself because she ‘just couldn’t, we’ve eaten SO MUCH we’re like whales etc etc’ then the rest of us do and she’s constantly wanting some ‘oooh, looks so ‘naughty’ (I really HATE that word when applied to food!!!), can I just try a little bit’ and eating everyone’s pudding with her eyes, drooling at your elbow. It’s so bloody irritating we all try to avoid eating out with her now. So much fat shaming. Her siblings are similar and I think it’s an eating disorder they all have. They’re all overweight, obviously.

Me neither. Breakfast or lunch, never both and then dinner. I'm a shortarse, I need a small amount of calories!

I'm the same kind of shortarse, but I need to eat every day regardless of what I had for tea the previous night. And I'd never assume the average person prefers not to have breakfast and lunch - experience tells me I'm the odd one.

They’re just tight bastards! 🤔

We don’t eat much ourselves but we massively over compensate when we have visitors.

I remember being much younger and visiting my ex’s tightwad parents and hating every minute of it. There’s no way I’d cause anyone else to suffer from being cold and hungry as we had to. 😂

Surely you meant 'horses' doofers' anyway?

@MidnightPatrol This is exactly what we get; endless comments about how we won't need dinner or whatever because we've had such a huge lunch, when it was something entirely normal. Then when you do cook dinner they eat it as normal. But all the meal planning is based on their ridiculous idea of what is 'a lot' so you then either have to listen to them going on about how all the food you brought will go to waste or go without. I really hope I remember as I age but I suspect whoever said about lack of empathy is right. You might want to eat less as you age but surely those with empathy understand it is different for younger people, or even remember themselves.

In my experience with my own parents you eat less as you get older. I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting more, but I kind of think your shock that they don't know to serve more is unreasonable.

Oh come on, suffer the consequences? The consequences being they're a bit dissatisfied.

They're not going to end up needing treatment for malnutrition!!!

OP as you get older, you just dont have the appetite and whereas when you're young and you stuff and stuff and it feels good, when you're old and you eat too much to cope with, it feels terrible, makes you feel very odd, sicky, unwell, really uncomfortable, not just a bit full up and satisfied.

OH was like this today, he can barely eat much these days, he's like a sparrow, but we were walking past various restaurants and pubs in town and I love looking at what people eat, Im fascinated by food and flavour and menus even though I cant eat much either, and he kept commenting about all the 'massive plates' and 'massive dinners' and how can people at that much!!

I had to remind him we used to eat like this, its normal, nothing wrong with it, we enjoyed it, but we just cant these days and he simply couldnt even remember us eating like that. Well we did!!!

ROFL at horderves

Id just tell them 🤷‍♀️ sod being hungry.

Have they always been like this?