In laws with tiny stomachs

[HumbleStumble]

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

I've put on alot of weight lately (3 stone) and she is always hyper critical and openly so so i have actually avoided seeing her at all and made excuses for a couple of years now. I feel bad about that, but tbh that protects myself as I also have a strong history of eating disorders.

Both my cousins- they are late 40s and have definitely been badly affected by it. One has been hospoitalised with anorexia as a teen and yo yos hard. The other is an obsessive calorie counter. You can't have any meal with her without her bargaining with herself about calories. I find it horrifying.

There isn’t any

My elderly parents are like this. when we visit for dinner we will eat before and arrive with bread, olives, hams, wine etc. when my kids stay over at the grandparents house we give them a little hamper with fruit, nuts, biscuits etc and we will provide a breakfast - croissants or brioche.
My dad puts up a big fuss "oh there are enough bread crusts to go around...blah blah blah - they can have porridge for lunch " but we just over ride him these days!

He would rather have his children starving rather than rock the boat? What a prize.

I don't think sixty odd is particularly old though unless you have health conditions. My parents were active with good appetites at that age. It was only when they were at end of life stage in their 80s that they couldn't eat. Plus where I come from (Manchester) you over not under cater. Leaving guests hungry is seriously rude.

I do think with some people they are competitive undereating. A sort of competitive thrift even though they are well off and it might do them good to eat a little more, at least a more balanced diet or three meals a day. And be more active with it, which would give them an appetite.

Gosh that's so rude!
I'd never dream of having guests staying and only offering 2 meals 😳
Snacks aren't a meal, don't you find yourself worrying guests might he hungry and too polite to say anything?!

DM in late 80s and eats like a bird these days, however in a million years wouldn’t dream of hosting like this… she’s the opposite!!! DMIL, slightly more in the middle… doesn’t get much food in if a couple of us are visiting because it’s only her most of the time, but if she’s expecting a crowd would cater for everyone.

Or a lecture on the dangers of eating too much. Or a lecture on food waste if anything is left (we freeze leftovers or incorporate them into meals later in the week, or will have meals where we make up our own stuff from whatever‘s in the fridge. But parents plan everything down to the last gram - and there are no leftovers).

And for someone with low self esteem, any suggestion that something isn’t perfect is felt as criticism- and then self protection kicks in as they must be wrong, not I.

But don't you plan at all before having guests?!

Im honestly shocked on this thread at how inhospitable some people clearly are, not planning at all for guests, not thinking beforehand about what food they will need in, what they will serve at various meal times?!

If I know my mum is coming to stay for a few days I'll make a point of buying in some 'nicer' things for lunch. I might normally just have a bit of soup or a sandwich but if I have guests I'll make a effort to buy a few interesting bits so that my guests have choices, eg some quiche, some salads, some different breads eg maybe some fresh soft rolls + an artisan loaf for toasting, some extra bits like some nice biscuits, posh crisps to snack on?
And I'll plan evening meals to be stuff where there would always be plenty in case of big appetites. I'd always rather have made too much and end up freezing a few portions later than end up skimping to squeeze out enough portions and people be left hungry.

Its part of of hosting guests that you go to some effort to ensure they are comfortable during their stay, you clean the house before they arrive, you ensure you have nice food in and plenty of it, if they prefer camomile tea, you get some in!!

Just don’t go again for an extended stay. If you want to visit stay nearby in air b & b and visit. Or invite them to you. It’s ridiculous to be hungry with hungry children and sneaking food.

This reminds me that I watched Simon cowells new netflix show. He had something like half a crumpet for lunch and saved the rest for dinner. I'd be fainting all over the place, brought to consciousness by the moans from my stomach.

i have older family members like this (early 70's), they were always bit stingy on portions but now they've developed 'bird-like appetites' (their words), they are saucer-sized. We do as PP have said and avoid extended hosting sessions with them, which tbh, are a bit much for them anyway. Short bursts are much better.

I don't tend to eat breakfast but I always over cater for other people because I don't like the idea of anyone going hungry in my house
My mother in law was a bit like your in laws. Always commenting that she couldn't possibly eat anything else all day after having a normal sized lunch! She used to make me feel guilty for wanting to eat normally. Looking back I think she might have had food issues and her son my husband now has absolutely no interest in food and sees it as fuel rather than one of lived pleasures which I think is a real shame

I don't think there are any "rules" about appetites and age. Both my parents are very late 80s, remember the war and rationing etc. The main impact of rationing on them (and my maternal grandparents) was to be generous and grateful with food. My dad, who is nearly 90 and whip thin, has a very healthy and adventurous appetite. My mum used to love her food but is frail now and eats much less, which is sad to see.

This is why I loved my dad. Even at 87, the man was like a skip and able to polish off epic portions.

Im intrigued that lots of posters are saying people have differing appetites (obviously true) or that older people tend to eat less (true in lots of cases)
.....but seem to have no concept of hosting guests. We never eat marmalade but an elderly guest we hosted always ate it for breakfast...so we bought it. Providing suitable amounts of food for people even if your fridge can barely close is a basic of hosting guests imo

@HumbleStumble And no doubt, your in laws are a healthy weight, as opposed to the rest of the population. 2/3 of adults are either overweight or obese, last time I checked.

What has this got to do with anything.
Eating 3 meals a day doesnt equate to being overweight?

If they eat as described by the OP, they are probably malnourished because of lack of fibre and vitamins.

Ugh. We had this when we used to visit my husband's parents. I don't think it's uncommon. They had money (loads!), but think they forgot how much food teenagers can eat! We would go out and top up the 'snacks' and cereal and cook a lot of the meals so they wouldn't go hungry

Might be difficult but children (or adults) can't be left to starve.

I think i am a bit in love with you, @Iwishicouldflyhigh

Like you didn't want to just bring up a spelling mistake.

Horses Dooverses!

Agree! I’m not a coeliac vegetarian but when my friend who is comes to stay I make sure our main meals are all things she can have and get in GF bread, snacks, separate butter/jam etc. I don’t really eat much for breakfast but have a friend who does so I get in croissants, bacon, sausages etc when he stays. I know my gran won’t want a lot and panics about food waste so I serve her up a smaller portion and let her know I can get her more if she wants etc.