In laws with tiny stomachs

[HumbleStumble]

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

No they know that I only do breakfast and tea/dinner in my house.

I don't get it ... You're driving, shopping and paying? What stops you getting in what your family need and serving what the ILs wants?

Briskly shut down any 'comments' with the science of how growing children and active adults need more fuel.

Ask how much they'd like then serve them smaller portions as requested and your family what you need.

I hate both extremes of food botherers.

I actually feel lucky to have gallbladder surgery coming up because people seem to understand "I'm on a diet pre-surgery" vs, "no thank you, I don't want another glass of wine".

People who won't take no for an answer and people who don't serve you anything are equally annoying.

The wet blanket DH should be speaking up. He is happy to let his children starve rather than speak to his parents that himself and his family need more food.

If you know full well that your guests would usually eat three meals and you still choose to only offer them two, you are a poor host.
You are putting your own desire to do meals only twice in a day above your guests desire to eat 3 meals - that does not make you a generous and hospitable hosts.

By the same token; you know visitors will, in all likelihood, want to eat at lunchtime. Don't you think it would be nicer for your guests to be catered for? It's really awkward having to store and prepare meals in someone else's kitchen.

They can eat but lunch is only usually small anyway isn't it? Not a full blown meal.

Lunch is literally one of the 3 meals a day that most people commonly eat. I tend to have a similar number of calories for lunch and dinner, assuming I am not eating out or doing a fancy evening meal. Even then I would still have a substantial lunch

Lunch today was a thin broth soup. No bread. The bowls were filled up halfway. I threw some cheese under the surface for us when in laws were attending to an unexpected knock at the door (Amazon delivering to wrong house). When they returned to their soup they said they couldn't possibly finish any more and started washing up. One takeaway (am dreading the process of ordering) and one more sleep to go.

So out of interest if you had said 'oh we are quite hungry so just going to butter some bread to have with this', what would have happened?

You really think healthy, active adults can't take in three meals a day without becoming overweight?

Feel like this thread has alot of competitive under eating going on

Im not sure why you just didnt say, I need some bread with this?

This is all very amusingly delivered so I don't know if you're going for light-hearted or not, sorry if so... but I couldn't stand this dancing around a subject and just passively letting my children go hungry in order to not offend?! Honestly just cheerily make more food and ignore their faces. I'd also be livid at my DH for doing nothing about this.

Some people are very "territorial" about their kitchens - my mil doesnt even like other family making a cuppa.

I think the OP meant hors d'oevres! It's a savoury appetiser.

I’m like that, but I’m coeliac. I do make things containing gluten for my family, but I am really careful about what I use and where I use it due to cross contamination.

If someone else made themselves a sandwich in my kitchen, they wouldn’t know which chopping board to use, or which butter is mine and would likely contaminate a lot of stuff.

I get a lot of rolling of eyes from family, but I’m not taking the risk of feeling like death.

I am a feeder though so there is always more than enough food.

That’s just mumsnet tbf…

Oh right, I used to have lunch years ago but it would only be a sandwich or roll. What do you have for lunch?

hors d'oeuvre

If its that miserable please consider going home.

You bought the food yes and you and your kids are being given half a bowl of broth with no bread?

I honestly don't understand parents putting their children through this.
Your poor children spending Christmas with such misery.
I really think it is so damaging and not normal.
Your husband is completely wet.
They would get offended at you bringing more food?
Really controlling and obviously very deliberate.
And you and your husband tolerate it.

So messed up and you are both bringing it into the next generation allowing your children to be exposed to toxicity.

So messed up.

Im not sure why you just didnt say, I need some bread with this?

Absolutely this ^
And why not say "I'm adding some cheese ,we have different appetites and need something more substantial ."?

This goes beyond your in-laws having small stomachs. Broth for a meal? When they are hosting?

There are a few things...

1. 60s is NOT old enough to be pecking at food like this, especially for a man. I am in my mid-40s and I know lots of people in their 60s who have children under the age of 15, or are busy with kids in their early 20s, work full time, living very much like people in their 50s. I have never met a single person in their 60s with a reduced appetite like what you describe.
2. Your inlaws may choose to eat like this, but they are being extremely self-centered to think that you all should too. It's worse that it is Christmas when most people indulge a little because, you know, it's a time to celebrate...
3. Your inlaws have NO room to take offense over you wanting to nourish your children or enjoy more food--ever, but especially at Christmas. It may be their house, but it's your holiday, and your children.
4. Your husband is being a complete coward. (He must be ravenous, too.)
5. I would NEVER bring my children to their house for Christmas again. Think of how unfair this is to them! I would likely never bring them for an overnight in general. Your inlaws are thoughtless, inconsiderate, and terrible hosts. Period.

How awful. And at Christmas! They sound narrow-minded, soulless, and old beyond their years.

It varies but the stuff i eat for lunch i would generally also eat for dinner e.g. meat or fish with a load of veg/potatoes, a big salad with alot of protein and fats (eg avocado, seeds, nuts). I dont tend to eat sandwiches as they dont fill me up but I would still say a sandwich is a 'meal'?