Page 13 | In laws with tiny stomachs

SleepQuest33 · 28/12/2025 11:19

I remember staying with my wonderful mum in law for a couple of weeks while breastfeeding my new born (a couple of decades ago), DH had to travel for work and I stayed with my in-laws.
It was cheese on toast for lunch! just a couple of tiny pieces of toast as well. I was ravenous!!! DH explained to his mum that I was really hungry (I didn’t know he’d do that, I was so embarrassed). She was really sweet and hadn’t realised my appetite was so much bigger than hers. She took it well and there was never again a problem after that.

these days I do intermittent fasting so don’t have any breakfast and just have one big meal (usually lunch).

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 28/12/2025 11:20

All this talk about older people’s appetites misses the point. It’s about some people’s rather pathetic empathy and hospitality. If people are invited to your house, you prioritise their comfort.

Kalanthe · 28/12/2025 11:20

ChristmasMantleStatue · 28/12/2025 11:08

Ive got an aunt who is like that. She's over 70 now and has had an eating disorder all her life. Mostly bulimia I think as I know she vomits after a 'big meal'. She's 'gifted' that approach to her own daughters who she used to call 'fat little pigs' if they ate a whole banana for (and entirely true) example. It's quite tragic really. we went to her house for dinner once and she shared out 5 salmon fillets between 7 adults and two teens with 3 string beans on the side. We refuse to eat at hers now and always either cater ourselves or go out to eat.

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This is absolutely horrific. I was anorexic in my early 20s and I’m super careful with language around children, we don’t even say the word “fat” in our house, even if it’s about a cat. Absolutely no labeling or funny behaviour around food

ohrodneyyouresuchplonker · 28/12/2025 11:21

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nicepotoftea · 28/12/2025 11:22

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I don't understand the relevance to the OP's post.

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 28/12/2025 11:23

TaupeWriter · 28/12/2025 10:22

My MIL has form for this and it drives me crazy. I just want to have 3 meals a day and have some sort of certainty that it will happen! I feel like I am the only person prepared to say ‘shall we eat now’, ‘what’s the plan for lunch’,‘I’m hungry’ etc- pretty sure if I didn’t say anything then we would never eat. She has the appetite of a sparrow which is fine but she enforces it onto others which is not fine, she commonly says things like ‘oh me and FIL have only just had breakfast so we don’t need lunch’, when actually FIL turns out to be quite peckish. Also, when we are hosting and trying to feed her and find out a meal we can cook that we can all enjoy she will say ‘oh just dry toast for me’, ffs. She has also described DH and DD as ‘piggy’ for enjoying a full breakfast. Which made my blood boil. I spend my time trying to limit contact and maintain positive attitudes towards food in our own family home. She does have a very restricted diet so it’s possible she has an eating disorder but controlling or commenting about other people’s eating is not ok. Especially a child! DH is on my side but I think has just been worn down over the years, and communication in general is poor so he has sort of given up I think. He also doesn’t get as hangry as me or DD…..

But why don’t you just look her in the eye and ask her to please not make comments like that in front of DD? Why are you sparing yoour mil’s feelings at the expense of your DD’s?
I just do not understand this passiveness.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 11:30

CandiedPrincess · 27/12/2025 19:23

As you get older, you need less calories, your metabolism changes and you eat less. A lot of older people only eat small meals.

Yes metabolism changes after 60 but it's around 0.7 per cent a year

The OPs family sound like they have some very weird issues around food

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 11:31

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I certainly don't hate being a size 14. I'm more than happy at that size.

lazyarse123 · 28/12/2025 11:31

We only have our adult kids at christmas lunch so no one staying over. My lot would tell me if they were hungry.
Dh can be a bit regimented with his meal times. He will have breakfast and then we might go shopping but if it takes a while and we don't get back till after 2.00 and i ask if he wants a sandwich he'll say oh no it's nearly tea time. I just look at him and say it's at least 3 hours till tea and i'm having something and 9/10 he will have something. I have to tell him that because it's only us we can eat at whatever time we want early or late.
One morning i work up at 6 and stayed up, he got up about 8 and about 10.00 i had a sandwich he was puzzled as to why i was eating at that time. Because i was hungry.

FlyingApple · 28/12/2025 11:33

I don't understand it, can't respect it. My grandparents would feed us so much every time we came over (which was very often!) and they were not rolling in it either but we never knew.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 11:35

HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:06

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

Don't let them dictate to you and don't let them throw food you've bought away. It sounds completely miserable. My mum is in her 70s and she's very slim and doesn't have a huge appetite although she eats regularly - but she doesn't sit at Christmas making other people feel bad if she doesn't eat as much as other people.

It's unfair to your kids as well if they are being given tiny portions particularly if you bought the food

Skybluepinky · 28/12/2025 11:40

Take your own food, they have set their budget and you eat far more than them.

soupyspoon · 28/12/2025 11:40

BauhausOfEliott · 28/12/2025 10:39

Hmmm. I’ve been to celebratory occasions in Italy and France and let me tell you, anyone not eating all the endless courses and knocking back a glass of wine with every dish was definitely frowned upon and heavily encouraged to keep eating. And my friend’s Indian parents are essentially deaf to the words ‘no thanks, I’m full’.

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Actually having said all that, I remembered just after my post how uneaten meals when on holiday are met with concern, 'dont you like it', 'anything wrong'

No, its gorgeous but I just cant finish it.

I try to remember to take plastic pots with me in restaurants to take stuff home but dont always remmber.

Okiedokie123 · 28/12/2025 11:41

MeltedAlmonds · 27/12/2025 22:44

It is ‘minuscule’ ;-)

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Wowsers, I shall remember this next time I’m accused of being pedantic! One letter incorrect. 😂

Sam9769 · 28/12/2025 11:47

My Mil has always been really tight. Years ago when we visited, when it came to dinner time we were so hungry we'd eat anything.
If there was cake she'd cut thin slices with everyone sitting around the table watching as she controlled what everyone ate and the portion sizes.
It was all about means and control with her, the old bag!
She's even worse now so when my husband is visiting her, he stops at the local pub nearby and had steak and chips before he arrives.
Why don't you just go out and have a meal and not put up with this shit?

Elektra1 · 28/12/2025 11:48

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 28/12/2025 10:47

Mid 60's is not 'older'. We don't turn into birds when we pass 60 you know.

I've heard people in their 80's eat a bit less, aren't as hungry. Most people in their 60's are still.working full time.

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My parents certainly ate a lot less from about their early 60s onwards, as have (in the main) the other older relatives and family friends in my life. The couple who didn’t, got fatter and got type 2 diabetes.

Lavender14 · 28/12/2025 11:50

CandiedPrincess · 27/12/2025 19:23

As you get older, you need less calories, your metabolism changes and you eat less. A lot of older people only eat small meals.

This is very true, so it makes sense that they wouldn't eat as much as the rest of your family. However they are being unreasonable to expect you to eat the same as them and not properly provide for the guests they're hosting. And that really is your dh issue to solve, he needs to have a quiet word and explain that your appetites are a bit bigger than theirs and as such he thinks it's only fair you provide some of the food when you stay. Or I'd actually avoid staying/ would keep a secret stash of food for you and the kids. There's nothing worse than being stuck hungry at someone else's house.

BlackCatFanClub · 28/12/2025 11:50

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/12/2025 11:04

Are they very slim, OP?

I’ve tended to be a wee bit suspicious of people who hardly eat, after long ago sharing a flat with 2 girls who’d have ‘just a bit of lettuce’ etc. when I was there.

They were both nurses working shifts, and I once came home unexpectedly in the middle of the day to find them both tucking into a big roast dinner with all the trimmings, and some lavish pudding with cream waiting.
I actually couldn’t have given a toss over what they did or didn’t eat, but they both went bright red - caught in the act! 😂

Might add that neither of them was exactly on the skinny side!

There are performance non eaters. My SIL doesn’t eat in front of people but my BIL has often said she really eats when people aren’t watching.
My MIL was a grazer, and then ate/served very small meals and made a big fuss about it as if she didn’t eat at all.

Thebookofcarolagain · 28/12/2025 11:57

Its got nothing to do with age, sex or appetite. My aunt is in her 90s. She eats very small portions due to health issues but always has a full fridge, bakes cakes and biscuits ready for any visitors. If we get there early she has bacon for butties a proper fish and chips tea etc . Tells my 2 adult kids to eat up, that's what it's there for. She always has done. My kids love visiting cos they get all the cake and biscuits they want as she laughs in glee. I gave up trying to stop them years sgo as its only once in a while and does them no harm.😁
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know other people have different appetites and if you are hosting you accommodate that.

Meadowfinch · 28/12/2025 12:00

CandiedPrincess · 27/12/2025 19:23

As you get older, you need less calories, your metabolism changes and you eat less. A lot of older people only eat small meals.

Please don't assume this though. I'm 62, working full time, a runner, a single mum.
I always have extra food in my car when I visit elderly relatives because I am usually ravenous.

Some people's metabolism may slow down. Mine hasn't. 😀

Threetoedsloth · 28/12/2025 12:00

Passaggressfedup · 27/12/2025 19:40

It's hard to answer because I've had family members who consider I eat next to nothing and are starving myself when I have a perfect BMI and theirs put them in the overweight category. I don't have the heart to say to them that my calorie intake is fine, theirs on the other hand is the problem.

Perfect user name. You sound delightful.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/12/2025 12:02

nicepotoftea · 28/12/2025 11:16

We are talking about people who are only few years older than Madonna and Jennifer Lopez.

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I know! It's astounding to me that so many people think 'old' means 'lived through the war, grew up on rations, Vera Lynn'. People in their late 60s now were born in the late 1950s and were just starting school when the Beatles and the Rolling Stones were storming the charts. The war was old hat for the generation above them, never mind their own generation!

meercat23 · 28/12/2025 12:02

Now that I am old(er) I find I can't manage large portions. On Christmas Day my lovely daughter in law served up a feast that I couldn't really do justice to but I would never expect other people to accept the smaller portions that I can manage. Incidentally, small portions notwithstanding I can pick at bits all day without a problem!

The other thing I find shocking about these kinds of threads is the number of people, usually older people, that feel it is OK to comment on how much food other people need or can manage. As if having a birdlike appetite is some kind of virtue.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 28/12/2025 12:03

ChristmasMantleStatue · 28/12/2025 11:08

Ive got an aunt who is like that. She's over 70 now and has had an eating disorder all her life. Mostly bulimia I think as I know she vomits after a 'big meal'. She's 'gifted' that approach to her own daughters who she used to call 'fat little pigs' if they ate a whole banana for (and entirely true) example. It's quite tragic really. we went to her house for dinner once and she shared out 5 salmon fillets between 7 adults and two teens with 3 string beans on the side. We refuse to eat at hers now and always either cater ourselves or go out to eat.

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I feel for her daughters. Don’t blame you for not wanting to eat at hers, I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that.

Jamesblonde2 · 28/12/2025 12:06

Thebookofcarolagain · 28/12/2025 11:57

Its got nothing to do with age, sex or appetite. My aunt is in her 90s. She eats very small portions due to health issues but always has a full fridge, bakes cakes and biscuits ready for any visitors. If we get there early she has bacon for butties a proper fish and chips tea etc . Tells my 2 adult kids to eat up, that's what it's there for. She always has done. My kids love visiting cos they get all the cake and biscuits they want as she laughs in glee. I gave up trying to stop them years sgo as its only once in a while and does them no harm.😁
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know other people have different appetites and if you are hosting you accommodate that.

This 100%.

This is what proper grandparents do. They take pleasure in feeding their families when they visit. A full belly from a full heart.