Daughter has bought her 7 year old a phone

[Alisonjayne8]

It's a phone that's capable of social media with all the bells and whistles.

I am fuming about it but what can I do. I watched a documentary about Snapchat and tik tok and what gets shown to new users, it scares the life out of me.

What is the point of a smartphone then? You can have the same interaction you’re describing on a non smartphone. Could it be your child does not use it just for messaging siblings?

The moment you hand your child a smartphone, you end their childhood. Your daughter has done just that. Congratulations to her. She clearly doesn’t care about her child’s mental health. You are not being unreasonable at all. Best thing that could happen to the phone is a mallet….. I’d go Kirsty Allsop on it and smash it before real harm is done. And no, that’s not an exaggeration. I work in education and see what smart phones/social media does to kids

Would you say the same about a camera, walkman or gameboy?

As I said above, she also plays a game on there.

How am I being either naive or ignorant?

Are you saying the only reason to have a smartphone is to go on social media? You can't fathom that there's other functions and apps that people might want to use?

It is poor parenting. There is absolutely no reason a child needs a smartphone. There is plenty of research that shows the negative impact on giving them to a child. Even it is SIM card free or totally supervised, the only reason a child would even want a phone is because they see it as being something important, special, necessary. So must be picking it up from the adults around them who are clearly modelling unhealthy relationship with their phone.

Some schools are now doing smartphone free childhood contracts. Asking parents to commit to giving their child a smartphone free childhood until 13 or 14. The aim being that it will remove the peer pressure to have a smartphone. I hope more do it and removing the social pressure to have one is the biggest precursor to majority of kids wanting one.

Having worked in a primary school where many of our year 5s and 6s who are 'supervised' on them have had incidents, there is zero chance I will be giving my child one before 13 and I do have very low opinions of parents who give them to their children.

The biggest regret I have as a parent of a 16 & 14 year old is giving them phones in Y6. Not because of them accessing inappropriate content, they had heavy restrictions, we monitored their use and did all the things you’re ’supposed’ to do as a responsible parent. But because their attention span is now that of a goldfish. They can’t watch a whole film or read more than a chapter of a book because they can’t not touch their phones. And they are all like it - the constant stimulation, flicking from one app to the next, constant messages from friends, permanently being on line. We managed to get my eldest ‘back in the room’ for exams but it was not easy. I’ll be starting much earlier with my youngest and wish I’d given them a flip phone from day 1.

Why parents can’t discourage phones is beyond me. Once they hit secondary school that’s it. You have very little say. When they are little you do.

The responses on here remind me of parents at my school. Very rare they have the phone year 3 and below. But it happens.

Unbelievable.

Those kids will all be getting "ADHD/ASD" diagnoses in a few years then. Crap parenting

Same - and her Apple account is completely controlled by mine - she can’t even add a contact (or even amend one!) without my consent. Unknown numbers can’t phone her. She can’t call numbers that aren’t contacts.

She can’t download apps without me knowing. I have to consent first.

She can’t access the internet without my consent.

Upshot is, fun can be had absolutely safely.

And she knows WHY these safety measures are in place, which is really important for them to know.

It can be done if you’re sensible.

Because my nearly 10 year old already has a phone, she’ll be well over it (and already is 😆) by the time she starts secondary where the REAL danger lies.

Teach them to use a phone safely at a young age. It’s worked for me.

My DD is 8 and none of her friends have phones. How on earth adults can give something so harmful to a child is astonishing.

This

The hysteria on here is wild!!! Surely noone believes OPs dd is going to allow a 7 year old to set up social media accounts or suddenly have complete unsupervised and unrestricted access to the dark Web for 16 hours a day? A cheap smartphone is usually much cheaper than a tablet, and has access to plenty of age appropriate things children in the age of modern technology love: cameras, simple games, music etc. None of these things were issues when we were children, but just because they come in the format of a smartphone it's suddenly evil? And if a 7 year old can send a few "hi, what are you doing?" messages to family and friends what is the harm? I didn't have a smartphone until I was 27....because that's when they were released, it's now more and more common for these things to be more accessible to younger and younger children. As long as its limited screen time (any responsible parent would do this) and totally monitored then honestly there is zero issue.

speak for yourself.

You know it's possible to first, not let a child on their phone without supervision, and more importantly, to see what your child actually does on their phone?

I guess people who are as ignorant as you are probably safer without a phone indeed.

OP have you asked your daughter about it, what the daughter will have access to etc? It may be a smartphone but that doesn't mean that she will have access to SM, snapchat etc. DS had my old smartphone when he was 9, but only it could only be used at home on the home internet or if out with me (e.g. long car journey) and only for games and child friendly apps - CBBC, etc. He didn't have unfettered access to anything and everything.

Well you brought your daughter up to do this and make this sort of decision, Mrs Judgy Pants, so actually you carry some of the blame

I think posters do believe it because that's what they would do themselves!

Leave their own kids with no supervision, probably to teach them to "be bored", and not having the faintest idea what their child does.

People telling you that a 7 year old will be accessing porn without you knowing anything about it tells you all you need to know. It's frightening that the lazy parents are the ones being so judgmental towards others.

I put all these restrictions in place too. I have/had no concerns about the safety aspect of it. The issue is these apps are addictive to their developing brains. They are designed to get kids hooked on checking them umpteen times a day. If you’re restricting phone time to say an hour a day, that’s fine as pre-teens. But once they’re hooked, my 16 year old DS is physically bigger & stronger than me and it’s not possible to take his phone off him if he doesn’t want to surrender it. We can switch the WiFi off sure, but when you WFH it’s not really an option.

Agree

This reply is quite frightening and shocking.

My dd had a heavily restricted phone at a similar age. Her dad and I are not together, it meant she could talk to one whist with the other. It meant she could still chat to her brother when he went to uni and now her sister who is in her second year.

I used to wfh frequently and require my phone so not always practical for her to use mine. It was checked daily, she was only allowed to download apps with permission granted by my phone. Only immediate famiky had the number and she was aware not to give it out.

Even now as a young teen she is heavily restricted and her phone is checked daily. She has limits and her phone is also locked from 7pm til 7am daily. But she is at senior achool and it is needed for homework. There are WhatsApp groups where they all talk about homework and help each other, it"s actually been very helpful for her..

You have no idea what restrictions your daughter has set up or what reasons she has for giving her child the phone. You have made a snap judgement and whilst your are entitled to your opinion it is frankly sod all to do with you.

I feel so sorry for children of this age whose ignorant parents give them smart phones. It is a form of emotional neglect in my eyes.

Your nearly 10 year old? It’s not worked because she’s 9. You don’t know if it’s worked until she’s at secondary school. You get that right?