Daughter has bought her 7 year old a phone

[Alisonjayne8]

It's a phone that's capable of social media with all the bells and whistles.

I am fuming about it but what can I do. I watched a documentary about Snapchat and tik tok and what gets shown to new users, it scares the life out of me.

Your daughter needs to look at the EVIDENCE here about how damaging smartphones are for children and young people:
https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/the-issue/problem

You can do that on a tablet though. I'm 37 and don't own a smartphone. I have a cheap Nokia for calls and texts (and Snake!) but I do everything else on a tablet, although I don't go on tiktok or Snapchat either.

... so why did you give small children a phone?

What did they even use them for...

I literally answered this on my last reply to you.

Why not get them a restricted kids tablets and download zinzoo? It’s run by you as a parent, it’s a messaging and video call app, you need codes to access contacts which is sent to the parent rather than the child and you have access to their account form your phone/tablet ect.

nobody, under the age of secondary school needs a smartphone. It’s a hill I will die on. My mum thought I was safe online when I was younger, I was given a phone young and I saw loads of shit I didn’t want to see that’s left me scarred.. and that was at 11-12 years old.

I’ve seen real life people be stabbed, beheaded, animals stomped on and killed, pornographic shit involving people and animals, I saw a glass jar break in a man’s anus when I was 12 years old.

I never looked for that shit, it was stuff that I was shown by other people, people who had accounts hacked, or just because it was shared around, sometimes I even got shown from a friends device.

I’ve been groomed, I’ve had my images I sent to my boyfriend put on social media.

At the time, I thought I was just talking to mates, people I met through games and apps.. looking back I know it was grooming now.

Smartphones should absolutely be banned before a certain age. You cannot stop what happens online completely.. they’ll never be 100% safe - but better they some understanding at 14/15 on what to look for, than clueless as a literal single digit child.

anyone who thinks it’s ok is a neglectful, naive parent and needs to do better.

It depends why she’s bought it and what she intends to do with it. A smartphone is just a mini tablet, and people probably wouldn’t be up in arms about a 7yo having a tablet.

My 8yo has an old iPhone which he uses a tablet - it’s heavily locked down with just a couple of games and a handful of age-appropriate websites. There are time limits set so he can only use it for a set amount of time on specific days.

So technically he has “a phone” but he doesn’t have use of most things you would associate with a phone.

So? You can do all that on a smartphone so why have a tablet and phone when you can just have it all in one?

None of my older 4 are on any social media at all, they aren't interested.

As I say, I'm happy with my parenting.

What's the difference between her sending messages to her brother under my supervision on my phone for a short period of time per day vs her sending messages to her brother on her phone for a short period of time per day?

Where I'm from 7yo usually gets a phone. Smartphones are the most common ones. But majority of parents can control access to apps and Internet.

He's severley ND so having his own helped to define what he was allowed for his own use solely. Believe me, it was a whole load of thought put into it and recommend by experts of his condition.

And addictive!

They are, in fact, perfect, thanks for acknowledging that.

But, no, none of my dc have ever had any online problems at all, because I educate them well, and if they did have problems they would know what to do.

The phone isn’t the issue.

I assume they own a tv and a pc/games console, so it’s no different.

The only issue are the parental controls on it and whether she chooses to protect her that way.

You can just advise her of the dangers and help her with the parental controls.
She’s her parent so you can’t tell her what to do, only advise in a non judgmental way.

Mine haven't either, but that's not what people want to hear.

Thirty flirty said it all,straight from the horse's mouth so to speak as the reasons not to have a smartphone at a young age.

Snap - totally get why your child had one. Similar for me

as in ex is an alcoholic and I wanted to make sure that dd 8 could contact me anytime if she felt scared /unsafe/ if he is drinking etc while at his

she has never needed it for that use thankfully but covering all angles

dd also stays at a friend while I work so she actually uses it more to text me

she obv doesn’t have Facebook - tik tok - instagram - snapshot

she can use the internet but can do that on our home iPad so don’t see the diff for googling stuff /homework whether phone or iPad. Both have restrictions

it locks after so many hours use and apps close over night apart from calling /texting me

she’s learning how to be responsible with it

True, its down to insecurity. Anything that deviates from their parenting methods is seen as terrible and they can't comprehend that some people have the time and energy to teach their kids appropriately, so just put us down as lazy parents instead of actually listening.

YANBU. No 7 year old needs a phone FGS.

I understand you concerns .
Could you ask your daughter if she has any concerns and what she is doing to safeguard her 7 yr old .

This. While I wouldn't buy a new smart phone for a child that age, my 8 year old has a very old one with an old fashioned pay as you go SIM.

She can message her family. Most of the time it's sat on my cupboard. But we live in a small village and she sometimes calls on her friends to play. That is the reason for the phone. We tried watches but they still needed a SIM and were so temperamental that we sent them back and gave her an ancient phone instead.

It's locked down and she needs permission to install anything.

So I'm on the fence. I agree she's far too young for the things you mention but this may not be the intended use.

I saw on Tik Tok an eight month old baby getting an IPad! Also a 3 year old and a 5 year old! Parents are mad!

I do check my DC's messages regularly, and he uses standard messaging only, so is not able to be added to groups. He only messages his close friends - he has maybe 4 contacts, other than family.

Also, he is a typical boy, so his messages are either practical ("do you want to play fortnite now", "are you going to the park") or a back and forth of emojis with a two day gap in between messages.

I do see the potential issues, but part of giving a phone is keeping an eye on these things. And they do hit an age where you can't keep sending their messages to their friend's mums constantly on request.

Because you're supervising the chat.

She/you won't have the risk of random people/friends sending things to her phone that a child shouldn't see.

I just genuinely can't see the point in giving them a phone of their own at 7.

They can still be taught how to safely use tech before being given access to their own phones at an older,.more suitable age.

That does seem very young - 7 is year 2 or 3. But there is a big difference between using their parents old phone like a tablet, and having SIM cards, whatts app and social media. Hopefully your daughter is doing the first option.

My 10 year old (year 5) will get one in year 6, as will start to walk home on own to prep for secondary, and school make it mandatory to have a phone for this. We considered waiting until secondary, but thought better to start access to whatts app etc with her close friends who we know well, to get her used to how to access sensibly and safely, rather than waiting until secondary.

Because I like being offline when I'm out. The phone is for emergencies.