Am I being unreasonable to interfere with brides choice?

[Allequal]

I was shopping in an asian bridal outlet this week and saw a large group of white british ladies trying on Indian bridal outfits. I assumed they were all getting married but I got talking to one of them who explained to me that she is getting married to an Indian chap and that the other ladies were her family and bridesmaids. To which I responded "oh so they are all trying on the dresses to help you decide?" And she said "no they are picking outfits for themselves.

I was absolutely horrified and explained to her that in this shop the type of clothing is just for the bride, and that if her whole family are wearing bridal outfits the grooms family will be confused as to who the bride is, and it will detract from the day because there would be a lot of scandal and gossip during and after the event.
The bride was angry and basically told me off for interfering, said she was happy for her family to look beautiful on the day but I tried to explain to her that it isnt about beauty, it would be like seeing an Indian bride in an English shop and her whole family and bridesmaids are all planning on buying a white wedding gown to turn up to the church together. You know it would look ridiculous and would become a family joke eventually
But she basically said I was rude and the shopkeeper asked me to leave (naturally wanting to make a lot of sales).

Was i unreasonable for interfering? I just didn't want her big day to be spoiled.

I agree - this would be my reading too. She may also not have understood the distinction you were trying to explain.

I would have been embarrassed in her shoes but ultimately grateful that somewhat warned me. It's horrible when people silently look on and watch you struggle or make a mistake instead of helping.

I also think some posters are being either naive or disingenuous to suggest that if an entire bridal party turned up to a church wedding in white bridal gowns that it wouldn't become a source of gossip and jokes. Some people might be nice about it but plenty would leak it out into the wider community and take the piss or be judgemental.

All the Asian guests will be laughing at this English bride and her friends and family who are on an exotic dress fetish. It will be very clear to all the Asian guests that this bride doesn't have any respect for the culture that she's marrying into. She is just there for the dressing up opportunities and isn't interested in actually learning about the culture.

Not a good start to a her marriage imo, it's also very telling that the bride didn't invite any member of her fiancé's family. She should be asking advice about bare skin especially if the community is a bit conservative. In my community, both mums would attend as the groom's side would pay for the bridal outfit.

You were very rude. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s between the bride & the groom- he should be the one to advise her or not.

Agree that she was defensive because she was embarrassed. There is also another term for when you pick and choose bits of another culture without making the effort to understand and be respectful. Lots of women dressing up as Indian brides for a friend's wedding, not listening when it is pointed out to them that this isn't appropriate, is textbook cultural appropriation.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. There would be so much gossip, shock and horror at a "white English" wedding if a load of guests turned up in white bridal gowns. It is the kind of thing you might see in a comedy movie.
If I was going to a wedding of a different culture I would appreciate the assistance. I imagine your bride has probably rejected all assistance from the groom's family and called them interfering.

I mean yabu as it's nothing to do with you what her family will wear and wasn't your place to comment. However I appreciate you did it with good intentions.

This bride is culturally appropriating and is extremely insensitive and disrespectful. She is setting herself up to be a laughing stock by her in-laws. There'll be the bride's family thinking they all look gorgeous and the Asian in laws will be absolutely horrified by the faux pas. Each culture not understanding the other is a recipe for a happy marriage - not!

I can't understand how the groom's family would be so confused by the appearance of everyone in wedding dresses.

I also can't understand why you thought a clutch of white women in an Indian bridal shop were all brides to be. That would be unusual to the point of preposterous.

I think you should have minded your own business. Not everyone takes everything they see at 100% face value.

It will be plain to the bride's family and friends that the young woman has made a huge mistake by marrying someone from such a nasty family then.

The groom is marrying into the bride's family. They live in the UK. They had all better get used to each other's way of seeing things, but nastiness has no place in the wider family.

There's an easy fix - the groom's family can get over themselves, forgive and forget, and welcome this young woman with open arms and hearts.

In what world is half the brides family wearing a bridal gown the norm? How do you tell who is the bride and who isnt? How does the bride stand out as the bride on the wedding day?
I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

I can't understand how the groom's family would be so confused by the appearance of everyone in wedding dresses.

Really? You wouldn't be confused if you were at a church wedding and the entire bridal party were wearing white wedding dresses?

I would be confused.

Really strange series of posts - of course they will judge - not just the faux pas but the lack of effort from the bride’s family to understand the cultural traditions they are marrying into.

OP you did the right thing and you did your best. It’s a shame she didn’t want to hear you. Hopefully you seeded some doubt in her mind and they didn’t buy a suite of bridal wear.

You can’t help how stupid some people are op. I think it was kind of you to point this out.

Oh give over.

“I was absolutely horrified and explained to her that in this shop the type of clothing is just for the bride, and that if her whole family are wearing bridal outfits the grooms family will be confused as to who the bride is, and it will detract from the day because there would be a lot of scandal and gossip during and after the event.”

If it was coming across that you were “absolutely horrified,” that might have been the issue. She may have felt that you were accusing her of doing something morally wrong, as opposed to just giving her a heads-up about cultural traditions in Indian weddings. Especially once you said that there would be “scandal and gossip.”

But I’ve seen plenty of “western” women wear Asian clothing to a wedding. I thought that was acceptable?

Op, genuinely asking as I don’t know and curious, for an Asian wedding, is there a specific bridal outfit? Obviously in western cultures it’s a white dress, but is there something specific an Asian bride should wear? Maybe the women were like me (totally uneducated in Asian weddings!!) and thought they could just choose any outfit?

Yanbu. I think some people aren't appreciating the cultural differences here. The 'it's nothing to do with you' comments show that - it literally is your culture that these women are riding roughshod all over, in my opinion it's disrespectful of them not to listen to you when you explained it was inappropriate. Clothes have huge significance in lots of cultures. Would people be so blasé if a group of people turned up to church dressed as a priest because the robes looked comfy. If you were the same culture then it would have been massively unreasonable to offer an opinion on their dresses but you're not. This is a classic example of cultural appropriation, people doing something because they like the aesthetic without bothering to learn the significance, and I think it's not ok.

You are a nosy busybody OP. Mind your own business instead of acting like a know it all. You sound like a mean girl as you so rudely called a PP.

Lol at 'absolutely horrified'.

Would you like a side order of utterly aghast with that? 🤣

From a quick Google: https://diademstore.com/blogs/blogs/bridal-vs-bridesmaid-lehengas-know-the-difference

If you were marrying an Indian man, and planning an Indian wedding, wouldn't you go to the trouble of informing yourself about some relevant cultural norms first? Or be receptive to hearing about them?

Is this supposed to be an example of polite and respectful communication?

Whereas you sound like an absolute delight

Have you mistyped? It's perfectly obvious how it might be confusing to guests at a wedding if the bride and all the bridesmaids were in bridal dresses whatever culture it was

This!