Am I being unreasonable to interfere with brides choice?

[Allequal]

I was shopping in an asian bridal outlet this week and saw a large group of white british ladies trying on Indian bridal outfits. I assumed they were all getting married but I got talking to one of them who explained to me that she is getting married to an Indian chap and that the other ladies were her family and bridesmaids. To which I responded "oh so they are all trying on the dresses to help you decide?" And she said "no they are picking outfits for themselves.

I was absolutely horrified and explained to her that in this shop the type of clothing is just for the bride, and that if her whole family are wearing bridal outfits the grooms family will be confused as to who the bride is, and it will detract from the day because there would be a lot of scandal and gossip during and after the event.
The bride was angry and basically told me off for interfering, said she was happy for her family to look beautiful on the day but I tried to explain to her that it isnt about beauty, it would be like seeing an Indian bride in an English shop and her whole family and bridesmaids are all planning on buying a white wedding gown to turn up to the church together. You know it would look ridiculous and would become a family joke eventually
But she basically said I was rude and the shopkeeper asked me to leave (naturally wanting to make a lot of sales).

Was i unreasonable for interfering? I just didn't want her big day to be spoiled.

I think it depends how persistent you were. Mentioning it once, fine. If she’s then told you she doesn’t mind - well that’s her choice and there’s no need for you to try to persuade her she’s wrong.

It is ok to say you think its unreasonable to step in, but how does me not wanting to see someone else get humiliated or taken advantage of translate to me needing attention? I have a happy life and I want the same for others. You give off massive mean girl vibes. Perhaps you are one of those girls who like to attend other people's weddings wearing a white gown....

Some of these responses are bizarre. If this was a group of Asian women all planning to buy a wedding dress to wear to a typical British wedding the responses would be different. God how many times on style and beauty are people told they can’t wear anything remotely white to a wedding as it is poor etiquette and of course there would be gossip and mocking and laughing if if the entire bridal party rocked up in wedding dresses.

To be honest many of these replies smack of just being dismissive of other cultures. But MN ignorance and nastiness is at its peak these days so why am I not surprised.

YANBU. I would absolutely have wanted to know, if I were that bride. And I don’t think you sound obsessed or desperate for attention. Sounds more like you tried to do a kind and thoughtful thing for a bride.

If an Asian bridal party turned up with everyone wearing wedding dresses and the bride was obviously happy then I’d think it was a rather lovely cross cultural merging and I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit judgmental

I think you should have included the info about the shop owner and his urdu conversation in your opening posy as it would probably have given a different spin.

Ultimately you tried to educate her. You can't force her to listen though.

Have you never wanted to be helpful to anyone?
Edit - that was to @PollyBell

The only thing that makes me doubt if it was the right thing to do, is that if I were the bride I'd probably have googled "what should bridal party wear at Asian wedding" or similar.

But otherwise, of course pointing out the problem they were generating for themselves was kind.

YADNBU. How awful a faux pas to have all the women turn up in wedding dresses-the shopkeeper must have been rubbing his hands in glee. I would’ve been grateful at your intervention and help.

You tried op

shame the bride to be would rather remain ignorant or maybe she will take on board your conversation

if not it sounds like a scene from a comedy film about inter racial relationships

I think she was on the defensive because she was embarrassed. First , for not knowing the difference between pretty outfit and bridal outfit , and second the possibility of being taken advantage of by the shop owner. It was easier to take it out on you/distrust you.

I think offering well-intentioned insight into your culture is absolutely reasonable, OP!

You were completely right and being helpful. Not sure why others on here would disagree. 🤔

10 years deep I am into a mixed marriage, Pakistani/Muslim family. I totally understand why you did what you did and think it was very kind of you to try and help her out. More fool her for not listening to you. She’ll soon understand how the aunties gossip and stuff. You really tried to save them from being ripped off and being embarrassed etc. it’s so kind you tried. Need more people like you x

But what culture would they be crossing? I do t know any culture where the wedding party all arrive in bridal attire, which is what the OP is talking about. I’d have been very appreciative of the advice @Allequal because I clearly in that context wouldn’t have understood the culture and wouldn’t want to make a faux pas on my wedding day.

You’ve done all you could, OP. Looks like she’ll have to learn an embarrassing, expensive mistake on her own.

It’s also a little bit of the bride’s fault for not bringing someone from her fiancé’s culture to help her understand what she was choosing.

I would have thought she'd change her mind pretty sharpish when she saw the prices of those outfits 😂

The shop keeper was a total cretin.

Oh and can you name and shame the shop please so people can avoid it!

I think you did the right thing. It’s not surprising that she reacted defensively I’m afraid, people do, but I bet as a pp said she will think it over afterwards and maybe check with her mother in law to be/ future SILs (or more likely remember the advice that her future MIL has been desperately trying to give her!!) So I think you will have helped. Ultimately

It is true that customs change as cultures meet each other but this certainly sounds like a big cultural chunk of knowledge that she needed even if she didn’t really want it.

You were lovely OP. Some people are just ungrateful twats.

I would want to be told, if it was me. Obviously if I'm not brought up in Indian culture, I'm going to have gaps in my knowledge and would be glad someone saved me from accidentally dressing my entire family in Indian bridal wear. I suppose maybe it depends how you said it but I think you were trying to help.

In your situation I would have just apologized, explained my intention and left it at that. I don't think you did anything wrong on the whole, it was obviously just wrong for them. They might even go home and reflect on what you've said anyway and take your advice. Maybe they felt silly at their mistake and were trying to save face.

Perhaps you spoke to them in a condescending way and she became overly defensive because of that?

Perhaps the bride-to-be genuinely doesn't want to follow convention and wants to follow her own path?

Perhaps she doesn't care about other people's opinion including yours or extended family?

It's hard to know how someone is going to react when a random stranger gives unsolicited advice. The bride was defensive but maybe she felt entitled to be defensive when you interrupted what was going on?

If at an English wedding, the bride wanted all her friends and family to also wear wedding dresses, isn't that her right? It's their wedding, and maybe that's what they wanted.

I think you did the right thing, and at least you tried.

The problem is that I think a lot of white people (I’m white btw) see Asian formal wear and think, ooh, bright colours, gold, sparkles! And they think it’s all the same because it’s all bright and pretty and shiny, without appreciating the hugely significant cultural nuances.

In 6 months there will be an aibu about the bridesmaids being derided at an Indian wedding for all turning up in bridal outfits and why didn't the shopkeeper say something?