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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and perfume gift

92 replies

itsaperfumeone · 25/12/2025 13:31

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ungrateful.

DH asked me what I’d like for Christmas. I asked him. I got him what he asked for.

I said I’d really like a specific perfume. It was £90. It’s a lot but A) it was within the price range we agreed on and B) he said he’d get me it.

A few years ago, he got me a perfume for Christmas. I tried it on a few days later and absolutely hated it- he didn’t know beforehand as I’d never had it before, I’d never heard of it, it was just unfortunately not for me. It made me feel quite sick. It’s more Britney Spears perfume price than the one I wanted (although not spears’ perfume). I asked him a while ago could I throw it away as I just wouldn’t wear it and he said that was fine. I apologised profusely but it just was, for me, horrible.

So anyway he told me he was getting me the one I asked for. We have quite a lot in savings, plus agreed a price range for each other. I got him what he asked for. I got another bottle of the perfume that I hate. I was so disappointed. Thankfully I opened it when he was out of the room. He got me two other things I didn’t ask for. I’d asked for the perfume I wanted and a T-shirt from something I like. Just bear in mind I got him things he asked for and a few extra bits too. Don’t really care that I didn’t get the T-shirt but I’m upset about the perfume. AIBU?

OP posts:
gabsdot45 · 25/12/2025 13:35

Can you exchange it?

TidyCyan · 25/12/2025 13:35

No, YANBU. Why bother asking you? I hate it when there's a silent judgment about the value for money of a gift and you end up with a cheaper/inferior version of something plus extras to make up the extra money. He also knows you don't like it!

As above, ask for the receipt.

Pepperedpickles · 25/12/2025 13:38

In this situation I think you have to be honest - just say “oh what a shame, you’ve picked up the wrong one, how can we exchange it?”

themerchentofvenus · 25/12/2025 13:39

I would be really pissed off. Perfume is very specific.

I would be quite blunt with him. "I'm confused, this is the same perfume you bought me X years ago and I hated, so why did you buy me it again when I even told you which one I liked?".

Or did he not throw it out years ago and has re-gifted it back to you as he forgot??

Goditsmemargaret · 25/12/2025 13:40

I'd be pissed!!! In fact I am for similar reasons. It's just carelessness.

Knob.

missingtwins · 25/12/2025 13:41

This sounds like he possibly got confused as you’d spoken about the one you disliked recently? Is he forgetful? I’d be honest and say you appreciate it but it’s not the one you asked for and you’re going to return / exchange.

Blueuggboots · 25/12/2025 13:44

Don’t put up with it. One year, a boyfriend at the time got me a perfume I hadn’t asked for. It was a similar name (he bought j’adore but I can’t remember what the perfume was that I had requested!!) but smelt totally different.
I was so disappointed.
it just shows a lack of care and consideration and thought.

Pranksters · 25/12/2025 13:48

YANBU, and you should say something. It’s a complete lack of thought or care.

You can sell perfume on Vinted if you can’t exchange it.

LondonPapa · 25/12/2025 13:48

itsaperfumeone · 25/12/2025 13:31

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ungrateful.

DH asked me what I’d like for Christmas. I asked him. I got him what he asked for.

I said I’d really like a specific perfume. It was £90. It’s a lot but A) it was within the price range we agreed on and B) he said he’d get me it.

A few years ago, he got me a perfume for Christmas. I tried it on a few days later and absolutely hated it- he didn’t know beforehand as I’d never had it before, I’d never heard of it, it was just unfortunately not for me. It made me feel quite sick. It’s more Britney Spears perfume price than the one I wanted (although not spears’ perfume). I asked him a while ago could I throw it away as I just wouldn’t wear it and he said that was fine. I apologised profusely but it just was, for me, horrible.

So anyway he told me he was getting me the one I asked for. We have quite a lot in savings, plus agreed a price range for each other. I got him what he asked for. I got another bottle of the perfume that I hate. I was so disappointed. Thankfully I opened it when he was out of the room. He got me two other things I didn’t ask for. I’d asked for the perfume I wanted and a T-shirt from something I like. Just bear in mind I got him things he asked for and a few extra bits too. Don’t really care that I didn’t get the T-shirt but I’m upset about the perfume. AIBU?

Have you considered trying perfume before asking for it as a present? You seem intent on asking for what you’ve no clue as to your liking it or not.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 25/12/2025 13:49

It's either he got confused or he doesn't give a shit, you know which one it is.
I'd simply say, you've got me the one I don't like, we threw the last one away remember? I'd like you to return it and get me the one I asked for.
It's really easy.

TidyCyan · 25/12/2025 13:51

LondonPapa · 25/12/2025 13:48

Have you considered trying perfume before asking for it as a present? You seem intent on asking for what you’ve no clue as to your liking it or not.

Show quote history

She didn't ask for the cheaper one a few years ago. It was a spontaneous present. She said "I'd never heard of it".

StopBothering · 25/12/2025 13:53

These idiots never cock up like this at their BIG, IMPORTANT jobs, do they?

🙄

You've made it very clear what you want and what you don't like - I'd be asking him to explain why he feels like he cares so little and what the issue is.

Sharpzebra · 25/12/2025 13:56

I would exchange it next year maybe ask for a voucher for your shop where you can get the perfume or something you wanted myself and dh don't do presents but if we did I would prefer that

PattyBladelll · 25/12/2025 14:00

LondonPapa · 25/12/2025 13:48

Have you considered trying perfume before asking for it as a present? You seem intent on asking for what you’ve no clue as to your liking it or not.

Show quote history

Have you considered reading the post properly where OP says ‘I said I’d really like a specific perfume’ and instead he got her another bottle of the one they both know she doesn’t like?

WelshRabBite · 25/12/2025 14:02

Of course she can’t open it and try it 🙄 if she does, and doesn’t like it, that’ll mean she can’t return it.

Just say to your H, “thanks for the perfume, but you got me the wrong one, I’ll send you a link to the one I wanted and you can exchange it next week.”

If it’s a genuine mistake he won’t mind, if he did it out of thoughtlessness, it’s now costing him time and energy to resolve and it’ll make him think twice before being so thoughtless in future.

If he’s done it because he’s an arse, he’ll throw a strop about “not being able to do anything right” or similar, and you can tell him that you’ve witness countless things he’s done right when he’s cared about them (got home in time for the football/saved up for something he wanted/sorted an outfit for a stag do or whatever) but in this instance his lack of care did mean that he got it wrong, so does he want to show that he actually does care about you and rectify his mistake or have a toddler tantrum?

Original poster
itsaperfumeone · 25/12/2025 14:03

@LondonPapaI had the one I asked for before (although not from him).

OP posts:
Original poster
itsaperfumeone · 25/12/2025 14:03

The one I have been given is one he previously bought me. I tried it back then, hated it and told him. Now I have a new full bottle of it. The old one is at the back of a bathroom cupboard, I just checked.

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 25/12/2025 14:08

One of the things I love about men is how stupid they can be...for the little things that mean so much to...ahem...women. At certain times, be it Christmas or another 'certain' time, they can be inexplicably stupid.

It's the difference and I love that difference...obviously not enough to be married and stuck with one on a daily infuriating basis...but gaw bless em.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 25/12/2025 14:09

Probs left to last min and sold out in boots in Xmas eve.

My dd worked in boots and the men leaving till Xmas Eve is amazing and then wonder why a perfume is sold out.

Next year ask for a voucher

Regift the perfume on a birthday and use that money to save up for it yourself.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/12/2025 14:10

Bummer! Fragrance is such a personal thing, he needs to get the one you asked for, not just guess (or indeed get one you know you don’t like!) I would just say to him that it’s the wrong one and can he exchange it for the right one please. Not difficult (if a bit annoying).

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 25/12/2025 14:10

I save my boots points to get myself a nice perfume every few years Obvs have to shop in boots to do so but Black Friday is a good time to buy.

HeadyLamarr · 25/12/2025 14:13

Just tell him to take it back and buy you the one you asked for.

Winterburn · 25/12/2025 14:17

Wtaf? The actual same one? Is there any way at all to get the two confused? I can’t see how this wasn’t intentional to be honest.

I’m desperate to know what the horrible perfume is OP, do tell 😂

morbidd · 25/12/2025 14:22

Wtf!? Surely this is a joke from him?

MrsJeanLuc · 25/12/2025 14:25

@itsaperfumeone
Thankfully I opened it when he was out of the room. He got me two other things I didn’t ask for. I’d asked for the perfume I wanted and a T-shirt from something I like. Just bear in mind I got him things he asked for and a few extra bits too. Don’t really care that I didn’t get the T-shirt but I’m upset about the perfume. AIBU?

See, here is your problem. Why would you hide from him your annoyance and disappointment that he wasted money an expensive item he already knows you don't like and failed to buy the thing you asked for?

As others have said, give it back to him and ask him to exchange it.

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