DH and perfume gift

[itsaperfumeone]

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ungrateful.

DH asked me what I’d like for Christmas. I asked him. I got him what he asked for.

I said I’d really like a specific perfume. It was £90. It’s a lot but A) it was within the price range we agreed on and B) he said he’d get me it.

A few years ago, he got me a perfume for Christmas. I tried it on a few days later and absolutely hated it- he didn’t know beforehand as I’d never had it before, I’d never heard of it, it was just unfortunately not for me. It made me feel quite sick. It’s more Britney Spears perfume price than the one I wanted (although not spears’ perfume). I asked him a while ago could I throw it away as I just wouldn’t wear it and he said that was fine. I apologised profusely but it just was, for me, horrible.

So anyway he told me he was getting me the one I asked for. We have quite a lot in savings, plus agreed a price range for each other. I got him what he asked for. I got another bottle of the perfume that I hate. I was so disappointed. Thankfully I opened it when he was out of the room. He got me two other things I didn’t ask for. I’d asked for the perfume I wanted and a T-shirt from something I like. Just bear in mind I got him things he asked for and a few extra bits too. Don’t really care that I didn’t get the T-shirt but I’m upset about the perfume. AIBU?

If you haven't opened the seal they should refund or exchange.

YANBU to be disappointed - you asked for something specific that you knew you'd love and got something that you'd specifically known you dislike and said you do NOT like instead. And this is in the context of each of you telling the other exactly which item to buy. I'd assume he must have made a mistake (maybe checked his notes or emails or however the two of you communicate Christmas gift ideas and accidentally pulled up something from the wrong year) and politely but clearly tell him that this is not the correct perfume and ask him to see if it's exchangeable.

“Too much talk of perfume”?

He asked her what she’d like for Christmas. She told him. She didn’t give him a two-hour lecture FFS.

Getting given a smaller bottle of something you like is not a remotely similar situation to someone asking you what you would like, then going out and deliberately getting you something you have previously told them you hate instead. Don’t be silly.

you are going to tell him it’s the wrong one? It sounds like you’re going for putting in cupboard and feeling disappointed. Then you won’t have your gift!

He needs to send it back. No sugar coating it. You bought me the wrong one. This is the one I hated from a few tears ago and makes me feel ill.

it’s so thoughtless!

He got a bigger bottle than he asked for!

Not unreasonable but why haven't you told him it's the wrong one. Why smile and nod and pretend like its fine when it's not. Use your words and tell him it's the wrong one and ask him why he didn't get you the one you asked for. It could just be simple miscommunciation.

I've been in this situation before with an ex. He asked what things I wanted for Christmas and even asked me to send links to specific items. I did and got nothing from that list. I got things I wouldn't use and weren't even near the same item as I told him. I swear some people do this on purpose.

Firstly don’t quote the OP it’s ANNOYING. Second Wtaf are you talking about

Unless he has dementia or learning difficulties, he did this on purpose. He chose to buy not the one OP asked for, but the one she asked for permission to bin. It's passive-aggressive and very unpleasant behaviour.

I’ve not mentioned the one he bought me for about three years when I said can I throw it away.

He isn’t stupid
He didn’t forget
He just thinks that it’s perfectly fair to get exactly what he wants from you but to give you cheap stuff that you don’t want. This happened to me a few years in a row. On the last year that it happened I openly derided him in front of everyone and said none of what he has bought is what I would wear and that I had spent way more money than he had (by buying what he asked for) and that I wasn’t happy. Men thrive on our silence. Even the good ones benefit (even if they don’t realise) from our conditioning to smile and be grateful. Mine actually said to me earlier ‘you don’t seem very grateful’ he spent more than me this year but I don’t care because I would quite like it if he left. And I responded that I’m not grateful, I reminded him that I said thank you but that I don’t have to be grateful, just thankful and that I had just spend some money in gym equipment mainly for him. He just scurried off to get a drink 😂 you’ll find it liberating to say something like ‘I hope you didn’t pay £90 for this perfume? It is aimed more at a teenage market / budget.’

His 'that'll do' mentality is so bloody insulting. You have him a list, he swerved it because of effort or cost or both and you not saying anything means he got away with it whilst scooping up all the things from the list he gave to you. The above poster said men thrive by our silence. It's true.

Tell him this is not perfume you asked for he needs to return it and reorder the one you want.

I dont understand this 🤔

Why not??? Talk to him FGS!

40 years together and 25 years married.
Not ONCE have I had to buy my own Christmas or birthday present.
I mention i fancy something or need something, it turns up s a gift. I don't mention anything? Something thoughtful and loving turns up.

The solution is, be with someone who cares enough. If he wants to, he will.

Id have to say it to him. DH this is the wrong perfume, will.you bring it back or will i?
I wouldn't even entertain the notion that he wouldn't fix this.