DH and perfume gift

[itsaperfumeone]

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ungrateful.

DH asked me what I’d like for Christmas. I asked him. I got him what he asked for.

I said I’d really like a specific perfume. It was £90. It’s a lot but A) it was within the price range we agreed on and B) he said he’d get me it.

A few years ago, he got me a perfume for Christmas. I tried it on a few days later and absolutely hated it- he didn’t know beforehand as I’d never had it before, I’d never heard of it, it was just unfortunately not for me. It made me feel quite sick. It’s more Britney Spears perfume price than the one I wanted (although not spears’ perfume). I asked him a while ago could I throw it away as I just wouldn’t wear it and he said that was fine. I apologised profusely but it just was, for me, horrible.

So anyway he told me he was getting me the one I asked for. We have quite a lot in savings, plus agreed a price range for each other. I got him what he asked for. I got another bottle of the perfume that I hate. I was so disappointed. Thankfully I opened it when he was out of the room. He got me two other things I didn’t ask for. I’d asked for the perfume I wanted and a T-shirt from something I like. Just bear in mind I got him things he asked for and a few extra bits too. Don’t really care that I didn’t get the T-shirt but I’m upset about the perfume. AIBU?

Someone hit the mail on the head above- it depends whether he got mixed up or just said it doesn’t matter (or worse haha I’ll get her the one she didn’t like before!!). Only you know.

How could you possibly be unreasonable to feel the way you do? That’s an absurd question.

Be honest, get it sorted out. No need for drama - on either side.

Has he not asked where the present is? I would have just taken it straight through and asked what happened.

Laugh and say ' oh you got mixed up, that's the one you got before that I didn't like and told you I'd have to throw out, so when we are in town next you can exchange it for XYZ, that's the one we know I like, that I asked for'

It’s a ten second conversation, surely? Wrong one, please return and get me x. Done.

Are you going to ask him why he's done this? I couldn't just not say anything.

OP, full sympathy.
Your husband is a useless thoughtless twat.
I cannot be excusing and tolerating such utterly ridiculous moronic behaviour.

He has chosen to ignore a clear instruction as to what would be a lovely gift.

No way would i be anything other that pissed off at his disregard.

Give him back his stupid gifts to dispose of.

No more gifting with him.
He's too stupid to follow a simple instruction.
Buy your own gifts.

MN excuses this behaviour and it is why women are happier single and divorced.

I would fillet my husband if he did this. Fillet him.
Thankfully he isn't a complete moron and can follow a simple instruction like, please buy me this = happy appreciative wife.

Yanbu. Stop excusing this.
Give it back to him to sort out.
Do not pretend to be appreciative for such bullshit.

I think you are going to have to be honest so you know whether he’s had an accidental cock up or is just thoughtless and uncaring. That said, it’s particularly odd that he’s not only got the wrong one but specifically got one you hated. I wonder if he’s forgotten the one you said and saw this one in the bathroom cabinet and assumed it was that? Bit daft but more forgivable.

Bullshit. I asked for one of two perfumes from DH. He bought both, a necklace I admired months ago and some new trainers which I love. This is just a line women use to excuse shitty partners.

if you give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume he made a ridiculous mistake, then you need to tell him.

hmmm....could it be he liked it on a previous girlfriend?

YANBU. Useless! I’d be really upset with this sort of carry on. He’s an adult! Write the perfume down and/or make a note on your phone. Then buy the perfume, ready for Christmas Day. That’s it. My fucking cat could do bette! Sending you a hug, OP.

Are you able to name the two perfumes,op? See if there is any similarity / logic to his thinking?

But to buy you one that he KNOWS you don’t like and said you’d have to throw away is awful. I would have to ask him why he did that.

Ditto not getting the other one because of the price, when the budget had been agreed. So he’s worth it, you can spend that money on his gifts, but you’re not worth £90? He’d rather spend £30 or £40 on a perfume that’ll go in the bin than £90 on one you want?

Ask him what his thought process is here. Don’t make it your problem, this is down to him to return the perfume and get the right one.

Maybe having his decision inconvenience HIM might make him think twice before doing it again.

Have you considered trying to read and comprehend the OP’s post correctly before commenting? You seem intent on making an arse of yourself.

Men are NOT useless with presents unless they've been enabled to be. My 17 year old son has bought everyone in the family thoughtful and tailored gifts because he knows it's expected and he will receive thoughtful gifts from others. So many women on mumsnet complain about not getting any decent gifts and it transpires they've never taught their kids to give presents, especially their sons. Men are as shit at giving gifts as they are enabled to be.

That’s ok, people are all different else these perfumes wouldn’t exist! My DP had to move from a table at a cafe the other day because of an old woman’s vile perfume (it truly was revolting) but they’re obviously managing to sell it 😂

I always hated Joop, but that sold like wildfire in the noughties haha!

Is anyone doing a MN swap thread you can avail yourself of?

i wonder if this is what happened:

you asked if you could throw the old one out.
he said yes
you didn’t throw it out.

months later…
he thought about a gift and forgot what you said. didnt want to ask again and look silly.
so he decided to check your cabinet and saw a half used bottle and presumed you’d like a new full one as you must use it as it’s in the cabinet. he “knew” it wasn’t the one you hate as you said you’d thrown it out.
he bought another one of it.

mid suggest hes a fuckwit or he doesn't care.
up to you to decide which.

Do you have a joint account? If so, just get the one you want. If you don’t, I’d ask him for the money to buy it. It’s not fair that he buys crap everytime.

And women, the only moral here is that, if your husband doesn’t buy you a present, or gets you a crappy last-minute gift when you’ve spent much of the year contorting yourself around his desires, he is telling you loud and clear that he’s not prepared to expend any resources - any time, any energy, any mental capacity, any money - on getting to know you, on seeing you as you really are, on enhancing your happiness or on recognising your value. This Christmas, don’t let anyone convince you that this isn’t a big deal.

From https://open.substack.com/pub/rachelhewitt/p/why-are-some-men-so-bad-at-gift-giving

The hypocrisy of Mumsnet is awful. Another thread has a woman complaining her husband is upset he got a different size aftershave than he asked for, the majority of posters are calling him a twat!

Yes, because his mum bought him a bigger size of the correct aftershave and he's taking it out on his wife. Selective much.

He's wanging on about airport limits and a) he rarely travels and b) most airports have ended the 100ml limit.

Bin it. Go and buy the one you want. Next year get him something he doesn't want.

Honestly, I would be telling him that it’s going in the bin. And if he doesn’t want to fix it, in he goes too.

Seriously, it’s not like you asked him to build you a rocket is it?

Not my husband buying me stinking black orchid third year in a row🤢🤢 I don’t think I have used up 5ml from the first bottle, let alone need a whole new 100ml bottle every year. Pissed off because one,I didn’t ask for a perfume, two it’s from harrods and they do not refund or exchange beauty products at all (tried the first year this occurred) and three, there is a million other perfumes I’d rather get- only if he’d asked.