to be disappointed by some gifts?

[HazelMember]

I am not talking about cost or expecting anything extravagant, more the thought behind them.

Mine: an engraved metal bookmark with someone else’s name on it plus a bunch of dried flowers complete with the Poundland label still attached.

Honesty I would rather receive nothing.

I think I'd quite like the bookmark. It'll turn into something quite precious one day that'll make you smile.

Not really sure what to say to the dried flowers like.

Just curious, as have been on the receiving end of some dodgy xmas gifts before, so what do people do the following year for presents when someone does this?

Do you either give them something with less thought or cheaper than you normally would, not give them a gift the following year, or carry on giving them a nice gift as usual that you've put thought into?

I'd have shown my disappointment and returned it to him immediately after gifting.
And I wpuld have said "I am not a human bin for your unwanted objects".

The friend I would feign confusion and return it to her because it couldnt possibly be the gift she intended to give you after how she described it.

They are both fuckers and shouldnt have bothered.

Oh dear! I hope your day gets better. I haven’t received any presents 😅 not sure which is worse!

No one should be grateful for people passing off shite as a carefully thought out gift!
I don’t even pretend to like such thoughtless shite and bin it with the wrapping paper !

It's not like it's a random name though is it? It's his name - I get that it's slightly odd but he clearly thought it would be a kind of memento. Perhaps a little misguided but not thoughtless.

Some people love dried flowers, ok you don't but not all gifts are your perfect heart's desire. Sometimes people just get you something they think is nice and you just smile and appreciate the thought.

I assume you're quite young as your grandfather is still alive. One of mine is passed and the other has dementia and doesn't recognise me. They're both very beloved to me. I promise that one day that bookmark will be something you see and smile at in memory of a person you loved.

I used to have a friend who’d buy you the cheapest tat possible while bugging it up and telling you she’d bought you something amazing. We finally realised she was doing it so that we’d get her something really nice in return while she would only have to spend a couple of quid on rubbish! I wonder if that’s what your friend was doing with the dried flowers.

Yeah ungrateful, because women should be meek little mice grateful for every drop of attention and every shit gift they get and bow and scrape before others. Fuck off!

Ah well yeah the bookmark kind of sucks but maybe he couldn’t afford much? Maybe his eyesight isn’t great?!

The dried flowers do actually sound like a thoughtful gift just not to your taste, you sound a little ungrateful. I wouldn’t have liked them either but I’d have appreciated the thought, she probably genuinely thought you would like them.

Are we not allowed to say negative things about our grandfathers?

He does like me, stays in touch with me more than any of the other grandchildren.

But I don't think you like him.

He retired in his 50s from a very well paid career. His eyesight is fine.

She said the dried flowers gift was something luxurious that was hard to get hold of. She got it from Poundland.

I am happy to be called ungrateful. It is in the charity bag unless you want them?

He has been nice to me but I know things about him that make it hard for me to like him yes.

Maybe he meant it as a reminder of him?

ETA

Have just seen the further explanation. That'll be a "No," then.

I think you are onto something here. I got her a lovely scarf that she has been wanting for ages which cost a whole lot more than than the dried flowers from Poundland.

Well I think that's important context. If he was someone you loved and liked you wouldn't assume it was a bad faith gift showing thoughtlessness. But because he isn't someone you like, that is the interpretation you have of it. If he's not a good person it changes things.

She hasn’t assumed anything. He told her it was a gift to him that he didn’t want.

My mum once gave me a pair of champagne flutes for Christmas. What she hadn't noticed was that they had been engraved 'to- the name of her husbands business-at Christmas' on the bottom! She said how excited she was to give them to me. Also once gave me a pair of knickers. She gave my brothers girlfriend a nightdress and dressing gown from the same range as my knickers.

She weaponised gifts but in her own head. Very strange and quite horrible.

That doesn't mean he thought she wouldn't want it. He might have thought she'd like something that made her think of him. I got one of my dad's retirement gifts because it was a Crystal decanter and he didn't want it as he already had one.

But as OP has indicated that there is something problematic about her grandfather it makes it more likely that it wasn't well intended, which is why I think that's important context.

I’d say to your friend you think you might have got the wrong gift as yours had a label on it from Poundland and you know that she sourced you a lovely surprise which is hard to get hold of.

see if she squirms!!

Not as bad as the present that my DF received from his MIL (my GM) a month before I was born. A book on breast feeding!

She was also a Readers Digest subscriber and got various free books and gifts. We got those as presents

Common or garden

Thankyou so much, I've been wondering.....

There's always one 🙄

Did she know that you were giving her the scarf? If so then I think it makes her gift even worse, and I'd be tempted to tell her as well.