To struggle to understand practicing non-believers

[Relient]

Hi, first of all this isn’t intended on a personal attack on how any believes of lives there life. I also want to make clear I’m not talking about people who participate in the cultural aspects of a religious holiday but not the religious, it’s about a very specific belief system which I’m struggling to understand.

This year my son began dating someone new, she is early 20s Portuguese and Italian. We aren’t spending Christmas with them but we met up with them today.

In meeting up with them I learnt a lot about her beliefs, again I’m not judging them or saying my inability to understand makes her belief system wrong. I’m merely now thinking about it in a more abstract sense inspired by what I learned.

His girlfriend is what she called an agnostic Catholic or practicing non-believer. She said that she doesn’t believe with full faith there is a god but doesn’t believe it’s impossible for a god to exist, she said that she bases her non-belief on what is currently proven as fact and her lack of commitment to there definitely not being a god on the fact that humanity is ever continuing to learn and discover new things, so she can rationalise that there may be a time where a god could be proven, even if as of yet that isn’t possible.

She then explained that she goes to church during Holy Week, several times around Christmas and any time where she is feeling like she needs some comfort in life, however she doesn’t consciously keep to any rules, confess etc.

I asked why she still goes to church here in London, when she doesn’t really believe and she said she felt the sense of community, tradition, reflection and humility it gives her.

As an atheist I’ve never really been able to understand this view. I fully understand why people believe and are devout, believe and adapt the practices to suit their life, believe but don’t practice and of course I understand people who don’t believe and don’t practice or those who don’t believe but accept the cultural elements of the religious festivals and celebrate them. I just really can’t wrap my head around someone who doesn’t believe, is incredibly articulate and philosophical about why they don’t believe but then chooses to practice anyway, especially in the absence of family being a driving force.

Can anyone here enlighten me? AIBU to struggle to understand this? Is it obvious and I’m somehow subconsciously missing it?

I’ve had the feeling since about 2015 that the flow away from the Christian Church had reached it’s height. And now we are at the start of the pendulum swinging back the other way.

Personally I’ve gone from staunch atheist to …. whatever you call twice daily prayers of gratitude and going to mass when I can get into town. Originally I thought it was just me and the result of Catholicism by Osmosis due to living in rural Italy for so long. But I kept on seeing signs (or my algorithm is fooling me into seeing signs) of something of a Christianity revival on the horizon.

I wonder how she explains her reason for taking Communion, intellectually. (Not in self-defence; it’s a genuine enquiry about her position in this regard)
I do this and, to be honest, I can't explain it. I could easily go up for a blessing but I don't. I cant justify it. I go up umming and aahing about what to do and take communion. I cant explajn it or intellectualise it. I thought it was to show other people subconsiously but I do it in the C of E too when no one cares and the people I know know I'm not C of E. ( tbh no one knows me or cares in the Catholic church either as its a Cathedral, so massive)

Nothing unusual or difficult to understand here. She has a paradoxical relationship with her religious faith. Most intelligent people do!

Do you generally find paradox difficult to come to terms with? My best friend can never accept that the longest route between two points on the map may be the fastest in journey time.😂

Has the discussion on this thread helped you understand her better OP?

I feel the same as her. I enjoy the convening. I enjoy a good hymn and a well delivered, thought provoking sermon.

I dont think you need to understand. I think you just need to accept. She sounds like a mature and articulate young woman, and its difficult to explain further than she has.

It does seem as though when she stopped believing, she simply continued some practices that she doesn't mind and dropped the others. I'm not sure it's any deeper than that but it can seem a bit complex when trying to explain or intellectualise it. Otherwise, it’s not really a big deal.

I'm the same way except not catholic. There are some things about the church (such as the contemporary gospel songs) I still participate in from time to time without believing in everything.