To be worried I’ve let DS down here and to ask what number of gifts for a four year old?!?

[BreuLp]

I work full time and have dc 4 full time. Ex is involved (will see him Boxing Day) but it’s all rather hands off. I say this only to put into context that I’ve been really busy the last few weeks and basically… I think I’ve fucked up.

Just finished wrapping his presents and put them into his Christmas bag and filled his smaller stocking. In total there’s about 10 presents in the bag and another 6 in the stocking. Cost around 80 all in.

I hadn’t given it loads of thought. I’ve got some things I think he will like and had asked for but I’ve just been scrolling on Instagram and oh my god… there are photos of MOUNTAINS of presents. One video was showing this huge pile of gifts which I assumed was for both of the poster’s kids. Turned out it was one side of the room and the other side had the same for the second child!

I have no financial worries at all and realistically dc could have had anything. I’ve just been a bit lazy and I don’t like to buy things for the sake of it. I’m not mean day to day, I often buy him things, but I am now worried he is going to compare with nursery pals and get a sense he’s not as important to Santa or something?!

You have bought loads of presents! At that age they have no level of comparison. The people on insta are going too far and just doing it for attention. Also, you don't even know that its real! If you are going to but 100s of presents at 4, where do you even go from there?!

Kids get bored opening gifts after a while! Honestly, what you have got him will be perfect. Those insta pictures are just ridiculous. Just think, you then have to find a place for all those 100s of things to live!

Trust me - a 4yo will not be comparing what he got for Christmas with his friends come new year - he won’t remember a thing about it. Kids honestly don’t think like that and he’s certainly not scrolling insta and seeing what (tacky) influencers buy their dcs for Christmas (I hope?)

£80 on a 4yo is fine!

I haven’t even read the answers - your ds is going to have a lovely day.
the presents are things you know he’s going to like and play with.
in context the mountains of gifts under other peoples trees could be crappy pound shop stuff or just parents with lots of money and no time.
Either way you simply must not compare what’s under your tree to what’s under others- your tree is what counts and your ds is very lucky.

@BreuLp i honestly don’t think that type of comparison happens at that age, my kids were pretty unaware of people living so differently until they got older. It sounds like you have bought plenty, and honestly, I don’t think children benefit from being given anything and everything.

My kids have stockings and a few smaller things each from us, and the rest of their gifts come from family this year as money has been tight. I know that between grandparents and family, that there will be plenty. Try not to compete with people who are focused on consumption and performative parenting on social media. Just because they can/have done it, doesn’t mean it’s positive for anyone. Have a lovely Christmas tomorrow.

Small children can't cope with lots of presents. Overwhelming small children isn't magical.

This with Christmas bells on.

Posting piles of shite, sorry, presents is gross.

I wouldn’t do that if I was a millionaire. It’s piles of cheap tat as well probably.

You sound like a lovely hardworking mum, welldone you!!! Also children need to be educated in this modern world that we don't create loads of waste and buy tons of crap we don’t need.

It’s the norm among people who post their intimate family moments on social media. It’s not the norm among normal people.
At four they are easily overwhelmed, it’s kinder and more in tune with their needs to get them fewer presents.

Also a mother of 4 year old, he has 5 presents in his stocking from FC and 2 presents under the tree from me. Plus another 3 joint presents with his sister from me. I think it’s loads!!
He won’t even unwrap them all on Christmas I think as normally he unwraps one and gets so excited he has to play with it now and the rest get forgotten about for an hour or two.

Put down the Instagram, it is never reflective of real life, especially now image manipulation is so easy with AI

Exactly the same here.

By the time he goes to nursery he’ll have forgotten 80% of the gifts. Most nursery kids can’t count beyond about 5 anyway. They’re not going to be comparing present quantities. My 2 have a reasonable pile but a lot of it is practical and useful things like shampoo and underwear.

I’ve just dragged DD’s out from various hiding places and put them under the tree - stocking will be filled later but I’ve had a proper look at whats in the bag I’ve been keeping stocking stuff in.

I’ve been buying stuff as and when, wrapping as I go, and honestly I feel a bit sick about how much stuff there is now I see it together. Her main gift is huge but was second hand and essentially free to us, so I think I’ve kind of made up the difference with smaller stuff.

It’s not mountains, but it’s probably too much.

Which is to say if you’re the overthinking sort like me - and maybe you if you’re worrying about this - then you’re probably always going to worry you’ve done something wrong! In reality both our DC are safe and warm and loved and will wake up to nice presents tomorrow and the rest really doesn’t matter that much.

I think poorer families tend to get lots at Christmas whereas those who can afford it buy things continually throughout the year.

4yo's aren't going to discuss in depth. He might be asked what he got and will say one thing he happens to remember in that moment, as will any other child. It doesn't matter if there were 9 other toys or 99 other toys, no kid is going to list off every gift they get. He will probably be getting overwhelmed and bord of opening by the time he's done 10 gifts anyway.

My kids are getting about that number of gifts, though some are pricier as they're older. However, when people have asked DS what he's getting, he keeps mentioning a £10 plushy, not any of the more expensive things. Kids like what they like, not what has prestige or is Instagramable

Eighty pounds seems plenty to spend and the actual number of gifts obviously depends on what your bought him.

YABU to worry that it's too little, that's plenty to open and it sounds like you've got thoughtful things that are more likely to be used. One year my friend's 3 of a similar age (at the time) got so many presents they ran out of steam for opening them halfway through and she ended up putting some in a cupboard to open in a few months' time. She said it took the shine off the day a bit as the kids were sick of the sight of presents.

Oh and also, in my many years of teaching Early Years, I’ve never heard children comparing number of presents. They might share something they received - not always the main/ big thing, but they really don’t discuss it in any detail.

Last year DD got multiple dressing up outfits she’d asked for, a school role play set, a Barbie mermaid and a little live pet toy - all of which were on her list and looked forward to with great anticipation. When she went back into her reception class and had to draw a picture/ write about what she’d got for Christmas she said a lipstick - I’d thrown a cheap chapstick type thing in her stocking and that was all she mentioned.

DC5 has 8 gifts in his stocking (half of which are just little things) and 2 from us. DC2 has less. We have no money concerns. There’s no point buying for the sake of it. Little kids are also easily overwhelmed by lots of presents. Less is more.

My kids get:

• a stocking, its not big, its things like sweets, a card game, a bath bomb, a mini watercolour paint tin, a book. This is from FC & it always has candy canes & an orange

• 1-2 "big" mummy & daddy gifts. Eg one year it was a scooter. This year its an ebook kindle & a smaller £30 item each.

Then they get gifts from relatives:

• my mum and dad have got them roller skates
• they will get a gift from other grandparents eg i suspect one is getting a tennis raquet

Aunts/uncles have got them items for around £15-20 each eg a game, a craft kit.

We do not do the Present Mountain

Oh and Happy Christmas by the way ☺️

Your dc has plenty so don't feel bad. The overzealous gift piles are gross and usually from people who claim they have no money year round. Your dc will appreciate the gifts he has been given rather than just opening present after present and getting bored/overwhelmed by it all. Gluttony is an ugly trait.

Our kids have always loads of gifts and we have always spent a lot. We have never posted photos on SM and don’t care what anyone else does. Buy as much or as little as you want or can afford.

Ignore what’s on social media, people post for the attention. Your DS will not be expecting piles of gifts, he will be happy with what you have got.

My dc are now young adults, we had years where the piles were pretty big and years where there’s been a lot less, it’s not really made any difference. Too many gifts just cause them to be overwhelmed, makes your house messy and uncluttered and things end up getting broken, mixed up or lost. My dc don’t really remember what they got when they were small, I think the only gift my dd1 remembers was when I adopted her a penguin for her birthday (I think she was 7 or 8).

My kids have 7 presents plus stocking fillers and that's a lot tbh. I bought more as less friends but for them now. I used to always just do 5.

You won't be alone. Kids at nursery will remember their favourite gift and they won't report with a number!

Tbh I couldn't even think of that many things they would like!!

They definitely get overwhelmed with too many presents. DD has 4 plus chocolate in her stocking, 1 from Santa, 2 from us, 1 from each set of grandparents and 1 from an auntie to open on the day. Another 3 following from other aunts and uncles and she is done.