Had a disagreement with a friend this evening - who is unreasonable?

[Tillow4ever]

I’ll preempt this by saying I am absolutely shattered after a ridiculously busy few weeks and very little sleep the last 2 nights, so I might just be being sensitive!

My middle son turns 18 in 2 weeks time. He and I have an identical sense of humour - a bit dirty, enioy dark jokes, find innuendo funny, etc. he has a few innuendo style t-shirts. I was showing my friend a picture of a t-shirt I have bought him for Xmas that I KNOW he will find hilarious and wear with pride - it has a picture of a cockerel on it with the words “stop staring at my cock”

My friend started telling me off and that it was completely inappropriate for a mum to buy that for her son. I explained it’s in a similar theme to stuff he already owns, and ones he’s asked for. I reminded her he’s about to turn 18. She asked me if I was shagging him (WTAF of course I’m not) and kept going on about his inappropriate it is. I tried explaining again about his humour and how I wouldn’t buy it for either of his brothers (20 & 14) because it’s not their sense of humour and inappropriate for the younger one. She was saying how she wouldn’t get it for her kids - I said that’s fine, no-one says she has to and it’s about tailoring it to the person.

She dropped it, but a minute later started again. She said that I’d mentioned reporting a major safeguarding concern to the school a few days ago (I hadn’t told her details as none of her business but I told her I had to report something truly awful I had been told about) and that I should be safeguarding my family too. I reminded her again he is pretty much an adult. I asked the other people at her party, one of whom is a secondary school teacher, they couldn’t see the issue and said it wasn’t a safeguarding concern in their opinion. I need up getting fed up of her going on about it so said I really don’t need this today after a busy day so I was going to go home, and left.

Now bear in mind too that her eldest son was joining in with some extremely outright sexual comments/rude games on New Year’s Eve 2 years ago (he was only just 19) and possibly the year before but I can’t be certain. Games like Cards Against Humanity, Bad People, etc. No innuendo needed with the stuff coming out for example. I pointed this out to her and she said it was completely different as he was older (13 months older to be exact).

So I sit here at home a little upset by her attitude but also wondering if she was right. I don’t think I’m wrong to get it - I agree it’s not in the best taste, or the wittiest joke in history, but that’s not what the discussion was about!

Mumsnet - I’m on the app so not sure if I can enable voting (I will try).. but AIBU?

YABU - it’s completely wrong for a mum to buy that t-shirt for a 17 year old about to turn 18, even if it is his sense of humour.

YANBU - as long as it’s what he wanted, there’s no issue here and your friend is being weird.

Thank you in advance.

Also, she didn’t say any of this to my husband despite the shirt actually being from us both and him saying he thought our son would find it hilarious.

She is quite mad. That is all

You know your son, and your shared sense of humour, and I can’t see how the shirt is inappropriate in the circumstances.

Technically nothing wrong with you buying it as his mum, but I'd rather my child - even as an adult - didn't walk round with something like that on their t-shirt.

It’s none of her business. She sounds like a right bore .
But YABU for giving her comments so
much headspace too .

She's a twat, with no sense of humour. Prudish behaviour and the safeguarding is laughable.

if this type of humour is what you and DS enjoy, then crack on! Nothing to do with anyone else. Lesson learnt, don’t show her anything like that in the future 🤣

Can't stand people like that. A friend who disagrees is fine, but when they repeatedly shove their point of view down your throat- it's not okay! Your son, your parenting, your humour. Definitely not a safeguarding issue.

It’s a play on words joke, she has no humour, ignore

I voted YABU op because that t-shirt sounds grim and your sons humour belongs in the 70s.

My worry here is if he has approval from his mother how is he treating women in life?

It’s all worn in an ironic way. He has respect for women.

We have never ever had any sort of fall out or disagreement before - I was genuinely shocked at her comments, I thought she was joking to start with.

I said this in my op. I told her that I didn’t need this after a very long day so I was going to go home and get an early night as I was exhausted. She clearly wasn’t letting it go, and I didn’t want there to be a weird atmosphere for everyone else.

Really weird that she asked if you were shagging him. Like give a wide berth weird.

I think she was being a bit judgy and rude. That said I think it is a vulgar joke I wouldn’t buy my own son, but it’s certainly not a safeguarding issue.

This.

I once bought a similar tshirt for my brother. How can any sane person think that?

Thank you for making me feel better all. Yes, the t-shirt isn’t in good taste but in an ironic kind of way we find it amusing. We’d be boring if we all liked the same things! I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t actually wrong to be buying it, regardless of whether others like the actual t-shirt!

I am about to get my last couple of jobs done ready tomorrow, then get an early night for once.

I wouldn't have bought it, but I wouldn't feel the need to comment either

No he stayed at the party. I have no issue with that as it’s only 3 houses away and it was a wider group of friends there too.

He doesn’t respect me, and can be a bit sexist at times in his attitude - our relationship is long over and I hope to divorce him next year. Long and complicated so not relevant to the question about the discussion with my friend.

Right? I thought I’d misheard to start with. I can’t even comprehend how sick you’d have to be to do that so found it really offensive she was genuinely asking me.