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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were told your life ended tomorrow

137 replies

Turkeysahoy · 23/12/2025 21:34

Would you feel you have lived a fulfilled life?

Inspired by a post I have just read which made me think.

I am 34 and would answer No at this moment in time. As I’ve stayed in a career I dislike for too long and haven’t been as carefree as I would have liked. Things I hope to change of course.

How about you?

OP posts:
thicklysettled · 24/12/2025 02:26

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 23/12/2025 21:55

I have been loved greatly and loved greatly in return by grandparents, parents, a husband (my only serious partner), 3 children and some good friends.

I have had a fulfilling and interesting career that has provided a degree of financial security and the ability to do some fun stuff.

I had enjoyed my life immensely and done some good along the way (a rewarding, socially useful job and a long term commitment to volunteering).

Until 7 weeks ago I lived a fulfilling and maybe even enviable life. Then my DD1 died, aged 24, entirely unexpectedly. I am demented with grief and death tomorrow would be welcome. Every day I spend on this earth henceforth is a day that will further diminish my fulfillment. I would like to think I might be reunited with DD after death. But oblivion would be preferable to this torment. The only thing that keeps me from taking my life is the presence of my other children for whom such an act would be devastating.

I don't have the words. I'm so sorry.

zebrazoop · 24/12/2025 02:29

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 23/12/2025 21:55

I have been loved greatly and loved greatly in return by grandparents, parents, a husband (my only serious partner), 3 children and some good friends.

I have had a fulfilling and interesting career that has provided a degree of financial security and the ability to do some fun stuff.

I had enjoyed my life immensely and done some good along the way (a rewarding, socially useful job and a long term commitment to volunteering).

Until 7 weeks ago I lived a fulfilling and maybe even enviable life. Then my DD1 died, aged 24, entirely unexpectedly. I am demented with grief and death tomorrow would be welcome. Every day I spend on this earth henceforth is a day that will further diminish my fulfillment. I would like to think I might be reunited with DD after death. But oblivion would be preferable to this torment. The only thing that keeps me from taking my life is the presence of my other children for whom such an act would be devastating.

I’m so sorry

Makingadecision · 24/12/2025 03:23

@LadyMacbethWasFierce I am so sorry.

Makingadecision · 24/12/2025 03:25

I’m in my 50s and I would regret being too cautious. I’ve stayed in jobs I hate for too long. Now I’m starting to think I don’t have unlimited time ahead and I should focus on happiness not planning, and make the most of life. It’s not in my nature though

Georgiepud · 24/12/2025 03:37

LadyMacbethWasFierce I'm so sorry. Nothing but admiration for your stance.

lucywho123 · 24/12/2025 03:45

@LadyMacbethWasFierce I am so sorry. Your post really made me sad. I get it of course. I hope you find some peace x

I’m definitely not fulfilled, my DD is only 4, if I didn’t see at least some of her adult life, I’d be devastated. I’d want to wait until I’m more financially secure also so the burden would be less for my DP who’d be left to bring her up

fraggiequeen · 24/12/2025 03:51

I would feel relieved.

billiongulls · 24/12/2025 04:36

Didntask · 23/12/2025 21:35

I'd just feel relief tbh.

I'm really sorry you feel this way

elliejjtiny · 24/12/2025 05:17

I wouldn't mind for me as I am confident I would be going to a better place but I think me going now would be extremely traumatic for DH and the DC so for their sake I wouldn't want to go now. There are more things I would like to do but I don't like the sound of getting old and needing personal care/being incontinent etc.

Planning on getting fitter this year and losing weight. I lost 3.5 stone a few years ago and kept it off but I've stayed the same for about 2 years now.

Inextremis · 24/12/2025 05:32

Ack no, it'd be fine, so long as I have a chance to write instructions for DH to cook the Xmas dinner, which he'd have to have, regardless. Sorry to those with recent losses, my Mum died 15th November 1996, just after buying a 21lb turkey (the two incidents were not related). I'm 66, have had a lot of fun, wonderful memories, and the most exciting thing about my future is seeing the crocus bloom in the spring. So yeah, if I pop off tomorrow, all I can say is 'woohoo, what a glorious ride!'

Iocanepowder · 24/12/2025 05:52

I would be sad for my little kids, but also relieved as I don’t enjoy life as a mum and it would mean I could get some sleep.

SleepQuest33 · 24/12/2025 05:57

I am early 50s, I wouldn’t be ready to leave the planet just yet! I am a firm believer in an afterlife, so I know I’ll be going to a better place, but don’t want to leave prematurely.

No regrets about my past decisions, not all perfect but I’m content. I still have things I want to learn and improve about myself. I also cannot leave my boys just yet, one has special needs and the other is just starting adult life. DH and u love each other but I think he’s be fine.

NewAgeNewMe · 24/12/2025 05:58

Would be a blessed relief if I’m honest. For me but I know those left behind would be devastated.

@LadyMacbethWasFierce my heart goes out to you.

Iocanepowder · 24/12/2025 06:04

Really sad to see how many of us would be relieved.

Mikart · 24/12/2025 06:30

I'd be pissed off as I have a sizeable pension to spend! Certainly wouldn't be relieved. I have lots of plans at 66.

Mikart · 24/12/2025 06:35

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 24/12/2025 00:48

Thank you for the kindness on this thread. I had hesitated to post for fear of de-railing. But I’m not doing much else at the moment in the evenings but scrolling on my phone (I don’t have the concentration for “proper” reading and can’t watch TV as so much of it is triggering in some way).

And on reflection I think there might be a tiny slice of something important in my answer to the OP’s post - and that’s just to enjoy every day as much as you can. We don’t have as much capital behind us as we might have done (late 50s, decent careers) and we don’t have a whole lot of stuff either or fancy cars, but we had a lovely time and did some fun and cool things and I’m glad DD got to experience all that. She was an extraordinary young woman (an artist and a primary school teacher and full of joy). She had a fulfilled life. Even though it was far far too short.

Blessings to you all. And thank you for your kindness.

Ah this resonates so much...I lost ds 25 a year ago. Nobody understands the pain you feel. I'm determined not to be defined by it but it is so hard. Much love to you.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 24/12/2025 07:06

@MissFritton65so sorry to hear about your dh. That's really tough. @LadyMacbethWasFierce I can't even imagine - I do know gridf though and just keep going..An hour at a time.

NewAgeNewMe · 24/12/2025 07:11

I’m so sorry @Mikart

Spenning · 24/12/2025 07:16

Ebok1990 · 23/12/2025 21:42

I'd be devastated at leaving my animals behind. I'd hope I was wrong about an afterlife and that I'd get to see my mum, dad and best mate again. I'd be terrified at the process of dying and of not existing but I can't make this life work no matter how hard I try, so I'm better off gone anyway.

As a complete NON believer in the afterlife at the age of 18 - I’ve now had so many different signs from so many different loved ones who have passed that I now 100 % believe in the afterlife! If this helps

SleafordSods · 24/12/2025 07:22

Normally I would feel aggrieved but I’ve had the ‘Flu for a week and I’d probably just accept it if I had to slip away quietly later on tonight.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/12/2025 07:25

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 23/12/2025 21:55

I have been loved greatly and loved greatly in return by grandparents, parents, a husband (my only serious partner), 3 children and some good friends.

I have had a fulfilling and interesting career that has provided a degree of financial security and the ability to do some fun stuff.

I had enjoyed my life immensely and done some good along the way (a rewarding, socially useful job and a long term commitment to volunteering).

Until 7 weeks ago I lived a fulfilling and maybe even enviable life. Then my DD1 died, aged 24, entirely unexpectedly. I am demented with grief and death tomorrow would be welcome. Every day I spend on this earth henceforth is a day that will further diminish my fulfillment. I would like to think I might be reunited with DD after death. But oblivion would be preferable to this torment. The only thing that keeps me from taking my life is the presence of my other children for whom such an act would be devastating.

I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. 💔

Dancingsquirrels · 24/12/2025 07:29

NotAnotherScarf · 23/12/2025 22:13

Working in the funeral industry it's an insight into how people are viewed by those nearest to them. Sometimes, like today you see a loving family grieving, long term friends saying goodbye and real sense of loss. Often, sadly quite often, there's not a wet eye in the house and there's a sense of well that's,that their gone, let's move on.

Personally I'm only 57, but don't expect to live to a ripe age given my family history. But I started with very little, went to a dreadful school, had a career and walked away on my terms to a self employed job I loved. Now basically retired and I want to travel more.

Two regrets in life one of which I could fix. But as a friend messaged me as he was terminally ill of cancelled at 56. "I've had a crack". And I have. I've married my soul mate, met some great people, had some (a lot) of great nights (and days out), drunk a lot and laughed a lot...yeah I could go tomorrow, I don't want to mind.

My father is dying. He is v much loved, but wants a v small funeral as he feels this would be easier for the family. And our family are all stoic and practical by nature, therefore unlikely to be overly emotional at the service. We all grieve differently

NotAnotherScarf · 24/12/2025 07:36

Dancingsquirrels · 24/12/2025 07:29

My father is dying. He is v much loved, but wants a v small funeral as he feels this would be easier for the family. And our family are all stoic and practical by nature, therefore unlikely to be overly emotional at the service. We all grieve differently

Show quote history

Indeed, and there have been some lovely small funerals. It's more the generic nature, the lack of interest and the desire to get gone as soon as it's over.

What I mean to say you can tell the ones where people are grieving even if there's no outward sign. Where care and love has been put into everything from choice of design of the order of service (yesterdays was lovely and you got a real sense of the lady that had died from the numerous photos in it) to the music, flowers picked (or even not), that some of the family who aren't that well still come. But you get the sense that some would have preferred a direct cremation and are doing the funeral as an image thing.

Bikergran · 24/12/2025 08:24

No. I am sad that only one of my children seems financially secure (and that's because she works her arse off at 2 jobs), and that none of them have happy fulfilling relationships. I am sad that, due to family illness, I never got to do all the travelling I wanted to do. Now, I am at an age where friends and family are dying, and I don't know how much tine I have left, and how long my health will allow me to have any adventures, even if I were in a position to do it. So yes, I would have lots of regrets.

Cleikumstovies · 24/12/2025 08:25

"Egrets, I've had a few, but then a gain too few to mention". :)