To document all the ways my MIL does my head in this Christmas?

[LivingInaBuiltSite]

If you get along with your MIL then this is not the thread for you, so no haters please. I will find it helpful for my sanity to vent. And possibly my marriage.

She is here for 6 days.
I work shifts for the NHS so working most of the holidays, often on nights.

1. Got home from a night shift this morning to the sodding dog barking wanting its breakfast (DH blissfully asleep obvs). MIL enters kitchen while I’m trying to have a decaf tea in peace. I let dog out, give it breakfast, let out into garden,
   MIL informs me that I must love the exuberance of a Labrador - having never worked a night shift in her life. I disagree and say it’s embarrassing because she barks so much. MIL then informs me that the dog doesn’t bark because…she doesn’t hear it. Because she doesn’t have her hearing aids in 🤯

2. MIL starts a conversation with DH who then tunes out so it’s left to me to provide a response/attention/engagement. This happens on repeat. ‘D’H will become less D as the days go on.

3. DC - who act all excited for MIL/Gma to arrive - disappear to bedrooms. DH disappears to his office to “do something”. I get left with MIL and have to be the cabaret act - and repeat. Remember, I didn’t actually invite her. (I am now (sadly) parent-free and do not feel like I should have to take on the obligation for someone else’s parent.)

this is only the start…..

Go and grab your DH and ask him to entertain and interact with his own mother !!

I have had this conversation with him many times. I will be having it agin when I get a chance away from her tomorrow morning probably.

She hasn’t done anything wrong

It’s been 30 years. I’m allowed to vent, anonymously on a forum for mums who have gripes and concerns over Christmas.
its intense having someone you don’t get on with in your own home, while also working ft and being sleep deprived. You can scroll past. Ever heard of: Nothing nice to say - say nothing?

You have a DH problem not a MIL problem.

If this is your threshold for someone doing your head I think you need a break.
I don't understand the first point at all. She was making general chit-chat about your dog. Or is it her dog that she's brought with her? Granted that would be annoying if it's her dog, she's claiming it doesn't bark and it's disturbing your neighbours. But if it's your dog it's nothing to do with your mil. What would you rather her say? "Fucking hell, your dog is a noisy bastard isn't he?"

The other points are your husband's issue, not hers. I actually feel quite sad for your mil in this situation. Seems she's not wanted.

It all sounds a bit sad. She’s come to stay and everyone is ignoring her. Trying to have a chat with you about the dog (and reassure you that the barking doesn’t bother her) might have not been what you wanted after a night shift but what else is she supposed to do when nobody else is around or bothering to talk to her, just hide away in the guest room?

Your DH not engaging with his mum and your DC hiding in their bedrooms is plain rude of them. I’d take them all to task on that, and not taking care of the dog and dumping that on you as well.

It sounds like you are just too slow OP, your DH and DC are outrunning you 😅 get into DH's office before he does!

I do understand where you are coming from. It drives me insane when DH invites MIL over sometimes, especially when I’m tired or busy, as he just sits on his phone or starts washing up?!.. and then I’m left to do all the conversing, bru making ect. I think because she’s not actually my mother I feel like I have to make the extra effort to make her feel welcome. I do actually get on with her but sometimes I don’t have the energy for it.

Many DH invite their mum's then leave the women to chat in this hazy fantasy that they love each others company.

No.
It's your mum go and talk to her.

Perhaps you need to get over yourself. It's a public forum and you are posting negative comments about another woman who isn't doing anything wrong. To quote your own hypocritical comment back to you, 'Ever heard of :Nothing nice to say - say nothing?[sic]'

Just leave as well, go upstairs and say you’re resting before your shift. Why are you left entertaining her?

@PrincessofWells mumsent would collapse if we weren't able to vent about our mils ln here.
Mumsent saved my sanity

If you can't be helpful why post.

Why don't you apply your own principles?If you have nothing nice to say about MIL, .....

Wow.
Poor MIL.
Would you treat any other guest like this or is she special?

''Come and be with your mother or i'm going out''

are the words you need.
And act on it.

My eldest is newly married and her husband sits absorbed by his phone when they visit his parents. DD has resorted to kicking him under the table or scowling at him until he actually listens/talks to his mother 🙄

The airing of the greivances begins....

Don't forget

I gotta lotta problems with you people!

And the pole.

That poor woman. Probably looked forward to being in company over Christmas and no one wants to talk to her. Your DH is a useless pathetic lump as you well know and needs to start behaving like an adult. Maybe then your dc will follow suit.

Why invite your MIL to stay if you don’t like her? BTW your dog is a she/her. Not “it”. You sound a nightmare! Bah Humbug

This is actually my plan. Not just upstairs, but anywhere. I’ve got loads of voluntary work to do before term starts in Jan so have been disappearing to do that this afternoon.

I know this is AIBU but honestly some posters need to look at themselves before posting. This is not harming MIL in anyway, in fact is probably stopping me feeling quite so aggravated in RL. It’s Mumsnet, not some saintly forum for perfect people.

Did you read anything? I did not invite her. She invited herself. As she has done the last 3? Maybe more Christmases.

The OP doesn’t, at all.

Your reply OTOH …

I can't see why looking after your own dog is irritating or has anything to do with your MIL. Just have a chat with your husband regarding entertaining his mum.

You are obviously overwhelmed with Christmas, so need to take yourself away from the situation from a few hours. I feel bad that MIL has everyone wanting to disappear from her company.

Missed your post - I do need a break. That is actually my point. My break from work is being at home. Where I don’t get a break.

and from my POV, no she is not wanted. Am I not allowed to be human and have that opinion?