To document all the ways my MIL does my head in this Christmas?

[LivingInaBuiltSite]

If you get along with your MIL then this is not the thread for you, so no haters please. I will find it helpful for my sanity to vent. And possibly my marriage.

She is here for 6 days.
I work shifts for the NHS so working most of the holidays, often on nights.

1. Got home from a night shift this morning to the sodding dog barking wanting its breakfast (DH blissfully asleep obvs). MIL enters kitchen while I’m trying to have a decaf tea in peace. I let dog out, give it breakfast, let out into garden,
   MIL informs me that I must love the exuberance of a Labrador - having never worked a night shift in her life. I disagree and say it’s embarrassing because she barks so much. MIL then informs me that the dog doesn’t bark because…she doesn’t hear it. Because she doesn’t have her hearing aids in 🤯

2. MIL starts a conversation with DH who then tunes out so it’s left to me to provide a response/attention/engagement. This happens on repeat. ‘D’H will become less D as the days go on.

3. DC - who act all excited for MIL/Gma to arrive - disappear to bedrooms. DH disappears to his office to “do something”. I get left with MIL and have to be the cabaret act - and repeat. Remember, I didn’t actually invite her. (I am now (sadly) parent-free and do not feel like I should have to take on the obligation for someone else’s parent.)

this is only the start…..

Not at all. I said quite clearly it's the husband who's in the wrong. Which is another excellent reason not to vent about another woman.

Researching goats…😜

@5128gap maybe the sons mum should seek him out ? Maybe the woman should go and find her son and realise someone who is just getting in from work maybe to tired to chat.

One day most of you Wimen on here will be a MIL , hard as that might be to imagine

and for those who are intolerant of the woman who made the man (or woman) that you love

i sincerely hope you get what you meet out now in spades

What if LivingInABuiltSite needs some decompression time before she can go to sleep? What if her dh is snoring in the bed room? Both an irritation and a disturbance when he gets up. What about the dog? Personally, I could come home and lock myself away to avoid an annoying person, but I could not leave a dog uncared-for. It’s not the dog’s fault that her dh is being a twat.

She should do what she needs to do and leave the DC, MIL and dog to DH.
I would voice the dog's needs and leave it to DH.

When your DH tunes her out- say

Oh DH DID YOU HEAR what your mum just said said???
then she will repeat and you walk away.

Honey, just leave the room. This is not your deal, it’s your DH’s. Make him step up.

It’s not a conversation. You get them in the same room the. Say “Well I’ve had plenty time with MIL all to myself - I’m going to take a rest/read a book quietly to myself in my room/nap for a little while and allow you two to have some precious time together.”

Yep, DH invited his mum over and then fucks off for a one hour shit.

He once tried to tell me he was going to go for a drink with the boys when he had invited his mum to stay the night. I drew the line at that and made him see sense.

I genuinely love my MIL and very much enjoy spending time with her and talking to her on my own without DH but you best believe I make time to fuck off and leave them to it all the same. That’s his mother. They can and should have time without me. Plus hosting is exhausting, with all the good will in the world.

100% agree with every word.

Just divorce your husband then you won’t have to spew your contempt on the dog called it and the woman who gave birth to him.

This comes across as a bit ungenerous/unkind. It's sad even. Though as a hard working person, with Christmas, and extras in the house, having to arrange everything, I guess you are credit worthy no doubt.

Op doesn’t hate her MIL though, her family are dumping every single responsibility on her it seems.

Yes, her annoyance is misdirected, but she can surely be forgiven at being annoyed at MIL.

And for all the people claiming she’s “Cruella de Vil” - one of the reasons she’s annoyed at MIL is because the dog was left unfed.

Really not getting the backlash towards OP.

And would you be this odious about your own parents if they were still around?
The woman has done nothing wrong. Dont be such a bag .

Got home from a night shift this morning to the sodding dog barking wanting its breakfast (DH blissfully asleep obvs). MIL enters kitchen while I’m trying to have a decaf tea in peace. I let dog out, give it breakfast, let out into garden,
MIL informs me that I must love the exuberance of a Labrador - having never worked a night shift in her life

Firstly poor dog, it’s not the dog’s fault you have to work nightshift. If your “D”H can’t hear a dog barking he needs his ears checked. I can’t see what your MIL did wrong tbh. Why would anyone get a high energy dog that the clearly can’t cope with? As many say on here you have a DH problem if you’re coming in from nightshift and he can’t hear a dog barking!

You obviously don’t like your MIL and from your OP neither do the rest of the family. The woman must pick up on the contempt shown to her. Poor woman having to put up with a family who are rude. You sound very bitter because you don’t have your own parents.

I get it OP- you came in drained and presumably usually have the kitchen to yourself to vaguely decompress before going to bed but instead there’s someone there desperate to chat because she’s been sat alone as long as you’ve been overwhelmed. And the guy that invited her is snoozing upstairs!

Next year I’d give her an early gift of tickets to somewhere an hour or two away with DH to take her there/back. I’d also give them both errands that take them out of the house and as other pps have described, give each DC a daily task/interaction to do with grandma.

Could you claim tomorrow there’s norovirus/smallpox/scabies on your ward and explain when you get in you must go straight upstairs and shower without delay?!

But at least we'll be women who can spell and structure a sentence properly, eh?

I think you're being a bit silly now.

Thing isOP I do get how you feel but I would suggest enforced boundaries rather than going along with stuff - if you don’t want a dog don’t be railroaded into one, ( although clearly it’s a bit late now) if you don’t want MIL staying, just set maybe a 5 or 6 hour max under the proviso you ‘all’ make the effort for her , and yes I agree the idea we are all loving families who willingly love all relatives just isn’t reality - but it sounds like this isn’t a very warm welcoming situation ( and I do get that) but as it is you are being left with it anyway - and that’s not on from other family members -

Your MIL is getting the flack for your rubbish DH

You all sound terrific company