Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 23/12/2025 21:38

Leave her alone. So long as she's clean and presentable. I'm in my 40's and still annoyed at the things my Mum made me wear as a child. It really impacts your self identity.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/12/2025 21:40

PGmicstand · 23/12/2025 21:24

Precisely.
As long as she's not naked/wearing swimming clothes then it doesn't really matter. What matters is spending time together.

Even if it was swimming clothes. (Assuming not cold). So what? This is in her house with her own family. If you can’t be comfy and yourself in your own house, where can you be?

AnnieLummox · 23/12/2025 21:40

She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns.

It’s an impulse to be controlling and demand your own way.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/12/2025 21:42

arethereanyleftatall · 23/12/2025 21:40

Even if it was swimming clothes. (Assuming not cold). So what? This is in her house with her own family. If you can’t be comfy and yourself in your own house, where can you be?

My apologies. I retract my own post! I didn’t realise you were going out. Ok. Fully clothed!

Laurmolonlabe · 23/12/2025 21:44

You have always let her have free rein- starting laying the law down now is going to cause problems, you let her express herself and she has a strong idea of her own image- you can't change that now, you could have had more say but you weren't bothered you can't change direction like that without causing major resentment.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 23/12/2025 21:46

Why are you making such a big deal about this?

It's only hair. A slicked back ponytail is neat and tidy, expecting it down is you trying to force your perceived idea of femininity on her

And well done for her knowing her own mind. If they want her in the wedding party then they could work with her to find something she likes (maybe a suit like the page boys?) rather than forcing feminity on her

TheLemonLemur · 23/12/2025 21:46

So she can make her own choices every other day but you expect her to understand you being totally dogmatic about this 1 day 🙄

intrepidpanda · 23/12/2025 21:47

I think you need to have a look at why you are so upset about this
She is not a doll to be played dress up with.
Clean and presentable yes, but hair down and girly clothes because others find it beautiful???

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:50

I would be very firm on the "no tracksuit" because that's reasonable. I'd even threaten to buy her a dress if she didn't pick more suitable clothing, being a tomboy and liking blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green is normal (looks great on girls ) doesn't stop anyone from finding suitable clothing.

I wouldn't bother about the hair. That's her choice.

She should have at least ONE decent non-tracksuit outfit, to be worn when appropriate. She can buy jumpsuits, boys clothes , whatever she wants and still be smart. You can find anything cheap in Primark or second hand

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 21:51

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:50

I would be very firm on the "no tracksuit" because that's reasonable. I'd even threaten to buy her a dress if she didn't pick more suitable clothing, being a tomboy and liking blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green is normal (looks great on girls ) doesn't stop anyone from finding suitable clothing.

I wouldn't bother about the hair. That's her choice.

She should have at least ONE decent non-tracksuit outfit, to be worn when appropriate. She can buy jumpsuits, boys clothes , whatever she wants and still be smart. You can find anything cheap in Primark or second hand

They’ve agreed on the tracksuit, that isn’t the OP’s issue. It’s the ponytail she’s bothered about.

M103 · 23/12/2025 21:52

Why is a ponytail not suitable for Christmas?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 23/12/2025 21:52

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:50

I would be very firm on the "no tracksuit" because that's reasonable. I'd even threaten to buy her a dress if she didn't pick more suitable clothing, being a tomboy and liking blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green is normal (looks great on girls ) doesn't stop anyone from finding suitable clothing.

I wouldn't bother about the hair. That's her choice.

She should have at least ONE decent non-tracksuit outfit, to be worn when appropriate. She can buy jumpsuits, boys clothes , whatever she wants and still be smart. You can find anything cheap in Primark or second hand

Wow

You'd threat to make her even more uncomfortable and try and force her into a dress because she won't do as you want?

Disgusting

Icanflyhigh · 23/12/2025 21:54

YABU

Theslummymummy · 23/12/2025 21:55

So you want your daughter to conform to your beauty standards on a day that is meant to be magical for small children? I hope you know youve taught her her natural style and what makes her comfortable isn't good enough for you and what you prefer trumps that and her body autonomy.

Gagamama2 · 23/12/2025 21:55

Somewhat sympathise as my dd8 is going through a phase where she hates me doing anything with her hair and would walk about with it unbrushed all over her face if she could. Obviously she can’t wear it like that on Christmas Day (or going to school).

but if your daughter lets you style it then what about a Rumi style french braid? Looks amazing and would be off her face and up like a ponytail but a bit more dressy

ByDenimNewt · 23/12/2025 21:58

Hmm it sounds like you are one of those people who think they are "live and let live" but really, really arent

RedPanda17 · 23/12/2025 21:58

WorkMess2025 · 23/12/2025 20:03

Totally get why you're irked over some things but unfortunately I am in the 'this is unreasonable' camp. I always figure what does it matter how she wears her hair? Is it more important that she feels good and has a lovely time or looks how you'd like her to look but feels concious of it?

I'm very much of the opinion that hairstyle and style overall is their call. Yes, I would be having words if my DD tried to go out in a dress in the snow... but as long as it is appropriate for the weather and activity, I want to foster that side of her independence. My DD who's 4 often does her own hair with various clips etc. Sometimes it looks a little... wild. But honestly if she's happy with it (which she always is, and often looks at herself and says "wow, I'm so beautiful!") Then that's all that really matters.

Perhaps broaching the issues of feeling she lacks gratitude for time/money/effort spent is more important.

I love this and hope every 4 year old has the same energy!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/12/2025 22:03

I think you are discussing it with her too much 🤷‍♀️ I wouldn’t have talked to her about it until the day and then given her a choice if two outfits that are suitable.

The hair thing I’d have played by ear, if she was feeling chilled she probably wouldn’t have minded how she wore her hair.

I think you’ve made this into a drama when it really didn’t need to be.

BlondeBonBon · 23/12/2025 22:04

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

This is what I suggested. So that it’s not in her face. It was a resounding no!

And thank you for understanding, this is exactly my issue. She needs to know (as do all kids) about dress codes. She dresses and styles herself however she wants for school, outings etc. she’s got oodles of choice with everything. But there comes a time when certain things aren’t appropriate. She’s been asked to be a flower girl at my brothers wedding and has outright refused due to the dress code; things like that are hard to manage I’m torn between get on with it and well it will make her uncomfortable

She already adheres to school rules about uniform so no need to practice dressing up. Perfectly fine for her to decline the wedding brides maid dress/role in favour of a more comfortable less feminine outfit. She can still look smart. It’s her body and her hair.

AgnesMcDoo · 23/12/2025 22:05

Why force her to have a hair style you like rather than what she likes?

and why on earth spend money on new clothes of money is right.

you’ve got all your priorities wrong

couldthisbe2501 · 23/12/2025 22:05

I can’t believe this is real.

She doesn’t like your style, she thinks it naff. Stop teaching your kids that someone, anyone, can tell them how to dress or have their own hair. It’s unnecessary control.

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 22:06

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 23/12/2025 21:52

Wow

You'd threat to make her even more uncomfortable and try and force her into a dress because she won't do as you want?

Disgusting

it's being a parent.

What's "disgusting" in giving a choice between pick a smart non-tracksuit outfit or I find you a smart dress?

Kids manage to wear the required uniform for school, they can manage to pick an outfit at home too.

I appreciate it's easier to be a lazy parent, but that doesn't help the child in the long run does it.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 22:07

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 22:06

it's being a parent.

What's "disgusting" in giving a choice between pick a smart non-tracksuit outfit or I find you a smart dress?

Kids manage to wear the required uniform for school, they can manage to pick an outfit at home too.

I appreciate it's easier to be a lazy parent, but that doesn't help the child in the long run does it.

Help the child to do what, in the long run?

whynotwhatknot · 23/12/2025 22:07

myb parents used to do this onculding dressing me and my sister the same-its annoying and its all for show

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 22:09

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 22:07

Help the child to do what, in the long run?

what do you think? 🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread