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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you spend Xmas away from your kids?

107 replies

Christmashitmas · 23/12/2025 09:50

Due to be at the in-laws tomorrow for a full itinerary of Christmas related trips, meals and visits. Christmas is massive in DHs family.
I’m ill. Cancelling will devastate the kids.
What would you do? Go and risk passing flu on and being miserable and alone in a guest bedroom, force everyone to stay home and be miserable with me or let DH take the kids and stay home alone and miserable?

it all feels very miserable.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 23/12/2025 10:34

Hmm, maybe they can go without you, but not stay so long?? It would be really hard to miss them but it would also be hard on them to stay home if you are needing to stay in bed most of the time.

I actually had a Christmas where I spent the whole week in hospital, and it was so hard to be away from my children. I ended up being sent home at the last minute on Christmas day, made it home just in time for lunch with them and then had to go back the next day. It was 3 years ago, my daughter was talking about it today as we were baking together, how she did her baking with her grandmother instead that year. She enjoyed that, but she also still remembers feeling sad that I wasn't there. How old are the children, what do they think if they were to go without you? What if they open some gift with you before or after so that you don't miss everything.

whatdoyourdoggoswant · 23/12/2025 10:34

Christmashitmas · 23/12/2025 10:22

Sorry to be extra clear, it’s a 5 day extravaganza with different people each day.

xmas eve - my family and in laws all together
xmas day - in laws and cousins all together
Boxing Day - my brother and sisters and kids meal out
27th - trip to wales for other family members

Inlaws are 2 hours away. Kids were very excited also to wake up Xmas day with all the other kids there. It’s amazing after santas been! So it would mean me missing seeing them open presents which is really sad. Unless they came home Xmas eve night and went back Xmas day afternoon but then they’re missing out still.

no one else showing any symptoms, everyone’s vaccinated (I am too but clearly this flu doesn’t care!)

Family all want me to come, but I can barely move

Let them go alone. Maybe you can join part way through if you feel better? Sorry you are sick.

TicklishViper · 23/12/2025 10:36

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FlashingFairyLight · 23/12/2025 10:36

If you can barely move OP, that's your answer.
You won't enjoy it if you force yourself to go out & there's a very real risk you'll pass it to others meaning they can't enjoy the festive period either.

There's zero point stopping the family going in order to watch you being ill on a sofa. That would not be a fun & festive day for anyone.

It sucks (I have a heavy cold right now too, solidarity) being ill at this time of year but we're adults & we have to do the right thing for the majority (yawn, boo).

Bed in, get DH to facetime you when they're opening gifts.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 23/12/2025 10:43

I'd tell them to go.

If you've got flu you're not going to feel like eating or socialising, if you rest up now you may feel better by the time the trip to Wales comes round and could join them for that.

SpanThatWorld · 23/12/2025 10:43

Stay home and rest.

My mum and I had Xmas apart for years when I was a child. She was a nurse and would volunteer for all the shifts ( back in the day when there was more enhanced pay for BHs) and I would go to GPs for the festive period, hang out with all the rellies and have fun. My dad also worked in a 24hr public service role so was sometimes there but was usually also picking up the enhanced pay shifts.

I loved those Xmases with wider family. Anything can be fun when you're a child; it doesn't have to be the same every time.

With modern tech, if you're up to it you could video call from bed for present opening and share an online hot chocolate or whatever.

Branleuse · 23/12/2025 10:45

I'd let them go without me. Would not risk passing on flu to others, and I wouldn't want the children to miss out in order to stay in with an ill parent.
Hopefully if they're all away, the flu can be contained.

Heronwatcher · 23/12/2025 10:46

Unwrap stockings and/ or family presents at home together, then DH takes kids to his in laws for lunch and comes back with a plate of nibbles for you and some non-taxing games/ a film in the evening. Hopefully if you have most of the day to rest then you’ll be feeling better.

Honestly if you’re away from home feeling ill it will end in tears anyway and if you set out the plan to your kids I think they will be fine with it.

boastyface · 23/12/2025 10:46

665theneighborofthebeast · 23/12/2025 10:01

Let dh take the kids.
Order a fab takeaway of stuff I actually like for a change and have delivered to reheat Christmas day.
Move myself onto the sofa with a duvet and all the remotes within easy reach.
Line up a binge fest of stuff To watch on tv and several boxes of chocolates tissues and decongestants.
Hope to be better by the time they get back so i can share all the photos and videos.

Sounds like heaven

pizzaHeart · 23/12/2025 10:47

You can’t come if you feel so bad you won’t be able to join festivities any way and staying somewhere when you are unwell is not exciting.

Heronwatcher · 23/12/2025 10:52

Sorry just seen updates to your post.

Given the timings I would postpone as much as you can with your own family until the new year. Do Burns Night, Candlemas, Russian Christmas instead (January is bloody miserable so make this a thing!!).

Then I would send DH and the kids on Christmas Eve and put up with not seeing them open presents- they can FaceTime you or do some special ones at home afterwards. If they’re in a big house with other kids and their dad, not to sound cruel, but they won’t miss you.

Then they come back either Christmas Day late or Boxing Day, by which time you will be feeling better and can decide whether to attempt Wales on the 27th.

MrTwisterHasABlister · 23/12/2025 10:57

I’d stay home with the telly, remote, a bottle of whiskey (for hot toddy’s) and cold relief tablets.

Keep a couple of presents back for the kids to open when they get home. See how you feel in a day or two and then possibly join them.

EverardDeTroyes · 23/12/2025 10:59

In the past, when any one of us (ie me, dh, dc) has been ill, we either all went (with hosts' agreement) or all stayed, but it was never the situation of me being ill going to in laws. In your case, I would definitely stay at home as you sound too ill to travel and don't want to pass it on. If your dh and kids would be vastly disappointed, let them go without you. You could always open the kids' presents before they leave if you want to be part of that. Then enjoy a few days of rest and peace. Get dh to set you up with what you need beforehand. There will be other Christmases.

GRCP · 23/12/2025 11:01

All go but you stay in bed in the guest room until you’re feeling better.

Lollypop701 · 23/12/2025 11:03

I’d ask Dp and dc to go on Christmas Day after present opening and I’d stay home. They can take presents with them.

FancyCatSlave · 23/12/2025 11:04

Let them go and join in a few days if you are better. There’s no way they should miss out.

You can rest in peace and they can facetime the presents opening.

somanychristmaslights · 23/12/2025 11:09

I wouldn’t want someone in my house sick with flu, just sat on the sofa so they can see their kids open some presents. Stay home and let them go, and go when you’re feeling better. It’s one of those unfortunate things.

somanychristmaslights · 23/12/2025 11:10

If you’re that ill, surely you’d be in bed resting. What’s the point then in the rest of the family just sat in the living room being miserable. Dont ruin it for them too.

Fontet · 23/12/2025 11:37

Stay home and take care of yourself. X

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 23/12/2025 11:42

I know it’s disappointing but I think you should stay home and let them go. You will look back on this as the year you had flu and missed Christmas. It happens.

saraclara · 23/12/2025 11:45

Get a flu test kit from a pharmacy or supermarket. There's a big difference in passing on flu and passing on a bad cold. Also if it's a cold, your recovery will be quicker and you might well be able to cope.

Mydadsbirthday · 23/12/2025 11:46

Nah you stay behind and perhaps by Boxing Day you'll feel up to joining?

This has happened to us before - DH missed our twins' first Xmas due to flu, I took them to my family but turned out the twins had caught it as well and were absolutely miserable, we all came home early! It's just life!

Get them to FaceTime / video call you when they're opening their presents. Hope you feel better soon x

Meadowfinch · 23/12/2025 11:48

Let them go. You stay home and sleep.You'll recover faster.
I've spent every xmas day with my ds17 but I'm a single mum, and the alternative would be miserable for ds. Your dcs have a loving, competent alternative. Let him take the load, just this once.

TunnocksOrDeath · 23/12/2025 11:50

People are typically contagious for a bit before showing symptoms. Is it possible that your DH / children have caught this from you and are about to go and infect Granny & Grandad? I'd ask your PIL what they prefer. If their health is not generally robust they may prefer to wait and see you all once it's passed.

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/12/2025 11:51

Send them, then catch up in a couple of days when you feel better.