Disappointed Dh finishing at lunch on xmas eve

[justnotthesameasnormal]

We’ve all been ill recently so have barely done any Christmas things as a family. We felt better this weekend, but he still said he felt tired and was mainly in bed all weekend. I did lots of Christmassy things with Dd which was nice, but seemed strange missing so many things.
I assumed he finished tomorrow so had planned that we’d all go to a lovely Christmas market with kids rides and mulled wine etc on xmas eve.
He said he’s finishing at lunchtime now so there won’t be time
It’s not just that, but i’ve done literally every single thing for Christmas, which I get as I work less and finish earlier, but it still feels disappointing

Aibu or is this a normal situation and if so what would you do if it was just you and your dc?

Also, as a teacher I finish early so usually do a lot more of the Christmas prep too because I have the time (and am obsessed). I always used to book up the festive events for December weekends and just drag dh along. Now mine are teenagers and it's dh and I dragging them along.

That's nice, but not necessarily a reflection of what things are like in the rest of the world. I will be working up until 5pm on Christmas Eve, because I work in mental health and this is a busy time of year for us sadly. I don't do my usual job in the run up to Christmas, I help out supporting the 24/7 helpline staff. We are dealing with people who are sad, lonely, divorcing and won't see their kids, broke, bereaved, made redundant, suicidal. Burnt out emergency services staff who won't get any time with their own families because they're understaffed and busier than normal. I'll be doing my share of being on call on the bank holidays too, to support the helpline staff dealing with the seasonal influx of suicidal callers on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

People aren't calling that helpline because their DH has to work until lunchtime on Christmas Eve and there's not enough time to be Christmassy. Be grateful you are not one of those people for whom this time of year is unbearably painful.

Christmas Eve is a work day, even finishing at lunchtime is not guaranteed, dh generally finished around 3 (rather than 5.30) I’ve booked it off as he’s now retired

I’m hoping we’ll be asked to finish early on New Year’s Eve but we normally only know on the day. Otherwise, it’s the same 4pm finish for me, We all work from home till the 5th of Jan so no commute and we just do things in the evening, nothing wrong with that. Even my last DC is going to nursery but I’ll pick early if we finish earlier otherwise, nothing else I can do.

I get the working til lunch time, -:what I struggle with is the need to go to the pub!

Christmas is time for joy, for rest and to enjoy with family and friends not to get stressed. You all have been felling unwell, just do something without him or plan a afternoon of games at home. There is no rush to see markets etc.
The activities are not the main dish, the main dish is rest and have a good time.
Give yourself a break and relax.
It doesn't matter if you are fuming he still has to work.

Christmas Eve IS magical imo so I can see why you're disappointed. I'm working Christmas Eve but should be home before 6pm.
I personally wouldn't choose drinks with colleagues on 24/12 since having children though.

Communication between you seems poor on this.

After contributing little to organising it and having spent little time together recently him going to the pub after work seems crap. Assuming he knows you’re into doing these kinds of things.

If there is a general issue in your relationship, eg not doing things as a couple or family, him being disengaged, him not doing a fair share of things, you could discuss that with him, perhaps after Christmas day.

It's normal in families for at least one parent to work full time, which generally means working up to Christmas Eve.
If they want to do "Christmassy things" during the week, they talk about it and organise a day.
It's unfortunate he was ill at the weekend, which has scuppered some plans.

But if he's off until the 5th, you have loads of time to do things together as a family.

He'll still be about from the late afternoon/evening on Christmas Eve which is plenty early enough for children young enough to believe in Santa, and leaves hours of time with older children.

Does he actually like Christmas markets? Personally I find them hideously overpriced stalls, mainly selling mass-produced tat disguised as handicrafts or very average food at inflated prices (no, I'm not paying £5 for a Costco muffin, even if you have stuck a handful of cheap sweets on top of it). I'm also recovering from flu, and the thought of hauling sugar-fuelled children round one of these and being expected to pay for the privilege sounds absolute hell to me.

Christmas Eve is a normal working day. Not a bank holiday. I wouldn’t assume someone has taken an extra day holiday. Especially if they’ve been unwell recently, so need to be as productive as possible.
I’ve done all the Christmas stuff, prepped the house, done the shopping and wrapped the gifts. OH hasn’t done anything.
im on call until 6pm on Xmas eve

You are lucky to have until 5th January off - many people (eg me) have to work Xmas Eve and the in betweens. Sorry OP, I think you’re sounding a bit entitled.

I’m working until 5 christmas eve and so is everyone else unless they’ve booked AL. You’ve got 2wks together, chill.

Just accept this festive season as slightly underwhelming. Next year may be different! I wouldn't get annoyed.

You will have Xmas eve evening together and Xmas day/boxing day. Surely that's all that matters.

Like previous posters have mentioned, many professions have to work the Xmas period so you just make of it what you can.

When we both worked full time, Christmas began when we had both finished work for the holidays. For DH that was usually Christmas Eve lunchtime.
Most Christmas markets finish before Christmas Eve. You’ve got lots of time from Thursday to do Christmas stuff.

I would say working till x time on Christmas Eve is pretty standard for most jobs though tbh. I’ve always worked up until and also over Christmas even when the kids were little

I’d also say it makes a difference as to when annual leave runs out - mine runs Jan to Dec, DPs runs April to April. So I had annual leave I had to take by the end of December otherwise id lose it. My job now also do have a full Christmas shutdown. So I’ve literally got over 2 weeks off work

My DP could have took annual leave but has chosen to not do. His kids aren’t here until Christmas Eve so it’s just mine and we’ve made the most of our evenings together doing Christmas things - movies etc

Also agreeing with others that things like Christmas markets are completely naff, packed and other Christmas activities are just generally massively overpriced. I wouldn’t take annual leave for any of those specifically so I don’t blame him!

There is so much pressure to be together and to do Christmassey things and relationships having pressure piled on them. I’m working until 5:30 on Xmas Eve as that’s when the office closes. My family is aware. I spent this weekend food shopping and sorting things out so we can have an easier time later this week. Hopefully my family members aren’t harbouring any secret resentments.

it is beyond ridiculous how much enforced nonsense there is for one day of the year.

I start night shifts tonight looking after the children that can’t go home for Christmas. Lots of us work Christmas Eve. And Christmas.

How is he actively avoiding it if his boss has told him he has to work?

Then he doesn't have a choice, does he?

Winter wonderland and light experiences near here are still on after Christmas which are still nice if he can’t come on that day. Personally I’d just take dd myself and he can meet you there if he has time., He can’t help working or the fact that everyone has been ill.

Dear OP, it's totally normal to feel a bit disappointed. I have found that because I do virtually everything for Christmas, and certainly everything for DD, I am far more invested in and excited for Christmas activities than my DH.
He is cheerful when he comes along, and if we need to drive somewhere he's happy to do it, but if I didn't book the Santa visit, the GLOW light visit, etc. it just wouldn't happen and he wouldn't mind. I try not to take it personally and just enjoy the planning/time with DD. Xx

What do you want him to do? Take a day leave? Call in sick?. Maybe switch roles, he can work in a school and you can work full time..

We've had to include anything that's on in November, or we wouldn't necessarily get to do a Christmas day out because the youngest GC is always ill over December. Going forward you'd have to see if he's bothered and a late panto on Christmas eve might be an option.

Normal to work on Xmas Eve, but from decades of observation, Christmas simply wouldn't happen without women. I mean how many men have you known, ever, who have arranged for the whole family to visit Xmas market-no input from their wife?