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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disappointed Dh finishing at lunch on xmas eve

129 replies

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 17:42

We’ve all been ill recently so have barely done any Christmas things as a family. We felt better this weekend, but he still said he felt tired and was mainly in bed all weekend. I did lots of Christmassy things with Dd which was nice, but seemed strange missing so many things.
I assumed he finished tomorrow so had planned that we’d all go to a lovely Christmas market with kids rides and mulled wine etc on xmas eve.
He said he’s finishing at lunchtime now so there won’t be time
It’s not just that, but i’ve done literally every single thing for Christmas, which I get as I work less and finish earlier, but it still feels disappointing

Aibu or is this a normal situation and if so what would you do if it was just you and your dc?

OP posts:
AnxiousArmadillo · 22/12/2025 22:04

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 18:15

I’ve always worked, but in schools, Dh doesn’t usually work xmas eve. Growing up, my whole family was home xmas eve

Show quote history

There’s a big world out there with all sorts of people working on Christmas Eve.

BauhausOfEliott · 22/12/2025 22:15

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 18:15

I’ve always worked, but in schools, Dh doesn’t usually work xmas eve. Growing up, my whole family was home xmas eve

Show quote history

Christmas Eve is a normal working day so it’s not at all typical for everyone to be home every year on that day. I don’t think my dad ever was!

Howardyoudo · 22/12/2025 22:20

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 18:15

I’ve always worked, but in schools, Dh doesn’t usually work xmas eve. Growing up, my whole family was home xmas eve

Show quote history

Well now that you are a grown up too, you must realise that this isn’t your childhood. Absolutely normal to be working on Xmas eve. You’ve all been ill, give him a break. Just do something with your kids as normal people do when the other parent has to go to work.

TwistedWonder · 22/12/2025 22:23

Like many people I’m working til 5 on Christmas Eve and back at 9 on Monday

Its a normal working day for sone of us

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 22/12/2025 22:51

Just to be clear, you’re upset DH has to go to work on a normal working day, and despite not asking him or him saying anything am equally disappointed because you think he’ll go to the pub?

caringcarer · 22/12/2025 23:16

It's quite common for people to have to work on Xmas Eve. Many don't finish until 5pm.

slashlover · 23/12/2025 00:02

I'm working 8-6 on Christmas Eve (retail) then back at 11am on Boxing Day.

Pistachiocake · 23/12/2025 01:02

About half the workers I know finish then (at least the office types, obviously some of the people I know have jobs that aren't standard 9-5) so it seems fairly normal really. Does depend on your job.

ActiveTiger · 23/12/2025 04:09

Mine is working till 4 on Xmas eve this year

MeAndTheDoggo · 23/12/2025 04:44

Christmas Eve working is normal.depending on the industry often an early finish. My husband never books it off because he sees it as a waste of a whole days holiday for working less hours. As I said though this does depend on the industry. But for him, he’d lose a whole day, when in reality he’s done by 1 because that’s when folks start to drift away to start their holidays

cornflourblue · 23/12/2025 04:52

What an absolute luxury you are both then off til the 5th.

I don't think my DC feel they have missed out with their parents working Xmas eve. DH has often worked xmas day too.

Next year maybe communicate better snd make plans as a family if you feel he's not engaging enough in christmas plans.

PeloMom · 23/12/2025 04:59

I always worked Christmas Eve until lunchtime. In my experience everyone rushed home after, not staying for drinks. Or some years around 11 our boss would take us for lunch and a drink and we’d still be done by 12:30, 1 very latest. Maybe check with him what the plan is instead of making assumptions?

Iocanepowder · 23/12/2025 05:04

Interestingly my mum worked in education and also never quite ‘got’ that not everyone has 2 weeks off over Christmas every year.

Op i have an office job and have worked every single Christmas eve except for my 2 mat leaves and 1 year being off for surgery. I have 2 little kids and I am still working Christmas eve this week. Many of us who don’t have school jobs have to split our leave like this for childcare.

Many (not all) companies have a guideline that staff can take off either Christmas eve or New years eve but not both.

Are you sure he is going out for drinks? Never happened in my office, everyone wants to get home to their families.

Him not contributing to Christmas is a separate issue to deal with.

Christmas eve is a working day for many people so maybe put less emphasis on it. Especially as he finishes at lunch. Many offices will not finish until 2 or 3pm.

Springtimehere · 23/12/2025 05:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 23/12/2025 05:13

I’m afraid YABU. I understand the disappointment but if I hadn’t booked Christmas Eve off myself in the summer I’d now be working till 4pm. If it means that much to you, your probably ought to have a conversation about it. It’s too late to change anything for this year but you could plan for next year better. As for being ill, no one can really help that. You get ill when you get ill. It’s very rarely at a convenient point. It is frustrating when it spoils plans but I’ve said to countless colleagues over the past week, just stay at home, the rest of us will cope, get yourself recovered for Christmas. If it was my DH I’d be saying the same thing, rest up now so we can enjoy our time off together. I think you need to communicate and be prepared to adjust your expectations a little. If your all off those family activities can slot in between Christmas snd New Year.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 23/12/2025 05:32

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 17:57

We all have until the 5th off, it’s just that excitement of xmas eve

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So he's then off for nearly two weeks!! I think yabu

Abitofapain · 23/12/2025 05:41

I remember the last year dh worked on Xmas eve - the kids were 3 and I had done everything- dh arrived home at 5pm (he’d gone for a few drinks with his colleagues) I said no more, it was a totally miserable experience. 20 years later he’s taken Christmas Eve off every year since. Xmas eve is my favourite day - we enjoy it together now.

Silverbirchleaf · 23/12/2025 05:57

Christmas Eve is a normal working day, not a bank holiday. He should have booked holiday if he wanted it off.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2025 06:05

justnotthesameasnormal · 22/12/2025 18:15

I’ve always worked, but in schools, Dh doesn’t usually work xmas eve. Growing up, my whole family was home xmas eve

Show quote history

I worked in schools. My ex husband always worked on Christmas Eve. After I left teaching so did I. It's a normal working day.

Mt563 · 23/12/2025 06:31

Sounds like this is part of a bigger issue. Is he normally not very involved and you wish he were? Does he not pull his weight or prioritise time with the kids?

Imaginingdragonsagain · 23/12/2025 06:34

Ask him not to go to the pub after lunch, and do something nice with the children in the afternoon.

susiedaisy1912 · 23/12/2025 06:37

Seems like you didn’t have a proper conversation with him if you just assumed what day he finished for Xmas. Next year be sure to check. When Xmas day is at the end of a working week a lot of companies will work right up until Xmas eve unless you ask for annual leave in my experience.

Sartre · 23/12/2025 06:38

I get it OP, Christmas Eve is super special to me (more so than the actual day) so I’d be very upset if DH worked it too. Could you take the DC on your own? Make it special and magical without him.

Moonnstarz · 23/12/2025 06:43

Sartre · 23/12/2025 06:38

I get it OP, Christmas Eve is super special to me (more so than the actual day) so I’d be very upset if DH worked it too. Could you take the DC on your own? Make it special and magical without him.

If you know it's a super special day surely you would try and book it off and do this as soon as your company allow you to book annual leave. It sounds like the OP didn't even think that jobs outside of school require people to work normal working hours up to Christmas. I too work in a school and go through any key dates I need/want DH to have off so he can try and book them (if no one else has also claimed them).
As others have said, him not helping with anything else is a separate issue for the OP.

WonderingWanda · 23/12/2025 06:45

It's normal for many jobs to finish at lunch on Christmas Eve. You've, slightly sulkily, said there's no point now but that sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Tell your dh to meet you at 1pm at the Christmas market (if it's still there? Ours has packed up and gone now).

Also do some research of festive things you can do as a family between Christmas and New Year. National Trust properties are always beautiful at Christmas, also go to a Panto. Do one of those Forestry Commission Gruffalo trails then go home and make your own deluxe hot chocolates with all the trimmings. Go for a local lights walk or drive and see all the neighbourhood lights before or after dinner one night. Play family games, arrange for friends with kids to join you etc.

Christmas is not ruined because of this.