Disappointed Dh finishing at lunch on xmas eve

[justnotthesameasnormal]

We’ve all been ill recently so have barely done any Christmas things as a family. We felt better this weekend, but he still said he felt tired and was mainly in bed all weekend. I did lots of Christmassy things with Dd which was nice, but seemed strange missing so many things.
I assumed he finished tomorrow so had planned that we’d all go to a lovely Christmas market with kids rides and mulled wine etc on xmas eve.
He said he’s finishing at lunchtime now so there won’t be time
It’s not just that, but i’ve done literally every single thing for Christmas, which I get as I work less and finish earlier, but it still feels disappointing

Aibu or is this a normal situation and if so what would you do if it was just you and your dc?

Is there any reason you and your DD can’t go together and make it a girls day out and have fun ?

Working day here, finish at 5 like a PP. The idea of having CE off to prance about with mulled wine and twinkly lights is hallmark BS in my world too! Sounds more like a lack of communication re times and the prep which you understandably sound resentful about having run around and done it all.

I would like to finish by lunchtime on christmas day tbh!!! Ignore him and do the stuff you want to do, it’s no-one’s fault he has to work, and then he has nearly 2 weeks off anyway!! It really is a non issue!!

The issue is whether H always opts out of stuff and is this a pattern, you deal to call him out on?? or is it only this year as you have all been ill?

It’s normal Working day! Why is he finishing so early? I assume he’s taken annual leave. YABVU. Like most people I will be working until I finish at at 5:30.

Can he not finish at lunchtime, spend an hour with workmates having drinks and meet you and kids at Xmas market after? You and kids can potter round for a bit without him then meet up late afternoon?

If market really does shut at lunchtime then I guess you just can't go with him as he's no choice but to work til then.

Just tell him that's the schedule you'd like to go with and see if he agrees? It sounds reasonable to want to do the Xmas eve market thing as a family so I don't see why he would refuse. But he can't get out of working.

We’ve the sand except it’s dh. He’ll bring them for hot chocolate and then we’ll meet to go for a walk at lunch time and then go visiting. It is tough op but crap for the people working too!!!

Did he book it off? Did you ask him to?
I have it off this year because I decided to book annual leave, if I hadn’t it would have been a normal day and I have worked Christmas Eve many years.
I’d take the kids for a good run in the park/on the beach personally to tire them out, a Christmas market & rides will get them all riled up and they’ll be too worked up by the evening!

It’s not his fault he has to work Xmas Eve.

I think he’s lucky to only have to work half the day.

You’ll have to go with your DC without him and perhaps do something on Boxing Day if he has it off.

If he's finishing at lunchtime on Christmas Eve you can do something after, cinema, family meal, walk around the local lights with a hot chocolate, etc. He certainly wouldn't be going for a few drinks with colleagues when I had been 'solo' Christmassing all weekend.

I'm also not sure why people keep telling the OP that other people work Christmas Eve; she's aware of that and has said so.

It's not unreasonable working on Christmas eve, but I suspect that isn't really what you are angry about - more it's the last straw in a long list of other stuff.

He is very unreasonable staying in bed all weekend because he's a bit tired! I'd be very unimpressed with that.

It's not uncommon for people to finish early Xmas eve - my ex's dad always used to say it would have been a waste to book it off (when the grown up kids were coming to stay) because he'd be home by 1 anyway. And he was, every time.

I used to work in a day nursery, when we could finish whenever the last kid got picked up... there was usually one left on their own after 4, so I assume the rest of the parents were finishing early too!

Dh will rock up home around 7/8pm Christmas Eve once I’ve done all the grunt work.

So he will be cooking and prepping the entire Christmas dinner while enjoying a sit down and a drink.

It’s annoying but well his loss on the fun little bits with the children the random little stuff.

He is finishing early on Christmas Eve so can do family stuff but it sounds like he’s planned to go out drinking after work instead.

then you are unreasonable to "assume" anything - I understand you wanted Christmas Eve off, but why not ask him to book it? And go back to work a day earlier on the other side?

If he has a light day on Christmas Eve, bit of a shame to waste a day of annual leave frankly.

Don't worry you will have had more than enough "family time" by 5th Jan I guarantee!

I’ve never known that. Christmas Eve is a particularly busy working day and no way could we leave early. I’m in my 60s and it’s always been like that; I work in TV/film.

Ah so you weren’t intending to sound mean in your post! Sorry!

Christmas Eve is a normal work day for most people. We're getting off at lunchtime and I'm very happy with that. I think you're expecting a bit much here, OP.

Yes, it can be. But he originally said he had it off.

Yep, and his boss has now changed his mind. C'est la vie.

Millions of people work as normal on Christmas Eve.

Yes normal time to finish, I am off on Christmas Eve as I’ve taken holiday, otherwise j would have been working till 2 at earliest and up to 5.30.

I get where you are coming from OP especially if he has been ill on the weekend and you haven't been able to get out as a family. It is the case for a lot of us that the weekdays before Christmas need to be split, my partner is working to lunchtime Christmas eve while I'm off, so the morning is going to be spent without him. I will say your partner should be coming home rather than going out for drinks after, that is the sort of thing you just don't pull on Christmas eve with a young family.

You've got to realise that, for many people (and at a rough guess, I'd say 90% of men) "a lovely Christmas market with kids rides and mulled wine etc" is their idea of a living hell. Even more so if they've just got over a virus, and have returned to work after spending most of the weekend in bed.

I appreciate that you've all been ill, and you feel that you've done all the 'work' of Christmas.

But doing this 'work' - what everyone else seems to do, planning and going on outings, decorating the house, buying a ton of presents, cooking a load of food - is putting WAY too much pressure on yourself and everyone else.

You'll feel exhausted and resentful. He'll feel got at and resentful. And DD will be made miserable by all the tension. It's why so many people dread Christmas. They can't work out why it never comes off as they imagine it.

Please don't compare yourself to other people and the grand time they're apparently having. It's a recipe for unhappiness. The important thing is to enjoy each other's company, whatever that means for your family. Even if it's just playing a daft game or watching telly together. Nothing else matters.

I understand your disappointment, and YANBU, as he should have communicated this to you earlier. This is a special time of year for family, and I remember rushing home and not participating in Christmas Eve drinks because of that special time with family. This time with the children will not last long, and is a magical time in both your lives.

We discussed and booked our Christmas leave in November, surely if you work normal office jobs where xmas eve is just a normal working day you'd communicate what you had in mind and book it off? He isn't a mind reader, if you wanted to do a christmas eve market surely you both arrange the day off way ahead of time, I mean unless you are self employed and don't have clients to rearrange etc?