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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend in the wrong? Or did I overreact?

53 replies

Rachhj · 21/12/2025 18:08

BF and I met his friend and someone he has been seeing for a couple of months last night at our local for drinks.

This was the first time we’ve met her, lovely girl and we got along well.

When she went to the loo, my BF turned to his friend and said something (not exact quote) like ‘I bet you can’t wait to get stuck into that later’ and they both laughed.

I told him afterwards I thought that was not a pleasant way to speak about her and he said that we were in a pub, had a couple of drinks and that’s just how blokes talk to each other, and he meant no disrespect.

AIBU to have found this unkind?

OP posts:
sprigatito · 21/12/2025 18:09

No, you’re not overreacting. He’s a revolting misogynist pig. And he’s not remotely bothered about showing that in front of you 🤮

fishfingerbutty · 21/12/2025 18:10

Surely you mean your ex BF?
What a horrible man he is.

OtterlyMad · 21/12/2025 18:11

No that’s gross. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and never heard him speak about another woman in that way, even when he has been drunk with all his mates in the pub.

VanillaIceIceBaby · 21/12/2025 18:12

I’ve never ever heard a man talk like that about anyone. And I live a busy life. No man in my sphere talks like that no matter how many drinks they have had.

yeesh · 21/12/2025 18:12

Utterly vile. 🗑️

Okiedokie123 · 21/12/2025 18:12

I would date or be friends with anyone that said stuff like that. Utterly vile.

JLou08 · 21/12/2025 18:13

It is disgusting and really disrespectful. Unfortunately, it is pretty normal for men to talk about women like that.

Taweofterror · 21/12/2025 18:14

Unkind? That's the very least of it. Sexist, disgusting and revealing of what he thinks of women. Not to mention utterly disrespectful to you

JHound · 21/12/2025 18:14
chelsea peretti ew GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I wish you could see the face I pulled reading that… basically the gif sums it up.

ConstitutionHill · 21/12/2025 18:14

I mean it's bad. If he had said "get stuck into her" it would have been bad enough, but the "that" - so dehumanising.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/12/2025 18:14

I have three brothers, lots of male cousins, multiple male friends, have dated several men and am now married. I’ve never heard a man say anything like that. Your boyfriend is a misogynistic troglodyte.

I’m also worried about the fact that you have to ask if you’re overreacting. Are you very young, OP?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/12/2025 18:15

Any man dehumanising a woman like that would be single.

But you refer to him as BF, which means he’s not.

Catwoman8 · 21/12/2025 18:15

That might be how some men talk about women, but not all . I have never heard my husband say anything like this in over 10 years. Your BF is vile.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/12/2025 18:15

"Unkind?" Your standards are in the gutter. You deserve better than this.

HappiestSleeping · 21/12/2025 18:17

I find it distasteful, however it isn't a patch on how one of my ex and her girlfriends used to speak about men.

Regardless of what you read on here, both men and women are capable of some fairly base conversations. To some of us, it is unpalatable, but to others, it is normal it seems.

JHound · 21/12/2025 18:17

Does he do / say other misogynistic and sexist things?

I can certainly believe men are cruder when women are not around. In fact I know this. But for him to speak like this in front of you is quite disrespectful…

JHound · 21/12/2025 18:18

HappiestSleeping · 21/12/2025 18:17

I find it distasteful, however it isn't a patch on how one of my ex and her girlfriends used to speak about men.

Regardless of what you read on here, both men and women are capable of some fairly base conversations. To some of us, it is unpalatable, but to others, it is normal it seems.

WOMeN dO iT T0o!

Theclocksticking · 21/12/2025 18:18

Unkind? No.
Completely disgusting? Yes.

🤮

I would not be with him after that. He would have given me the ick.

martha4clark · 21/12/2025 18:19

Horrible, demeaning, misogynistic comment. How does he talk about you to his friends??

BennyHenny · 21/12/2025 18:19

Grim, I imagine he’s equally as disgusting when he’s talking about you 🤢

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 21/12/2025 18:20

It might well be normal for men to talk about women like that, especially the sort if man who doesn't really have any respect for women. But its not normal to do it in front of women. At least you know what your boyfriend is really like now.

Gotback · 21/12/2025 18:21

'That', not even 'Her'! As if she were an appliance, not a human being. That is a truly disgusting way for a man to refer to a woman. He is scum. And saying this in front of you means he thinks you are on this level with him; he thinks you're scum too.

You're so much better than this wanker. Get rid.

AgnesMcDoo · 21/12/2025 18:22

Your BF is a misogynist arsehole

HappiestSleeping · 21/12/2025 18:24

JHound · 21/12/2025 18:18

WOMeN dO iT T0o!

Show quote history

They absolutely do. We were at a group dinner and there were much worse comments a out what they'd do to one of the people working there 🤮

Taweofterror · 21/12/2025 18:25

HappiestSleeping · 21/12/2025 18:24

They absolutely do. We were at a group dinner and there were much worse comments a out what they'd do to one of the people working there 🤮

Show quote history

So? What's your point? That 2 wrongs make a right? That it's ok for men to be disrespectful about women because you've heard women being disrespectful about men?