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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners adult child just introduced new born baby to MIL, we had no idea

89 replies

Starsnsprinkles · 21/12/2025 16:59

Well technically not my MIL, as not formally married but my partner and I have been together for ever. His relationship has never been "healthy", kids never contact him to say hi or thank him for gifts. They are in there late 20's now but have maintained a relationship with my partner's mum. MIL just rang to say ones turned up on her door step with my partner's ex wife and a 10 week old baby. No one had any idea they were expecting.
Last contact was a text from said adult child saying "I think your a c**t" to my partner it really hurts him, we did not reply. Then heard from sibling they had mental health issues. Now this. MIL was giddy with excitement at meeting her great grandchild but we are dumb founded. I'm gutted for my partner, I don't know what to do (care kid with no bio family so no idea how families deal with this)
I want to at least send money but time of year, no address, partner has just lost job and I'm the only wage. I'm heartbroken
Is this non of my business? Should I step in? My partner is a lovely man but has issues expressing himself (autistic as am i) the pain is palpable. Can I even do anything to help?

OP posts:

Catza · 21/12/2025 17:04

None of your business, I'm afraid. I'd stay well out of it

rubyslippers · 21/12/2025 17:05

There’s probably a multitude of reasons why there’s no contact between anyone
i wouldn’t push or interfere - your DP can’t be surprised if he is estranged from his kids that he could also be with future grandchildren?

WallaceinAnderland · 21/12/2025 17:05

Stay out of it.

hannonle · 21/12/2025 17:07

I'm confused. The son has a baby with his ex step mum?

Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:07

Step in to do what exactly? He is an adult . It’s up to him to try to build bridges if thats what he wants.

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 17:07

Stay out of it. There's clearly a reason why he wasn't told.

NearlyMonday · 21/12/2025 17:08

Sorry, I can’t work out who has had a baby?

OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2025 17:08

There’s nothing you can or should do here. You’re nothing to any of those people and they’ll be angry if you get involved. (I don’t mean that nastily).

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Tdcp · 21/12/2025 17:08

If they wanted you both to know they would have contacted you. Don't do anything, it's not your business. If your partner wants to contact his kids then he can but it shouldn't be you.

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 17:08

NearlyMonday · 21/12/2025 17:08

Sorry, I can’t work out who has had a baby?

OP's partners' child had a baby.

Purplewarrior · 21/12/2025 17:08

Stay out of it.

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 17:09

hannonle · 21/12/2025 17:07

I'm confused. The son has a baby with his ex step mum?

No. OP's partners' child had a baby, and turned up to the MIL's house with their mother (OP's partners' ex).

Bagsintheboot · 21/12/2025 17:10

The best thing you can do is support your partner. Otherwise, stay out of it.

Evaka · 21/12/2025 17:12

To summarise:

Your partner has a difficult/borderline estranged relationship with adult kids in their 20s and one of them has become a parent. This is news to you, delivered by his own mum.

Appreciate that's hurtful but I wouldn't interfere OP. His child will have their reasons for not telling him and it's his relationship to manage.

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2025 17:13

Agree, stay out of it. Support your partner.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 17:15

Don't know why anyone would have a relationship with a man who doesn't have a good relationship with his kids.

It's not going to change now.

Thundertoast · 21/12/2025 17:19

OP, either your partner isnt being honest with you about the backstory or you arent being honest here...

ginasevern · 21/12/2025 17:25

I'm not sure I've got the gist of this, it's confusing. But I think you're saying that your DH is estranged from his children and one has just had a baby, so your DH is now a grandfather. The baby has been introduced to your husband's mother, but not your husband. Is that right? If he's estranged from this child (who actually sent him a text calling him a cunt) then I don't understand why you're both so dumb founded, even though you are autistic. Why aren't his children speaking to him and why are you supporting him financially?

outerspacepotato · 21/12/2025 17:28

Your partner is estranged from his kids and you can't fix this. Stay out of it.

JustMe2026 · 21/12/2025 17:29

Sounds like the problem is clearly your partner for a reason you aren't owning to since everyone else seems to be getting along fine whatever past or now relationships are.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 21/12/2025 17:34

What would you be stepping in to do exactly?

He hasn't stepped up to do anything to help the relationship with his kids, so it would be insulting to step up now his child is a parent.

Like they weren't worthy of salvaging a relationship with on their own.

Your partner just needs to keep pretending his children don't exist as he has been doing already.

Original poster

Starsnsprinkles · 21/12/2025 17:35

Firstly thank you for all taking the time to respond. I understand this isn't something I can "fix", I shall focus on my DP as suggested.
Many thanks again to all xxx

OP posts:

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 17:37

Stay out of it and so should your partner.
Don't wave money at them or you’ll never know if it’s just the money they’re being friendly for.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 21/12/2025 17:43

When women come on here and say they are with a man that is estranged from their adult children I cannot help but think they are probably the ones at fault for the relationship breakdown. If they are estranged then there is no reason why he would have been told as hurtful as it is for him. I would not do not send money or do anything here - leave them be.

StephensLass1977 · 21/12/2025 17:45

Why on earth would you want to send money to people who don't want you to know they had a baby almost three months ago, and who think you're a couple of c*unts? What would that achieve?

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