Partners adult child just introduced new born baby to MIL, we had no idea

[Starsnsprinkles]

Well technically not my MIL, as not formally married but my partner and I have been together for ever. His relationship has never been "healthy", kids never contact him to say hi or thank him for gifts. They are in there late 20's now but have maintained a relationship with my partner's mum. MIL just rang to say ones turned up on her door step with my partner's ex wife and a 10 week old baby. No one had any idea they were expecting.
Last contact was a text from said adult child saying "I think your a c**t" to my partner it really hurts him, we did not reply. Then heard from sibling they had mental health issues. Now this. MIL was giddy with excitement at meeting her great grandchild but we are dumb founded. I'm gutted for my partner, I don't know what to do (care kid with no bio family so no idea how families deal with this)
I want to at least send money but time of year, no address, partner has just lost job and I'm the only wage. I'm heartbroken
Is this non of my business? Should I step in? My partner is a lovely man but has issues expressing himself (autistic as am i) the pain is palpable. Can I even do anything to help?

Agree with this 👆

Totally this. His children don’t want to see him for a reason. Sorry OP but my parents would have had to do something pretty major for me to not want contact with them.

I would stay out of it, but in my head I would seriously be questioning how his children got to a point where they didn’t want to see him and why they call him a c#nt.

My thoughts too..
In fact my cousin had a baby this year and he hasn't told his father or his paternal grandmother about it. Father buggered off when my cousin was 3 because he got his side chick pregnant. That's not quite the grandfather they wanted for their baby.

And that was supposed to be helpful?

My mum used to say "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"
HTH

Yes actually it was.

It provide a clear outline of why OP find herself with this query. (The first sentence).

It also sign posts what's like to happen from here on. (The second sentence).

If you have any further enquiries, please hestitate to quote me again.

How awful to be estranged from his kids, but it happens.

Your DP needs to decide what to do, anything you do may be seen as interfering I'm afraid.

I hope it all works out and you do get to see and have a relationship with the baby.

Can you not read?

It's not your children's sibling's fault that he/she exists. Why would they not want a relationship?

Sounds complex. I’m always sceptical when adult children don’t speak to their parents just because I know there’s pretty much always a big backstory there and the parents tend to claim they don’t understand why.

They don't want you involved. Stay out of it.

Children don’t just go no contact with parents for no reason, stay out of it

Because they don’t don’t want a relationship with their dad and didn’t even know he had a new girlfriend or that he had made anyone pregnant. They also live in different countries and my kids are in their early 20s whilst their sibling is a baby. I doubt they will ever feel or act like siblings, but that’s on their dad who decided to keep it all a secret.

It sounds like they are in touch with their grand mother - this is totally normal. Perhaps the ex partner has known the (ex) in laws for years & kept in touch due to the children seeing them once their parents split.

I can’t work out why his child would send him a nasty text calling him unpleasant names. Do you know why they would do this?

I can’t work out why his child would send him a nasty text calling him unpleasant names. Do you know why they would do this?

Probably because they were hurting at that exact moment and felt like lashing out at someone who ignores them. And the DP ignored their text. I'm not saying it's nice but generally people say that when they are hurt.

There must be a reason your partner is estranged from his child. What sort of a father was he when the child was young?

Sound like adult kid(s) may have issues if their grandmother(MIL) also didn’t know about this.

Being autistic isn’t an excuse for being a crap dad. My stepdad apparently sexually abused his children because he’s autistic and ‘misread social cues’. 🙄 Nah, it doesn’t work like that. Lots of fantastic autistic parents who are lovingly engaged in parenting their children. This is his wound to heal though. You stay out of it. The last thing any new parent wants is the dad they don’t want around turning up when they should be enjoying time with their new baby. If they wanted you in their lives, they would have reached out.

Can you send a ‘congratulations’ card and a gift for the baby?

Or adult child been given untrue back story.

OP, were you involved with this man when he was still with the children's mother?

I'm wondering why they think he's a cunt

It's blindingly obvious why they wouldn't!

Jesus, don't do that!

Stay out of it. If the young mum had wanted her dad involved she could have arranged it. She really really doesn't need her dad's girlfriend involved.

Oh that old chestnut.