Husband told my sister to ‘fucking grow up’

[HusSisargument]

I’m stuck in the middle over something which happened last night. Myself and DH met up with my Dsis and her partner for a dinner in a local restaurant.

The service was a bit slow and DH was getting a bit fed up/hangry. When it eventually came out, everything was placed into the middle for us to share out (think Chinese/thai type meal).

DH immediately started serving items on to his plate and my Dsis basically asked him to stop so she could get a video. He asked why and she said so she could upload on her to her social media. He then said the fucking grow up comment and there was an awkward atmosphere.

DH hasn’t apologised and I’ve had a shitty text off Dsis today. Luckily we aren’t spending Christmas together.

I absolutely think DH was in the wrong but he’s protesting his innocence and said having waited long enough for the food to arrive he shouldn’t have been told he couldn’t eat it.

Team DH here. How crass to expect people to not eat while you video it for your SM. She does sound childish.

It’s all going to be a bit awkward now though. Best scenario is they apologise to each other for both being unreasonable in their own different ways. It’s not great to swear at an in law.

I’m with your dh too, @HusSisargument - it is just rude to expect people to wait for their food, letting it go cold, while some numpty films it for social media content. Take photos of your own plate, by all means (though I do still think that is pretty vapid and shallow), but don’t expect your social media to take precedent over people actually eating the meal they have been waiting for!

Team DH.

Perhaps he should have moderated his language (although I may well have said something similar) but that is it.

I get that your sister was annoying but there was really no reason your DH needed to be so aggressive and rude. He could’ve easily dealt with his annoyance in a better way. I would say he does need to apologise for this to be put to bed.

Okay your DH should have tempered his language a bit, but your sister is being ridiculous. You go out to eat and talk to who you're with, not post food on social media. It's rude and at that point I wouldn't have expected to wait to eat either! I might well have said the same to her.

I might not have said it out loud, but I definitely would have been thinking the same as your DH. I think your sister needs to accept that it is immature and rude to expect a very hungry person to stop eating so she can do a video for SM.

Video the food. How fucking rude and childish. No wonder society is screwed.

I suspect he spoke to her like that because this is likely a pattern where everything is expected to stall for her need for social media involvement.

Bear in mind here that he had already started serving the food and she demanded he put it back so she could take a video? Fucking grow up would have been the least of what I would have said to her.

But he’s a man, so I’m sure that someone will be along in a minute to tell the OP that he’s abusive in all other ways as well and she should LTB.

Your sister was in the wrong but he lost the high ground - would “don’t be pathetic Liz” have been ok or would she have a face on over the same sentiment without swearing ?

You're not responsible for your husband or your sister tell them to sort it out themselves

Good for DH. Maybe your sister will fucking grow up now.

I am surprised by all the team DH responses. The issue is his language. The DSIS is of course totally in the wrong. But swearing is over the top.

He's 100% right but delivery could be better.

People who photograph their food are annoying.

People who try to prevent others from eating their own food are a special form of pathetically self indulgent and vacuous.

Your DH was rude, but your sister is embarrassingly pathetic and does need to grow up. Who needs videos of food? Social media has a lot to answer for, but the suspension of intelligent thought is clearly her issue.

He shouldn’t have sworn at her but he has paid for his part of his food so he can serve it if he wishes.

I agree he should apologise for swearing but I think she should also apologise for being selfish, rude and infantile.
Never in my life have I been told not to eat because someone wants to video my food. We've all seen food before!!!!

I would have just said a flat no and continued serving myself. She should have served herself and taken a photo or video of just that.

Yeah, sorry team dh here too - he maybe could have worded it better (although I'm Scottish so unoffended by swearing) but your sister does indeed need to grow up.

going out for a meal with others isn't supposed to be about social media likes.

It’s not just one issue though, it’s two. They just need to apologise to each other and move on.

Team DH here. But perhaps it would have been better if he had not said anything and just ignore her!

I’m shocked that she thought that was an okay thing to say to a grown man!

I love taking photos of everything, including food. But I’d never ever ask anyone to facilitate that. If swearing if part of his everyday way of talking, I wouldn’t really bat an eyelid - however if he’s not normally one to swear and specifically said that in anger rather than jest it is a bit rude from him too.

With your DH am afraid. If you’re old enough to be out in a restaurant unaccompanied by a parent you’re old enough to know gramming your food is anti social

yeah but he's not apologising.

Also Team DH.

I can't stand it when people start taking photographs and videos of my food. It irritates me when they do it of their own food, but I despise it when they expect me to sit and watch my food go cold while they get the perfect snap for social media.

I also don't understand it. Who wants to see photographs of other people's food? Especially things as boring as a Chinese. I kinda understand when food is presented in an interesting way, but all the photos of Sunday roasts and greasy takeaways are part of the reason I stopped using Faceache. It's boring.

The language is only an issue depending on the context, which we don't have. Were the people involved here people who swear generally or not? Was it said with venom, or frustration, or resignation, or an attempt at ribbing humour? What was the tone?

If I said "fucking grow up" to my sil in an eye rolling, poking fun at her way because she's a 35 year old who cares about her insta hearts and it's an ongoing thing we rib her about. That would be fine.

If I said it in anger in front of front of my parents, or mil who think the word "damn" has come straight from the devil's arse. It would not be fine.