Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Actually I agree.

I was struggling with the 8 yorkshire puddings while others went without, but 200 people and hardly any left?

😳

He sounds like a revolting greedy pig. I’d plate up. You can’t have people ending up without and nor should you have to spend fortunes so he can stuff his greedy face

Grip or no grip, the fact remains that these two greedy gits are liable to serve themselves so much meat etc there'll be no chance of a reasonable serving for everyone else.
OP has only so much cooker space, even if she did have the budget for thirteen turkeys.
She has every right to seek the smoothest, least likely to go wrong way to organise this expansive dinner.
(Next year she and DH will stick to Welsh Rabbit with a sprig of holly, if they've any sense!)

@wrenjay But then everyone suffers. A ‘like it or lump it “ attitude is hardly in the Christmas spirit is it?

"oi, greedy bastard brother - leave some for the rest of us!"

Surely you just tell him?? No way would that go unmentioned in our family

I have a brother who can be a big eater. He’s not overweight though, just very muscular and spends a lot of time at the gym. The trick is to fill them with stodge before the main event. I bunged a frozen pepperoni pizza in the oven for him one Christmas Day, which he devoured about an hour before dinner was served. He hid in the kitchen eating it away from my mother’s disapproving looks 😁

I'd plate up. But also manage expectations in advance. "Hey bro, really looking forward to seeing you both. Just to warn you, we have 14 people coming for dinner and quite a small oven, so their won't be big portions on offer and only e.g. 2 pigs in blankets each. I don't want you to go hungry, so if you think you'll want extras do you want to bring yourself some extra food that doesn't need oven space? Or if you have an air frier you can bring with you, I would happily do you an extra batch of roast potatoes"

My BIl and wife came to ours:, I had carved the meat (beef) into slices. It was 3 slices each, including children (7), BIL said to his wife take as much as you like as i had always done plenty (when I carved I did 3 pieces each) and they were the first. When the plate of meat reach DH and I, they had taken so much we had only one slice between us! Last time they had first serving. I have a catering background, an am very generous with portions, i.e. children under 5, 2 or 3 thick slices as parents do not want to take more. Lots of different dishes, normally at least 2 types of potatoes, plus yorkshire puds, and onion puds, 3 or 4 veggies. If you have my dinner there is no way to go hungry, including vegatians. 20 sitting down UK.

She means he’s fat. No point beating about the bush. It would be a miracle if he wasn’t fat, considering how much he eats.

We always do plated meals. There is nothing childlike about that. It's making sure everyone has a fair amount and any extra can be added from platters.

Give him and his partner a good talking to as this selfishness and greediness has repercussions on everyone else at the table.
Be blunt and leave no uncertainty - if he can’t handle that then it’s best he stays away.
I really couldn’t be doing with this level of behaviour.

I agree with the pp who said do mash and roasties. This is what we do in Ireland and it helps sastisfy those with huge appetites.

I would have crisps/nuts/snacks out. Probably a wee round of blinis or crostini pre dinner. I would make the starter vegetable soup, with barley and lentils in (and have a tiny bowl myself- that is filling and I want space for the main event). Serve that with baskets of rolls. Plate dinner, but send out dishes of veg, mash, roasties.

I would have a tray of roasties, pibs and one of yorkies in the oven while eating to top up supplies. I would have the roasties and pibs a good bit of the way there in advance and have the second round of yorkies minis (i do in a mini muffin tin). Then that stuff only takes 10 mins.

I have fed 25 out of a single oven this way. I did have turkey and ham resting while I fid all the other oven stuff and I had some soup starters and some a prawn and salmon parcels, according to their preference. Good luck!

It sounds as if you are going to have to be brutally blunt to your brother, in advance of the meal. Tell him that the food you have is enough to feed 14 people, and everyone else is as entitled to the food as he is so he is NOT to take it all. I'd ask him to serve himself and his partner AFTER everyone else, and to still leave some for others to possibly have seconds not just hoover the whole lot up.

If he is so lacking in self-awareness, the you will have to supplement by imposing your awareness on him. Actually, yes - I'd plate up rather than do a buffet, unless you're keen on pissing off everyone else there.

This. Needs must.

I think it's quite cruel to have let him get to this age without saying something, especially knowing he is aware he rubs people up the wrong way and you say he feels so negatively about that, haven't you or someone else talked to him about social etiquette?
I mean most people of reasonable intelligence that are large are aware if there is an underlying reason and to be fair this does sound like a reaction to his awful childhood but from what you say he seems nonplussed.
If he keeps going at this rate he won't be here for many Christmases will he.

I cook for a friend with serious “food noise” and eats endlessly. You have my sympathy. But kindly I’d say it’s your house, your rules. Don’t allow him to dominate the portions of meat / cheese etc: as others have suggested a few types of potatoes, loads of veg and double your gravy expectation. Good luck - it’s awful watching someone eat to excess at your own dinner table.

This is the problem with not using the words that reflect reality. If you call him 'big' and not, as seems likely, 'enormously fat' - do you also say 'don't you think that's a bit much' instead of 'FFS what do you think you're doing ?!? That's to feed everyone, not just you two greedy fuckers!'.

Because if you do, you're kind of facilitating the problem.

If you are hosting someone with a big appetite then you have to provide sufficient food to satisfy that appetite. Christmas Day is not the day to force someone to go on a diet. If that's the amount of food he's used to then he's genuinely hungry and unhappy if he isn't allowed that amount. You don't do that to someone you love on Christmas Day. Resetting that appetite is the work of months - work that it's up to him to choose.

Which means if you are feeding 14 you need to cater as if there were 18-20 people. If your oven isn't big enough, buy or borrow a big air-fryer or add lots of food that doesn't need an oven.

It's not your job to decide when he's going to start eating less. In future only invite him when you have a feasible plan to feed him.

Great ideas!!!!

Dish up so it’s not an issue, if you have to have stuff on the table, get the cheap veg and put that on the table.

Extra Yorkshire puddings, extra side of mash potatoes, extra pigs n blankets - anything you can reasonably pad out cheaply
I would mention portion sizes just suggest they bring their own snacks as you are cooking on a budget

Have a blunt chat. They're being very rude. If they get offended, that's on them.

Do they eat like this at home?...... because Ive met people who absolutely stuff themselves stupid if invited out to eat or go to someone else's house, but who are quite mean when at home.

I think serving up school dinner style would help. Guests come up and you stand behind a counter (or next to it) and dish up as people come up.

Serve up adequate portions and if DB wants more tell him to come up for seconds once everyone has been served.

I’d have a cheese course ready for after the roast and before a pudding which may help.

In that case I would serve up the plates. Give everyone a reasonable portion of everything and have self serving dishes for extra Yorkshire's, stuffing, potatoes, veg, gravy and meat if there is any left. So everyone gets a decent meal and there are extras for your brother and boyfriend to fill their plates with others not missing out on a bit of everything.