Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

He doesnt feel that guilty if he keeps being selfish does he?

I had a relative who behaved like this.
It was impossible to fill him up and many people tried.
The amount of food he could inhale was incredible!!
He always appeared to be completely unaware of anyone else when it came to food, digging in and loading his plate as high as he could, and the speed he ate at was phenomenal!! I don't recall seeing him chew a single mouthful, he would just gulp it down.
Regardless of how much food was on offer, it was never enough and eventually, people would plate his food up to prevent him guzzling the majority of it.
Even when his food was plated up, on a large serving platter, until it was falling off of the sides, it still wasnt enough to fill him up.
I remember one Christmas dinner where he was a guest, and he was presented a dinner with 3 different meats, at least 8 roast potatoes, a massive amount of veg, 3 large Yorkshire puddings, stuffing, lots of pigs in blankets, and in a quest to satisfy his appetite, we also had mashed potatoes, of which he had an enormous portion, probably 4 serving spoons worth and immediately after inhaling it all, he piped up and asked 'Is there a chippy open on Christmas day anywhere? I'm starving!' 😲

So, IME, I wouldn't attempt to fill him up. I would probably plate up the food and accept that however much you serve, it wont be enough.

I definitely wouldn't give him free reign over a buffet style dinner.
That's how we have had to adapt with our relative, because he is so unaware of anyone else when the food comes out.

I'm not sure if this had anything to do with my relatives insatiable hunger but he was quite slim too, but lived on sausages, burgers, chips and pizzas, and even large pizza's wouldn't satisfy his hunger for long.

Call him out. 'Oi, greedy guts. You're not the only person here!' Who behaves that way!? Disgusting gluttonous pig.

I hear Nessa from Gavin and Stacey when I read this!

I'm loving the casual solutions like "just tell him" or "fill him up with mash". It must be so nice to have never met this specific type of greed before. It's not "I'm still hungry" it's more, possessiveness of all the food, but also all the BEST food. The pigs in blankets, the meat, the gravy. Relegating him to carrots and mash would be an affront and OP would never hear the end of her "stingy" xmas with "rationed" portions.

It's eating disorder territory but the kind that is often allowed to run unchecked because others are too shocked to tell them straight that it isn't normal, let alone that it's rude and stressful for the host.

Have you got- or could you borrow- an air fryer? I would also be buying the 8p veg and making loads of parsnips, roasties, and budget Yorkshires, and have those ready to reheat in the AF during the meal. That you’ve plated up.
I get the serving bowls hot as poss then put the sides in, cover with foil then clean tea towels and it stays hot while I’m plating. Extra carbs,Yorkshires, mash and veg could go on the table. If you’ve got time before, a tray of dauphinoise potatoes might bulk things out.
Sounds like you’ll need a huge vat of gravy too!
I hope it goes well. Please come back and update us.

Definitely plate everything up in the other room. If you’re putting out things to be shared, make sure you tell everyone how many they can have. “There are X number of pigs in blankets, that means 4 each, please make sure you don’t take more than that as that will mean other people will have to go without.”

Just be matter of fact about it and as if you’re addressing the whole table, but ensure he hears. If he hasn’t noticed that him having more means other people have less then perhaps pointing it out in a kind but straight forward way will help shed a bit of light without making him feel self conscious?

If he complains there isn’t enough then I’d second others’ suggestions to have lots of easy to bulk out servings like garlic bread - things you can say, don’t worry, I’ll pop more in the oven they’ll be ready in a moment. Importantly that will also take 5-10 minutes, which will give him time to digest and for it to hopefully register that he’s feeling full. Lots of people eat lots because they eat fast, and don’t realise they’re full.

Good luck OP, it sounds hard to navigate with sensitivity and kindness but it’s not fair for him and his partner to have so much others go without either.

Assuming budget isn't too much of a barrier and your kitchen isn't a commercial one, the biggest problem will be oven & hob space. It's enough of a hassle getting everything ready at the same time, without having to cook in relays.

The answer has to be baked goods, preferably shop bought, that are good at any temperature. Sausage rolls, pasties, pies, assorted kinds of bread ... put them out before the meal, have more in reserve and stick plates of them next to your gluttons at the table.

I think you will have to serve the main dishes plated, unless you can stretch to an extra roast - maybe a cheaper one, like pork or chicken (or both!) - that you've cooked first and kept warm. If you can put that right in front of these two along with the baked extras, maybe even saying they're for the pair with the 'hearty appetites', it should keep them busy enough until everyone else has served themselves a decent meal.

I can understand that, despite their extraordinary capacity, you'd want them to end the day with the same feeling of having feasted that we want for every Christmas guest.

Good luck!

Ha, excellent!

There must come a point where they get sick though, I mean even if they ate through that feeling their stomachs or large intestines would perforate surely?

Why did you say something so nasty?

Did it make you feel better about yourself to say something so cruel about someone who has clearly had a very difficult life and has obvious issues?

OP, I’d cook loads of potatoes and veg and put them on the table, then dish up the meat and stuffing and yorkshires and gravy anything that’s a bit limited. For example, if you haven’t the oven space to do loads of roast potatoes, put two or three on each plate, and have mash on the table so there is an element of help yourself, but everyone should get enough of the good stuff. If you see him loading his plate, SAY SOMETHING. It’s simply unacceptable, and immensely rude, for one or two people to take so much that others end up going without.

Too much of the plain speaking for you?
Ok, how about 'I wouldn't want to enable someone with an obvious eating disorder'?

“Landwhale” isn’t plain speaking, it’s plain nasty. Common mistake.

Give everyone a plate of everything, then it's shared equally. Tell him and his partner to bring some food too-mince pies, chocs, cakes , nibbles etc, and if they are still hungry, then wheel out what they have brought for them to eat! Totally unaccptable to eat you out of house and home! Next time, you go to theirs,invite yourselves! and pig out at their expense!!!

Hilarious! Especially the eating cheese for 200 people. 😀

Is this bloke massively obese? Can’t see how he can’t be. Plate up all the meals yourself. It’ll do the greedy pig good to have a day off from stuffing his face.

Great. I'm imagining Christmas dinner with you shoving food into the anorexic's mouth, yelling "Swallow that, stick insect!" on repeat. You must be a popular host.

This and loads of veg and gravy with Yorkshire puds.

Definitely get someone to help you serve and only give an allocated amount - your brother and his partner sound like greedy pigs. And I’d be tempted to comment.

you’ll have plate up the expensive or fancy stuff and then let them have as much veg and carbs as they can have @xAwaywiththefairiesx

We have some family members who always stuck up their plates and go back for seconds and thirds. When we host which we will be doing this Christmas, we now serve the meat on the plate for everybody and put out all the sides and extra stuff as a buffet. Even then we’ve started to limit the serving dishes and top up again as needed to make sure everyone gets some of everything.

We always make plenty of food but it’s sooooo annoying when 2/3 people overeat - they are also the ones who want a doggy bag to take home!

We asked for contributions one year from each family - there’s about 30 of us so it’s expensive hosting. The big eaters kept asking what they paid £50 for as it all looked the same food as last year and made sure they ate more than normal! Wanted to scream, yes mate that’s what it costs us every year - we spend a few hundred pounds to feed you all while you turn up with a £5 box of chocolates

fun and games eh!

Or his father perhaps?

Just from reading your OP, I feel sick. I wouldn't spend my Christmas dinner with someone so greedy that they're shovelling other people's portions into their mouths. No one needs 8 yorkshire puddings. It's disgusting.

Sorry, I've had an incredibly busy evening. I thought it would be a good idea to wait until 10pm to brave Tesco and do my shop because it would be "quiet" haha. That didn't work.
I haven't yet managed to get through all replies but I will and thank you so much for all suggestions. I'm so grateful as I honestly thought people were going to be mean to me and say I'm horrible to my brother.

I just wanted to quickly update that I've been discussing this over WhatsApp with two of my sisters and both have given similar suggestions to what's on here, they've also agreed to be "on watch" along with their husbands and my husband to make sure he is regulated and kept in check!!

Sis also reminded me of another story - a time when he ate half a trifle but not he half you would think, the top half! 🤣 He apparently doesn't like the stuff on the bottom half so he just grabbed the entire trifle and ate the whole top half then left the rest. WTF 🤣 So Im really not sure he has a condition like Prada willi (sp?) because surely in that case he would eat everything in sight. He is capable of leaving stuff he doesn't like.

Oh and I STG they really did eat that much cheese at the wedding. They picked up wedges of brie and ate them like they were slices of cake.

Will go back and RTFT now, thanks again xx

He sound selfish and vile. I'm amazed what people will tolerate, but that wouldn't be stood for in my house. I can't believe you find it funny?

Tell them they need to consider having a sandwich on the way up if they think they’ll need to eat for more than potion and you’ll be serving the same portions to each adult - it’s rude, it’s greedy and I would take his plate away and embarrass him if he starts behaving like a starved caveman