Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Why on Earth shouldn’t she plate in the kitchen? How much does that differ from a paterfamilias carving at the head of the table, and sending round everyone’s plates loaded with meat?

But whatever the practice might be in the best homes, this present problem calls for extreme measures, and if plating up means Auntie Gladys isn't denied her little bit of dark meat, then so be it. (Big Brother can always have the Parson’s Nose as a treat)
Teaching this man table manners isn’t OP’s concern, as it’s a bit late now anyway, and he must surely know other civilised folk on the planet eho coykd advise him.
Her sole focus (for her own sanity, and indeed the domestic economy) should be ensuring the smooth running of her festive meal, by whatever means necessary.

They were insensitive but I appreciate the apology, thank you x

You serve everyone their plates because you're the hostess with the mostest!
And if possible what about serving on smaller plates?
I'm assuming he doesn't have a weight problem because honestly I don't understand how you'd eat that much and still want more so also do plenty of veg and slap it on his plate

You say his partners the same?
There could be something about the way they're "wired" about food and I think they both gee eachother along
Joke out loud you're going to ask for
cash contributions soonish when you have gatherings as everything's expensive and you're not made of money
Do you have any idea how he is in his own home?
I think you'll have to speak firmly to his partner and him, I imagine theyll deny or say you're picking on them
So say it may be best they stay away if that's how they feel
But stick to your guns
And I wish you good luck
Christmas be a coming

Like everyone has said, plate up fully. Do as many potatoes and veg as possible, and put SOME of the leftover veg /potatoes on the table.
When everyone has finished eating, ask if anyone would like some more. At that point, serve the remaing food around the table to anyone who wants it.
Same for starters, dessert, etc. If you have nibbles before dinner, then get someone to pass them around who will whip the plate away from anyone who stacks loads up.

If theyre arriving early or likely to stay late, then have sandwiches or similar on hand.

I wonder if I work with him?!
Bloke at work is legendary for how much he can eat. We do buffets for various occasions a few times a year. People bring a dish or give a donation for pizza and samosas and Costco stuff. Always too much food.
Work bloke CAN NOT REST while there is food available. Massive wobbling mountains of food. Stuff that doesn’t go together like humus with coleslaw and curry and sandwiches all crammed together. (I sit next to him and hard not to notice). Then he’s back up again and again.
The sweet tins and biscuits are out now and he’s casually up and down constantly and grabbing handfuls when he goes past. It’s obviously some kind of issue with food. Maybe he was hungry as a child. How can people eat that much?! I don’t think it’s as simple as greed. It’s a sort of anxiety. Can’t miss out.

Give him a smallish plate so his portions are limitec. Send the food round anticlockwise starting from the person to his right, so he gets the serving dishes last. Alternatively, plate up in the kitchen. Leave an extra bowl of roasties and yorkshires near him.
(There is actually a disorder where people have a compulsion to eat everything they see. Can't remember what it's called. Bit more complicated than sheer greed, I think.)

I would plate up the main meal and then have dishes on the table for seconds. I prefer to do it buffet style too, but it isn’t going to work if he really can’t or won’t moderate himself.

I am sceptical about his total lack of awareness. People must have commented many times, and they can’t both have failed to notice that others are going without while all the food is on their plates, in a range of different scenarios over a period of years. Maybe you need to be less sensitive about his feelings and learn to be a bit blunter? I have to tell ds2 “no more than 5 until everyone has had some, please”. I’m not going to just let him hog all of something, even if being told is uncomfortable for him.

Serve up plated and do as many potatoes as you can. TBH they sound greedy.

I think some of the comments on here are disgusting.

Its very clear that there is something far more than just greed and selfishness going on here. No one eats like that without big underlying issues.

As for some of the suggestions of shaming him in front of the other guests, that is utterly appalling and those that suggested it should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

The OP has shared some details of what was clearly a very difficult childhood for her and her siblings, they clearly had a lot of struggles. Is it any wonder that this man has taken that with him into adulthood?

DB took one of my mum's serving plates, making a funny comment about how small her plates were. He acted like what he was doing was the most normal and natural thing in the world and had no idea why people were bothered. I had no Yorkshires at all on my plate and was most put out.

And it's BIL, not SIL xx

Can you send out a preliminary message and say something like, I have budgeted for X amount of turkey, X yorkshire puddings, X carrots and parsnips, X sprouts and X gravy for everybody this year, I hope that is plenty, however to keep things fair if there is anything you feel you'll be missing out on for christmas this year, please bring it along and I will make space in the fridge/freezer so you can have the little bits you're looking forward to this christmas.

I am also a bigger girl, but I have some relatives that I just could not financially or physically make food fast enough for too, and holding them financially accountable is the only way to curtail them digging into other peoples things.

Prada Willi Syndrome

People with the condition dont get the "you are full" signal, it can go hand in hand with learning difficulties.

Sorry but this is absolutely ridiculous.

Someone needs to tell him to stop being so utterly selfish and greedy.

Never mind worrying about filling him up.

He needs to know he is NOT more important than everyone else.

When you say he's 'big' do you mean very tall & muscular OP?

Do it buffet style as you normally would then hand plates out to your guests making sure your DB and partner are at the back of the queue.

You serve everyone their plates because you're the hostess with the mostest!
And if possible what about serving on smaller plates?
I'm assuming he doesn't have a weight problem because honestly I don't understand how you'd eat that much and still want more so also do plenty of veg and slap it on his plate

You say his partners the same?
There could be something about the way they're "wired" about food and I think they both gee eachother along
Joke out loud you're going to ask for
cash contributions soonish when you have gatherings as everything's expensive and you're not made of money
Do you have any idea how he is in his own home?
I think you'll have to speak firmly to his partner and him, I imagine theyll deny or say you're picking on them
So say it may be best they stay away if that's how they feel
But stick to your guns
And I wish you good luck
Christmas be a coming

So that would make 600 - 800 smallish slices. And OP's brother and his partner ate so much there was hardly any left for any one else?
Fucking hell. They should be in the Guiness Book of Records.

Can the starter be more filling? Large soup bowls and crusty bread?

Put salad out in the table as bubbles whist the food cooks? Or similar?

Most people wait to save room for dinner.

Buy some frozen cocktail sausages as pad out the chipolatas.

Ask adults to wait whilst the parents dish up the kids food

Have extra puddings available for after.

Plate everyone's portion even if they get it cold: tuff as it is. Put extras in bowls far from them. even gravy. I worked in catering the saying was "give them plenty, one each, you are feed not to fatten". That is what you will be doing and will very much look good to the majority of your guests. They are greedy pigs, do not entertain their fat bellies and overfed egos.

So I would plate up everyone with the same amount to start so everyone gets a bit of everything. Then put out plate of extras like roast potato's and yorkies so they can fill up on those. Don't let anyone go without.

I don't believe for a second he ate enough food to feed 200 people. It sounds like they like very big portions, not that there's not enough food to satisfy them. Get a grip.

And treat everyone like a Child? I wouldn’t be happy at being handed a plated meal. It’s not a restaurant

And also leads to beheading your second wife (and only narrowly missing ditto the sixth because you’d died of this endless excess), and stealing all the monasteries’ riches, according to many modern historians!

Indeed it isn’t. You are a non-paying guest, and should show a bit of gratitude instead of ☹️ at receiving a ready-loaded plate of delicious food.
Aren’t you overlooking OP’s very legitimate concerns?

No, I don't mean that