Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

I can’t stand greed like this. I’d plate it up myself or be ready to say loudly “can you just take a few each so everyone gets some thank you!”

Im surprised anyone still invites the greedy fuckers to any food related events, I certainly wouldn't be 😉

Either plate it up or take it in turns serving yourselves with him and partner last. Just hide their plates until everyone else has got what they want. Or give them side plates.

No you shouldn’t plate up the dinner for 14 people. I wouldn’t like being given a portion for so many reasons, and besides there are adults there too.

what you should do is speak to him about his really greedy ways. And he can pass the message on to his partner. If they get offended in response to a very reasonable ask, then they can choose not to come.

I would serve the food before it goes out, I don’t let it be a free for all. It’s expensive and you’re already feeding a LOT of people. It’s portioned out and that’s it. That or everyone pays or being something if they want more and more. They sound really greedy. Most people are embarrassed to be grabbing a load of food. Maybe they don’t have much to eat at home, or they are tight and take total advantage when it’s free for them

How do you cope in restaurants then?

Please just do this. He needs telling, the selfish git. And doesn't sound like they're the type to fill up on vegetables ... You will have enough to do without cooking a ton of extra stuff for this greedy and selfish pair.

Make more food 😄 and dont make a big deal of it at all

Potatoes, veg, Yorkshires, cheap meat and desserts

Maybe not so simple as you know him, but its tough being awkward and being made to feel that way by everyone

Your brother and his DP are not so old that they can't understand if told they are being greedy when they are sharing a meal with others.
If he's bothered about what people think of him then he needs to become more aware of what is sociably acceptable. So if he rubs people up the wrong way he is probably being rude without realising because its never been pointed out to him before especially if he was lacking attention when he was younger.
So remind him that there are 14 people at the dinner table and he will need to be mindful of them and limit his self serving portions. As another PP pointed out this excess of eating is rooted in his past so if you plate up meals you can limit what they get - his helping himself to 9 Yorkshire Puddings is gluttony and extremely selfish.
He is definitely lacking the table etiquette but it's not too late to learn.

I read that 3 times and had the same reaction 😆.

I wonder what Christmas dinner is like in this posters house if they have guests?

Do they expect them to bring all meals with them and beg for some cheese on toast or something similar if they get hungry when it’s not designated meal times?

I’d hate to visit someone who would WhatsApp me saying food was rationed due to the cost of it. I’d feel uncomfortable bringing my own food and cooking it when I’m hungry but wouldn’t want to eat anything the host provided because I’d worry they are judging the amount I eat and resent providing it.
If you can’t afford guests then don’t host, that’s preferable from warning them off eating unless they have a handbag full of sandwiches.

Can you imagine having 5 guests who all sit and eat a separate meal they brought with them?! 😂.
Would they need to bring disposable plates and cutlery because of high energy costs using the dishwasher to clean them afterwards?

I’d hate a greedy guest like OP’s brother but my sister was equally greedy when she tried to charge her guests for Christmas dinner one year, that was a very tense evening!
I had brought stacks of presents for her and my BIL and her kids and she gave me and me my DP a chocolate orange (between us not each) saying she wasn’t doing presents as she’d spent money on hosting.
So she got out of buying gifts then tried to charge us anyway?!
My mum had paid for and brought side dishes (roast potatoes, stuffing, pigs in blankets and a ham.) My BIL’s dad had paid for the Turkey, I was told to bring a pudding and everyone brought their own alcohol to drink so she’d hardly paid for anything anyway.
I ended up helping with cooking and serving because my sister got in such a state then my mum and Dp were “volunteered” for all the washing up and tidying because my sister said she was too exhausted from doing the cooking and hosting.

My Dsis wanted £15 each from 7 guests which I reckon would have been quite a hefty profit.

I would plate the meat and cook extra of everything else. I'd also serve them last with the meat so that everyone else has time to get the roasties, Yorkshires, veg etc they want. It IS difficult: my oldest friend's husband eats like this, we go out in a group of four to all you can eat buffets and he'll eat twice as much as everyone else put together, no exaggeration. It's not hunger or greed, it's compulsion.

Since you are having 14 I would always encourage everyone to bring something. I cater for 10 and I find you always have to over cater as people do like to indulge.

The only way around this is to plate the food up and have someone running the plates to the table. They can then serve children and elderly relatives first so that your brother and partner cannot barge there way to the front of the queue.

I would leave have extra veg on the table which people can help themselves to. I would leave some leftovers out in the kitchen which people can help themselves to but hide some in the oven. If after your brother and his partner gorge all the leftovers and great aunt Maud asks if you have any more pigs in blankets you can sudden find the ones you have forgotten in the oven.

Desserts can be played up by yourself in bowls and then taken to the table, so that everyone gets a decent serving first.

I wouldn’t try to satisfy either of them as that is not possible. All you need to do is make sure everyone has a nice meal.

Yeah, theres really no choice, and if there were, it’d make an already frenetic meal serving even more fraught, with so many people’s satisfaction to be seeing to without fretting about yer man and his equally greedy mate.
So plate up the important and precious stuff for each diner, and let him have at bowls of ‘spare’ stuff from the sideboard if he is not sated: ( youll have to devise a gravy rationing plan!)

Padding out the veg à l’Irlandaise (ie roast, mashed, and steamed spuds!) is the overstretched cook’s secret weapon.
Make the mash into old-fashioned Irish stuffing perhaps, adding just butter, parsley, and lightly sweated chopped onion. Or add some softened shredded kale, = champ.
Mashed parsnips offered along with roasted ones are fab too, if you add a good pinch of turmeric, some butter, and white pepper. Rich deep yellow, it looks great and tastes marvellous, very mid-Winter earthy; dryish, and not sloppy.

What a pain though. (And fancy his luck, finding a soulmate with this identical bottomless greed! Ain’t romance fine?)

Behaviour like this is usually much deeper than just greed, lack of social skills (aka literally eating to avoid interaction) previous food insecurity, a twisted view on manners/appreciation (aka I must eat the food so they know I like it).

Honestly, just prepare lots of filler food like other people have suggested.

And maybe in the new year have a google on how to discuss the topic with your brother.

Utter bollocks. It's Christmas dinner, of course people will be hungry.

Additionally, you mean 'brought', not 'bought'.

It's bring and brought (as in fetch)
It's buy and bought (as in purchase).

As everyone else has said, just plate the dinner up. There's always so much more food at Christmas, crisps, dips, nuts, cheese, chocolate. He won't be starving.

I would allow at least enough for a double portion for these two plus mid morning sausage rolls, crisps, nuts etc. But also plate up for everyone and offer seconds to others first if you can.

Why can’t you announce when everyone has arrived that you have worked out the food precisely for everyone and will be dishing up the food and no one is to help themselves because it means someone will have to will have to go without.

if foe any reason someone wants more food you are happy to provide cereal or toast.

Serve everyone their plates. And don't host him again.

Boyfriend x

Even if it was half a smallish slice each, that's a HUINDRED SLICES.

I would serve the meat and Yorkshires on the plate and then the veg as a buffet style on the table.

They really are perfect for each other, like two halves of the same person. Not just the food thing, but in every way. Which is absolutely lovely for him and I'm so happy they have each other.

Just FFS slow down 🤣

This happens in our family but we all just say oi, that mash has to serve all of us! You don't want him to be hungry but if he's already had two hefty portions you've more than generously hosted him.

I dont think she’s worried about him going hungry…