Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Just reading your updates. Does your brother have autism? Or show signs of autism. Or you and siblings have thought they are autistic. My nephew's are autistic and so is my BIL and DH. BIL, DH and one of the nephews do not recognise hunger or full cues. All 3 have to be reminded to eat (they don't recognise they are hungry) or else they go for nearly a whole day without eating. DN has an alarm to remind him to eat when away from home or school. DH once didn't eat for over 30hrs and never felt hungry.

On the other hand they also don't recognise when they are full and will keep eating until all the food is gone. I once went to an all you can eat buffet with BIL and DH and they ate 10 piled high platefuls before SIL and I told them to just stop as it was getting embarrassing. Mixed with parents who insisted on clean plates every meal time and times in childhood where food was scarce it is a perfect storm of binge disordered eating. All 3 are perfectly able to leave any food alone they don't like, but the ones they do like they will gorge and eat until it is gone. DH has been on a carnivore diet since last January (don't ask, more disordered eating) but is giving it up for Christmas and I just know he is going to absolutely gorge the Christmas food.

SIL and DN school have done a lot of work on portion sizes and appropriate amounts of food to eat (DN would eat his entire birthday cake in 1 go). DN, DH and BIL also go round asking people if they have finished eating things that they like and will take off plates - only with family as they have been told explicitly it is rude. DN would also do the same as your brother with the trifle and serve himself just the bit he liked but take the whole lot of the bit he liked without thinking about others.

If you’re willing and happy could you cook them a joint / chicken to themselves the day prior and fridge it.

Microwave it under some gravy on the day.

Doesn’t fix the issue overall but as said Christmas Day isn’t the day to go to war over it.

Ask him for a donation - money - to help you cover the costs of his mega consumption

I am finding all of these “fill them up with soup and potatoes” answers to be ludicrous.

They’re not eating loads and loads because they are hungry. They are eating because they can and because they like to.

I would grab a few bags of the 5p veg on offer this week and give them their own tureen/platter, plus a bag of cheap yorkies if you wish. You can plate the meat, stuffing and pigs in blankets so everyone has a fair share.

I hope it goes well for you.

Plate up the dinners and anything leftover can be offered as extras for those who want more.

Reminds me of my BIL for similar behaviour.
We were living abroad and family came to stay. Hosted a dinner all together and thought I would buy in food to save hassle. 20 people including 7 children so I bought 20 people’s worth of set meals from an excellent Lebanese place we knew. Should have been plenty because of the children eating less.

So lots of grilled meats and kofte etc with tons of baba ganoush, hummus, breads, cheeses.
BIL announced he was low carbing and took a mountain of the meat. ALL the grilled lamb and loads of the other meats. Probably 1/3 of all the meat. Sat and pontificated about how bad carbs are while we all made do with the bread and sides. 😒

This is where I differ from many posters in that I would definitely not be buying and cooking more food in order to accommodate two specific people’s greedy behaviour. I would buy a normal amount and plate it up so that there was no option but for everyone to eat what they are given, which would be more than enough. No way would I be facilitating such selfishness.

I suspect brother and partner never host the family themselves and just live off other people’s generosity but I could be wrong. Maybe they are incredibly generous, buy the OP and her family lovely, thoughtful gifts and make sure the OP’s generosity is reciprocated later in the year. I doubt it though!

But why didn't you call him out and hoik the meat back?

Why out up with greedy selfish men?

There's eating loads, and there's being greedy and taking 8 out of 12 pigs in blankets just for yourself on the first round when you know there's 6 people eating.

Having autism doesn't excuse the greed and selfishness and lack of manners

I don’t think I would invite someone that eats 9 pigs in blankets and 8 Yorkshire puddings when not everyone has their plates filled tbh. He’s greedy, that’s completely ludicrous. I’m not fat shaming but that’s properly greedy and selfish behaviour. If he knows then need that much food he should eat before he arrives or bring some additional snacks.

I literally cannot think of a solution to this, maybe you could quietly invite everyone else up to fill their plates first?

Oh yeah never thought if that. Perfect idea OP! Just plate it up for everyone.

You wouldn't just tell him he's a greedy fucker and he needs to realise the 18 pigs in blankets are for 6 people,so he can only take 3 max at first?

Do people really only make 12 pigs in blankets for 6 people? I’m doing 48 for 6 of us and it’ll still be a scramble for the last one 😂

Sounds like you could plate up meat/yorkshires/pigs in blankets and then put big dishes of vegetable, gravy, extra sausages on the table. And honestly I would say '4 sausages each or whatever' and serve them seconds too so they can't pig the lot.

Sorry but being a greedy pig is unacceptable. When you are invited for dinner you have to consider others including the cost.
I'd plate up a bit of food for everyone
but not indulge his greed or hers. Not acceptable

Not read whole thread but make sure they drink plenty before dinner.

Plate it up and say how much there is per person I.e there’s enough for 2 yorkies each, there’s 6 roasties each’ etc. Then if they end up looking for more you can say no sorry that’s all there was for everyone.

Is there a shortage of food? We cook so much at Christmas, birthdays etc, whoever is hosting, and expect people to eat to their heart's content. And that includes the overeaters.
There will also be a few doggy bags going out the door too.

Not the point. I'm sure people are serving plenty of food.

If someone took half the potatoes and didn't leave enough for everyone else, that's the problem

Buy or make some root vegetable mash and put a huge helping on their plates. Serve everyone and the allow them to add more afterwards. Have dinner rolls on the table. Give them big cups of something fizzy before and offer filling canapés as that will also fill them up a bit too. Buy cheap pudding for them to have too. Bring that out first and then bring out the more expensive one so everyone can try it…

Very gently and not wanting to be, or sound, judgemental but what is being eaten is crazy and very unhealthy.
I am wondering if they are 'bears' on the gay scene which would mean being on the larger side is a requirement.
I am only posting this as a possible reason for their behaviour because there has to be an underlying reason or motivation for eating that amount of food, I have never heard anything like it!

Bears on the gay scene because they eat a big Christmas dinner?
One never knows what might be said next in a Mumsnet thread.
It’s hilarious.

Is your brother a pig?🐖

No, but he might be a bear.