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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2025 23:55

Just regarding your family history, it could well be an eating disorder caused by childhood trauma & neglect. If you are close to him, would you feel comfortable privately suggesting to him an eating disorder and/or childhood trauma therapist?

I'm a big believer in getting to the root cause of issues, in order to heal or solve a problem.

As others have suggested, I'd serve the plates, good job on your siblings and BILs for helping to guard the precious food offerings 😂

Cornishclio · 21/12/2025 00:03

Serve it up rather than people helping themselves. They sound very rude and inconsiderate and just greedy.

dottymac · 21/12/2025 00:04

He sounds like a proper greedy b@stard. Gluttony and selfishness in one fully grown man - eww.

Peclet · 21/12/2025 00:08

You’re a better person than me as I wouldn’t be able to sit and watch such gluttony. It’s very very revolting.

Plate it up. Hide the spare serving platters, keep some reserve roasties. Good luck to you!!

JaneGrint · 21/12/2025 00:09

I normally like to do roasts in a buffet style too, but in these circumstances I would absolutely be plating up in advance in a separate room to make sure everyone else gets their fair share of the meal.

At least as far as the most popular stuff goes.

Maybe have extra veg in bowls on the table for people to help themselves too, most people would be less bothered about someone hogging the carrots or Brussels sprouts.

It does sound like there’s some sort of eating disorder going on though. This isn’t normal behaviour at all.

TinselTitts · 21/12/2025 00:10

Peclet · 21/12/2025 00:08

You’re a better person than me as I wouldn’t be able to sit and watch such gluttony. It’s very very revolting.

Plate it up. Hide the spare serving platters, keep some reserve roasties. Good luck to you!!

If what the OP says is true, it doesn't make her a better person.

In fact none of the 'on lookers' who put up with this selfish shit are better people.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2025 00:12

Springisintheairohyeah · 20/12/2025 19:08

I'd probably plate up the expensive/tastiest/limited bits (meat, yorkies, stuffing, pigs in blankets etc.) then just make lots of extra veg and put that out for them to pad their plates with. That way not too controlling, but you're making sure he doesn't get the lion's share of the good stuff

yeah this would be my approach I think. the stuff they like to take takes take, dish up. the stuff that's comparatively cheap and you can make tons of, leave buffet style. plate them up extra stuffing, and maybe get some cheaper joints of mean to supplement.

Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 00:21

Theslummymummy · 20/12/2025 21:45

I don't believe for a second he ate enough food to feed 200 people. It sounds like they like very big portions, not that there's not enough food to satisfy them. Get a grip.

I did not say they ate enough food for 200 people. I said they ate most of the portions of cheese on a buffet meant to feed 200 people. Which was a hell of a lot of cheese, but cheese like that on a buffet is intended for everyone to take a small portion as part of a variety of other foods, taking into account that not everyone will choose to have cheese.
Cheese is a huge favourite of my brother's, and it seems his partner shares a similar love for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 00:24

Bess91 · 20/12/2025 23:45

He sound selfish and vile. I'm amazed what people will tolerate, but that wouldn't be stood for in my house. I can't believe you find it funny?

Show quote history

It's more like a "laugh or you'll cry" thing

OP posts:
Christmaswindows123 · 21/12/2025 00:24

I’ve seen a lot of helpful comments and a lot of unhelpful comments but

  1. you absolutely can not let people serve themselves but make them as late in the queue as you can for the plating
  2. you will have to make five times as many Yorkshire puddings roast potatoes and pigs as you think, all good leftovers
  3. I understand you can’t say anything
  4. mac and cauliflower cheese is a great plate filler for hungry people. The more pasta the better to fill the insatiable
  5. hide the good stuff and give them decoy stuff to distract them
  6. ignore the people who have said just say this etc. they don’t understand.
  7. you’re a kind person don’t let the miserable fuckers get to you.
Backtorealityerr · 21/12/2025 00:24

I would actually speak to him and explain that there is only so much food you can provide/ cater for.

Charminggoldfinch · 21/12/2025 00:31

You’re going to have to plate up the dinners op and then put extras on the table. You can always ask folk preferences if there’s anything they really don’t want to reduce waste. Your brother and his partner sound really selfish and inconsiderate both of others and of you as the host as you have gone to so much effort to prepare a lovely meal which all the guests don’t get to enjoy because of their greed. If they are genuinely eating because they are that hungry they either need to let the host know if advance to prepare extra portions, fill up before they arrive and/ or bring some extra side dishes etc themselves

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 21/12/2025 00:37

Absolutely disgusting. Tell him to have a large dose of Ozempic Xmas Eve. They're eating themselves to death.

Jk987 · 21/12/2025 00:40

Are they obese?
There’s obviously a problem…

Festivespirit85 · 21/12/2025 00:43

They both sound very gluttonous! I can't stand folk taking more than their fair share while others go without.
The suggestion that I gave to my best friend when she told me about her mother snagging more than her fair share of Yorkshire puds and her husband going without, was: plate food up in future, and if anyone moans, tell them if there weren't pigs amongst us, I wouldn't have to!

OneMintWasp · 21/12/2025 00:49

I would concentrate on making lots of the popular but cheap to make things like mash and roasties. Yorkshire puds you could get some supermarket value frozen ones as extra. Pile him and BILs plates high with that!?

If you want to stick to buffet style could you plate up so everyone gets something then put the rest out on the table for refils?

Not sure if you have young kids or not but sometimes we used to get them go round and take orders, make place names, call people to sit down in order etc so that might be a way to control things a bit without looking too confrontational (let the kids be the bossy ones!)

Pistachiocake · 21/12/2025 00:54

Some people just can't read the room/genuinely don't seem to notice stuff. I'm not excusing selfishness/rudeness, or trying to diagnose a condition online, but it is true that some adults seem to respond well to having things just pointed out as if they're 4. And some of these people are super smart, too. So plating things up, clearly saying we've only got x much of this, providing lots of cheaper stuff on stand by might help.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 21/12/2025 01:00

I think you’ll have to plate it up - buffet sounds lovely but you will be anxious about them taking too much. You can list what is on offer and check whether folk want ‘a bit of everything’ or not. Agree about extras on the table and still keep things back for Boxing Day if you need to - one plate of food each is enough and seconds should definitely be a bonus not an expectation.

Smiless · 21/12/2025 01:06

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

@xAwaywiththefairiesx I agree with earlier comments, fill them up before dinner with loads of snacks and goodies. Then for the main even I'd definitely plate their food. Sorry but you need to. Even if you only plate there's tell them they're guests of honour as you don't get the privilege of having them over often and so you want to spoil them and not have them have the hassle of plating their own.

Make sure to do an extra saucepan of soup for them and load them with soup and bread before the main course.

Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 01:12

Smiless · 21/12/2025 01:06

@xAwaywiththefairiesx I agree with earlier comments, fill them up before dinner with loads of snacks and goodies. Then for the main even I'd definitely plate their food. Sorry but you need to. Even if you only plate there's tell them they're guests of honour as you don't get the privilege of having them over often and so you want to spoil them and not have them have the hassle of plating their own.

Make sure to do an extra saucepan of soup for them and load them with soup and bread before the main course.

Show quote history

Ooh I like the guest of honour idea. I could easily get siblings to play along with that to.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 21/12/2025 01:15

xAwaywiththefairiesx

I am very sorry you had such a hard time growing up with our mum and alcoholic step dad.

I can completely image how this has impacted you and has probably been the reason behind your brothers eating problem.

I'm glad your brother has found someone to be happy with, but sorry he has the problem with eating.

I have OCD, it's very mild and has not ruled my life but it has contributed greatly to my overeating (disorder). I have been struggling with this for years and I completely understand how overeating can affect people.

I think in the very long run it would be wonderful if you brother came to realise his issues and tackle them, and maybe one day you can support him in that, but Christmas is not the time to tackle it.

PurpleSky300 · 21/12/2025 01:20

It does sound like he has some sort of binge eating disorder, to start with. But also a strange social obliviousness - how can an adult not see that taking a huge portion, or leaving other people without food is rude?

I was taught from childhood that in social situations like Xmas, you take the smallest amount that you can, first. You take less than you usually might in order to give others a fair share. And then when everyone has been served, you can have your 'seconds' or top up to whatever you might consider a normal portion.

I would never try to solve this by just cooking more. If I saw someone load up a humongous plate on Christmas Day I would physically stop them and ask them what the hell they were doing, and why they felt they needed 6 portions. I would completely embarrass them if I had to, it's just not on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2025 01:21

Plate the meat /yorkie/pigs and say helps self to veg

8 yorkies one time ? Do anyone else not had any ? I would never cook that many extra

i usually do 2 each and that’s it

Italiangreyhound · 21/12/2025 01:28

So, food. you asked

WWYD?

I am guessing there are various factors, the cost of food, but also the time to prepare it, storage space, especially for chilled or frozen food.

I know you have had a lot of answers already and so what I am going to say may be a repeat! And I really like this advice "Ask him and his partner to bring grazing nibbles as their contribution. Nuts, crackers, dips, etc. Just have them out buffet style for an hour or so first."

As others have said, I would make sure the main meal is plated up in the kitchen on Christmas day and any other main meals likewise. Serve the plates to people and don't make the dishes of food available generally. If you brother and his partner are quick eaters I would serve others first so they don't come back for seconds before everyone else has food. You can do this easily by going around the table clockwise or anti clockwise depending on where they sit.

As others have said do lots of veg and potatoes, one of the supermarkets has big bags of spuds for 15p! Maybe put a second or third tray of spuds in and a tray of roasted carrots and parsnips in the oven when you are eating so those can be leftovers or for any buffet.

I know fridge and freezer space are a premium over Christmas so have a supply of extra items that are both cheap and have long use by dates - sponge puddings or chocolate sponge (bomb), part-baked bread etc. So if your brother or any guests are still hungry later there are some carbs to fill up on! And if you want to be nice and healthy-eating minded have plenty of apples and tangerines in a bowl as those are cheap.

Keep the chocolates and special items out of sight, you don't need to supply this for all guests all the time, they will most likely get their own as presents anyway!

Have a wonderful Christmas, I think you deserve it. XX

PurpleSky300 · 21/12/2025 01:29

I am baffled by these replies about how OP will have to cook five times as much as usual, or concoct strategies to fill them up with something in advance. What in God's name?

You absolutely can say something and you should. You're an adult, babying other grown adults who have no regard for you.