Who makes packed lunch?

[Icantremembermyusername]

Hi! Looking for your thoughts because I am either the worst mum in the world, or just have average expectations.
DD (yr10 / 14 years old) asked if she could change from school dinners to packed lunches last September. I agreed, but only if she was responsible for washing her lunch box and preparing her meal. I buy all the ingredients but after years of packed lunches preparation, I’m done. She’s been having packed lunches since September.
She’s really pissed off. She thinks it’s too hard. That I should make her lunch. Also, I don’t make her breakfast unless it’s a special occasion.
(Single parent, produce tea every night, clean and launder, iron, provide mum taxi, spending money…)
I make minimal effort for my lunch. Half a tin of soup and 2 slices of bread. It’s not as if I’m making amazing lunches and excluding her!
Am I being “cruel” expecting a 14 year old to make her own breakfast (I do pancakes, etc, on weekends and for special occasions) and packed lunch without a fuss?
YABU - you should cater lunch
YANBU - she needs to make her own lunch

My 11 year old does his own lunch and breakfast! You are definitely not BU!

She's pulling a fast one lol.

The only teenagers I know who get a packed lunch made for them have parents who need to make them for younger siblings anyway.

My 13 and 15 year olds are expected to do their own lunch and breakfast

What does she expect for breakfast and in her lunch box that she finds too hard?

Surely she can easily do some toast or eat cereal? And a packed lunch doesn’t need much prep.

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to make it. The night before if that’s easier than in the morning.

No unreasonable at all. The 9yo makes their own breakfast and secondary school kids make their own packed lunch.

I didn’t expect my kids to make their own packed lunch until sixth form. DH does all breakfasts and packed lunches for us all. I do most evening meals and the kids are starting to get involved with the evening meal prep, with the oldest responsible for cooking at least one meal per week.

Oops I voted YABU by accident. I meant YANBU.

I make my teen DD’s lunch but only because I am making my own and it’s not hard to make an extra one. If I wasn’t doing that, I would expect her to make her own.

Depends how capable she is. Some 14 year olds are capable of making a proper lunch, others will only manage to throw together a cheese sandwich
I am guessing from the fuss, she is the latter which means doing her own might not provide good nutrition.
Could you make something together, bit less overwhelming than coming up with fresh ideas yourself.

Ridiculous. I've thought mums making cooked home made breakfasts for their family on a daily basis was phased out in the 1950s?!

Can she not operate a toaster or pour cereal and milk into a bowl?

Obviously she should make her own lunch. If she CBA to wash the box she can use foil or sandwich bags. Or take some of her pocket money to buy something if she's too lazy to slap a slice of ham between two slices of bread?!

My teen definitely gets his own breakfast and packed lunch from the very adequately supplied kitchen.

You could also suggest bulk prepping on the Sunday for the week if it's easier (I do this for work)

Cruel? Heck no! You’re teaching her to be independent.

Good idea.

My kids made their own breakfasts from age 8 or 9, and packed lunches when they went to secondary school if they didn’t fancy the school lunch menu.

Not a chance I’d be regularly pandering to a 14 year old!

I did make my teen DD packed lunch but, I think teens in the main are perfectly capable of doing this.
What does she like?
Sandwiches? Make a weeks worth on Sunday and freeze them.
Leftovers? Get a flask.
But a weeks worth of snacks and fruit - it does literally take minutes to put lunch together. Do it the night before and pop in the fridge

If a 14 year old can't be arsed to do more than make a cheese sandwich for themselves, then a cheese sandwich is what they'll have for lunch.

But 'incapable' my arse. Outside of any SN (which the OP hasn't mentioned) they'll be perfectly capable of doing more.

At that age I was making my packed lunch, but mum made my older brother's.

If she doesn't want to make them then she can have school dinners.

I repeatedly have to tell my DC that not every meal can or should be a gourmet extravaganza. Food is eaten before it goes off, in healthy quantities and proportions and it’s an added bonus if you find it delicious. End of story. At 14yo your DD needs to accept this - but like most 14yo just wants to eat fast and junk food for the dopamine 🙄

She is “capable” of making spaghetti bolognese when she wants to, so I think she is capable of putting together a packed lunch!

What’s her justification for expecting you to do it?

My DD is exactly the same age, she decided to do a combination of packed lunch and school dinners this year (so usually 4 days packed lunch and school dinner on Fridays!).
I buy ingredients and she makes the lunches and is responsible for cleaning her lunchbox or bringing it downstairs so it can go in the dishwasher.
Sometimes I make her lunch if she’s busy or doing lots of homework etc, but 80% of the time she does it herself.
Also no I never make her breakfast, only sometimes on the weekends

Ask her if she wants you to wipe her bum as well, cheeky young lady.
She is capable so unless she breaks an arm or goes blind she gets to make her own pack up or back the school dinners if she's too lazy.

Maybe look at other age appropriate life skills you can start teaching her in the New Year.

I'm not single but neither am I home at lunchtime during the week- my youngest is 14 and makes his own lunch in the holidays and sorts his own in term time too (though then he buys it sometimes) and has never complained about that.

He and his brother cook the evening meal once per week (they do this together because they negotiated this a couple of years ago) - cook always chooses what we have, so we have homemade pizza or homemade burgers more often than we would if I set the meal plan... They do occasionally complain about cooking in the evening but still do it.

I only had packed lunches for trips, but I did them myself as soon as I was able to. Definitely much younger than 14.
Same for breakfasts.