Who makes packed lunch?

[Icantremembermyusername]

Hi! Looking for your thoughts because I am either the worst mum in the world, or just have average expectations.
DD (yr10 / 14 years old) asked if she could change from school dinners to packed lunches last September. I agreed, but only if she was responsible for washing her lunch box and preparing her meal. I buy all the ingredients but after years of packed lunches preparation, I’m done. She’s been having packed lunches since September.
She’s really pissed off. She thinks it’s too hard. That I should make her lunch. Also, I don’t make her breakfast unless it’s a special occasion.
(Single parent, produce tea every night, clean and launder, iron, provide mum taxi, spending money…)
I make minimal effort for my lunch. Half a tin of soup and 2 slices of bread. It’s not as if I’m making amazing lunches and excluding her!
Am I being “cruel” expecting a 14 year old to make her own breakfast (I do pancakes, etc, on weekends and for special occasions) and packed lunch without a fuss?
YABU - you should cater lunch
YANBU - she needs to make her own lunch

My teens make their own breakfast.
I do the lunches, as I'm making mine, and it's 5 times faster (and 100 times less stress and mess) to do it in triplicate than have 3 of us all trying to do it separately. BUT if anyone wants anything more complicated than a sandwich, bag of crisps and piece of fruit, they are on their own - DS1 went through a phase of taking noodles or pasta in a flask. He was on his own for that.

I did actually make everyone’s packed lunch but it was because I am very fast and did them while making dinner, they had other jobs. I stopped doing all DS laundry at 13, he had to change his sheets and clean his own room.

My dc made their own from beginning of secondary school, from 14 (they changed school at 14) they had a budget each month and could choose to buy food at school (dd1 did) or buy packed lunch stuff and pocket the difference (dd2, always more enterprising did this though I think the spare money was going on booze i discovered later!)

Dh, ds and myself had packed lunches everyday so either me or DH would make them. Basic stuff sandwich, crisps, fruit, yoghurt biscuit, drink, every day. If Ds decided he'd like soup/noodles sometimes, he had to make that himself.

No, it's good for her to do jobs like this. Your job is preparing her for adulthood, her job is to learn how to look after herself. Fair enough to step in very occasionally but she should be doing tasks like this as a matter of course (albeit with some complaining about it, that's par for the course). It's relatively simple - and I say relatively because handling knives seems to be something that not everybody finds easy - and helps pave the way to doing more complex cooking, etc.

Doing stuff like putting on a sensible washing machine load, unloading the dishwasher, getting pets fed, folding laundry and putting it away, planning and prepping meals and other household tasks will make your dc more confident as the list of the stuff they can do competently grows.

My kids are much older than yours but I still do their packed lunches, I even do my husbands. It's my way of looking after them all.

That’s you and your choice. The op has already listed plenty of other ways she looks after her daughter.

If you do absolutely everything for your kids, it can actually cause problems later - they do need to learn some level of independence instead of mummy doing everything for them.

I've got another 11 year old who makes her own. She had to make her own in Y5/6 as well so if she wanted packed lunch she did it. We (DH and I) made it for holiday clubs as she had no choice there.
She currently gets it from the dining hall and complains about the daily limit we've set.

• What lunches is he making that ‘take ages’?
• Why is it an issue how long he takes?
• Does he do any other chores?

This might not be the case here, but I keep hearing about all these grown men who move on with their partners after living with mums who ‘did everything’ and expect their partners to do the same.

My DS is doing his A-levels and I still make his packed lunch every day and get up a few minutes earlier than I need to to make his breakfast. I absolutely understand why other people don't want to do this for their children, but my mum made scrambled eggs on toast for me every day until I moved out - I always appreciated it and I'm still a perfectly competent adult.

He does help out a bit - emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming etc - but his dad and I do most things for him. He's far from my little prince though and I do remind him that when he's living with somebody else, it will have to be 50/50!

Once they start secondary they make their own packed lunches.
Anything else encourages learnt helplessness.
My oldest are at university and have flatmates who can’t even clean or cook!
Teaching children basic skills is often left too late. Responsibility for chores is one of them.

They are quite capable of making a packed lunch at that age. She doesn't want to.

I have a 13 year old and I make his packed lunch. It takes a few minutes. I also put his pants and socks out with his uniform ready for school. My youngest, 9, has school lunch but if he wanted a packed lunch I’d make his too. They also do no chores in the house which seems to be an unusual thing on Mumsnet.

You are projecting here. Not a single thing in the OP would suggest that any of what you have written applies to her household. It's actually quite insulting to the OP that you are gently encouraging her to look at the supplies. Again, nothing suggests that she is an eat to live person. Her own lunch is soup and bread, a perfectly normal lunch the world over.

I made my school packed lunch since y7. But it instilled me good habits as at 42 I still make my packed lunch! It’s not my fav job so I try to make it super easy. I like Warburton thins so I make up 12 with ham or cheese and freeze them so I can pull them out of the freezer into my lunch bag with crisp/yogurt or soup. No faff. Could she try that?

Of course I’m projecting? I’m sharing my experience. What an odd thing to say.

A cheese sandwich is a proper lunch

Yes, but dont assume that because you had a shit parent that OP is also a shit parent. It is very condescending to suggest to someone that they might not have adequate supplies to feed their family. The only problem the OP appears to have is a lazy 14 year old that would much rather someone else made her lunch.

If it’s too much effort for her why on earth doss she think it wouldn’t be too much effort for you ? Remind her you earn the money to buy the food , which takes time and effect, you buy the food which takes time and effort and she is growing up and needs to learn / in only 4 years she might be having to make all her meals herself

Wow this is a bit of a sad attitude to have for food. It's pretty much the opposite of what we tell our kids.

We make our DS packed lunch. He's always hungry and frankly those who have referred to throwing some ham between two slices of bread - that's not really a great lunch for a growing teen.

Food's important in our house, DH makes extra portions of dinner and pops it in a flask for DS's lunch in the morning. He can do this himself and frequently cooks on weekends but he has an early start and a long journey to school. It's our job to make sure he's well fed as parents. It's the least and the most basic thing we can do tbh so I can't understand some of these posts.

But yeah if people are happy for their kid to have a crappy ham sandwich and crisps like it's the 1980s let your kids make their own packed lunch

I made my kids packed lunch whilst they were in school. Trust me I was also well over it by the end with 3 kids and 14yrs between eldest and youngest.

Ok but warbuton thins are really insubstantial for a growing teen. And your lunch has no fruit or veg and not enough protein. Fine for you but not what I would want my teen to eat every day. Sounds a bit joyless tbh.

Of course she wants you to do it. If I could get someone to do my packed lunch I would. That doesn't mean you should do it though.
My DDs have been making packed lunches since they started secondary school. I do still make DSs as he's only 5
Neither of them really eat breakfast but if they do they're capable of using the toaster.

YANBU but there are different ways to cut it. In our house DH makes everyone's packed lunches (including mine and his) in one go in the morning. Everyone gets their own breakfast. I wash up in the morning.

In the evening Everyone takes turns cooking and washing up. Secondary school aged child makes a family meal once a week. Me and OH both cook. Primary school aged child helps as learning to cook.

Maybe swap some lunches with some teas?

She's old enough to make her own packed lunch. As long as there is enough suitable food in the fridge there shouldn't be a problem.
She has a choice of either making her own packed lunch or having school dinners if making her lunch is "too hard".
She's only 4 years off becoming an adult and once you are an adult you are responsible for making sure you are adequately fed three times a day (or however often you eat) for the rest of your life.
Her making her own lunch (or deciding to have school dinners) and breakfast is easing her in gently to what she'll need to do once she is an adult and leaves home.