Who makes packed lunch?

[Icantremembermyusername]

Hi! Looking for your thoughts because I am either the worst mum in the world, or just have average expectations.
DD (yr10 / 14 years old) asked if she could change from school dinners to packed lunches last September. I agreed, but only if she was responsible for washing her lunch box and preparing her meal. I buy all the ingredients but after years of packed lunches preparation, I’m done. She’s been having packed lunches since September.
She’s really pissed off. She thinks it’s too hard. That I should make her lunch. Also, I don’t make her breakfast unless it’s a special occasion.
(Single parent, produce tea every night, clean and launder, iron, provide mum taxi, spending money…)
I make minimal effort for my lunch. Half a tin of soup and 2 slices of bread. It’s not as if I’m making amazing lunches and excluding her!
Am I being “cruel” expecting a 14 year old to make her own breakfast (I do pancakes, etc, on weekends and for special occasions) and packed lunch without a fuss?
YABU - you should cater lunch
YANBU - she needs to make her own lunch

Another vote for bulk prepping. I help ds make his on a Sunday. Wraps are his thing at the minute. Chicken and salad or taco mince, cheese and lettuce.

That sounds brilliant @Mathsdebator but how do you get taco mince and lettuce to last for days pre-prepped? Doesn't the lettuce go soggy and brown? I've never mastered prepping anything sandwich based ahead.

School dinners are unbelievably grim. My kids used to take the previous nights leftovers. Yes, this meant I’d have to make enough food, but it worked pretty well. They were also in charge of cleaning up after dinner.

Breakfast? No way. It’s every man for himself in the mornings.

My Ds is younger, but I probably would expect him to make the bulk but help with either some prep on Sunday or make something to go with it.

For example I might make a batch of blueberry muffins and they can take the first few days, or help roasting some veg for pasta or couscous or leftovers roast meat for sandwiches or rolls the Monday/ Tuesday

Do they have a food thermos? As then they can warm up leftovers or fresh soups (bought from fridge section) some mornings.

I just know I ate terribly as a teen as I couldn’t be bothered to prep or buy in stuff, so just bought corner shop junk mainly. So some help of checking what they want, having food in etc would have benefited.

@SchoolDilemma17making your own lunch and working in the mines are pretty different??!!
I have a 14 year old who makes his own lunch and breakfast.
as a parent, it is our responsibility to teach our kids to adult.
I’m not suggesting a mine?!!

Did you suggest to tell a child to piss off?

@SchoolDilemma17- this is an adult forum. Yes, I said piss off. The parent has the adult ability to make a decision how they speak to their child. It was not an order. Don’t be so dramatic.

I'd probably do it but if you don't want to then don't!

Why doesn’t a 13 year old have any chores? How and when are you expecting them to learn? Magically, aged 18/21/30? Will they never learn, because they will live with you forever? Or will it never be an issue, as the plan is for them to have staff?

But once in a while not every day. Its like beans on toast for dinner.

Mine made their breakfast from around 4 years old and packed lunches, if they wanted them from about half way through primary school. They've always had the choice of school dinners if they didn't want to make lunch. Eldest did a mix, middle had school dinners, youngest has always had packed lunch.

It's not just about not wanting to do it myself. It's about life skills/independence for them. I remember going to university and some students had no idea how to cook/wash up/clean. It was a real shock to the system for them.

There's a real issue with teens in (my) school sitting passively in the classroom waiting to be spoon fed everything and not thinking/doing for themselves. Children need to learn that they are capable of taking responsibility and that they don't have to always wait for the adults to do it for them.

My 18 and 15 year old make their own breakfast. But I make their packed lunches.
If they are at home for lunch then they make their own. They often make their own dinners . And at least once a week the 18 year old cooks dinner for the whole family .

But I always do the packed lunch . I'm.doing my own anyway and it just gives them a bit of extra time to get ready in the morning

I do dhs and 18 yr old dds pack up when I do mine. Just as easy for me to make 3 as 1. They get what they're given.
Dd has been home alone for breakfast since about 14.
I dont cook weekday tea. She comes in at different times and is fussy. I do cook on weekends when we all sit down together.

I definitely wouldn't be making a packed lunch for a teen. They can either make it or take money and buy lunch like I do because I hate making lunch boxes too.

When I wanted to change from school lunches to packed lunch I knew I would have to volunteer to make them myself if I was to be allowed to do it at all. Of course a 14 yr old can manage. She might reflect that as she grows away from you, as she is bound to, and almost bound to be gagging to some time, it will be a good thing to have life skills like this to help her do that.

There is nothing wrong with a cheese sandwich as often as you fancy it. Alongside some fruit and veg of course bit the sandwich itself if a fine start.

Less than 4 years away from being an adult and making a sandwich is "too hard"? Nah. Get her making dinner a couple of nights a week as well - and doing some cleaning and laundry. Assume she'll be going to university at 18 and the aim is to have her fully capable of feeding herself and doing basic chores by then.

Yabu. Why is it such a hardship to make her lunch? Yes she probably can, but if you can do it why are you so mean? It doesn’t really mean that they will end up as lazy good for nothings.
my mum made my lunch till I left school and if I’m around her she will fix a plate for me. No expectation from her to do that, just lovingly does it.
My mum also could think up much more tasty and better lunches than me at 14.

"Why is it such a hardship to make her lunch?"

Well exactly. A question for the daughter.

Yes if it's no hardship then why can't her DD do it

I think if you’ve bought suitable ingredients for a packed lunch and had a chat about ideas for what she could put in it/prep tips, it’s entirely reasonable to expect her to do the rest.

I would loon for a small victory perhaps and ask what you can do to help her. As you say it’s often the lunchbox issue that’s actually a bigger deal than making an easy sandwich. Perhaps you can meet her halfway and say if the lunchbox is clean on the counter at 7.30 you’ll happily make her a sarnie. But it’ll be the same every day. If she expects different or the box isn’t there then you’re not doing it. Then after a couple of weeks throw in a ‘I’m tight on time on Mondays now so you’ll need to make your own on this day’ etc etc

Is it executive functioning she’s struggling with? One meal (spag bol) is easier than recurring lunches. It might help to offer some scaffolding: finding ideas, planning, shopping, preparing etc. Definitely NBU not to do it for her, but we can all use help starting a ne routine and it may even be an opportunity to liven up your own lunches too?