Boss has amnesia

[Whatstfpoint]

I need to vent. I feel so unseen and dismissed at work. I cannot get over the latest incident. My manager asked me months ago if I would be up for leading a team to which I said yes. He said great and that the change would be made in a few months.

I was already managing some people in an informal way so thought I'm happy to continue until the it's being made formal.

Turns out my boss forgot the conversation ever took place. The change is six months overdue, he didn't initiate the necessary conversations with his bosses etc.

I feel like such a mug for keeping things together and basically managing work when it wasn't even my role yet. I have dropped what I can to make it his problem and just focus on my own work.

I feel so upset and even betrayed. I'm angry that I work for such a moron. I can't even speak to him because I'm so angry.

I get that. I did all this a few years ago. It was so exhausting it completely spoiled the promotion for me.

Either he is incompetent or gaslighting/future faking you.

Document all meetings/conversations in an email. Doesn’t need to be detailed. Just to confirm our conversation with bullet points and a date to follow up. Put a meeting in the diary for that date and forward the email in advance to prompt his memory.

He probably will continue to be shit but this is your way of letting him know you won’t be fooled and know what is happening.

I’d actually look to get away from because this will rot you from the inside.

Yes I agree with you. I manage him in a million different ways with emails etc. every single week. I started building a paper trail about something else a while ago. I got confused, sidetracked and a bit deluded so I didn't do it for this issue too.

I thought about getting out but this job's package is SO good I will probably have to become suicidal to jump ship. I do screen the market but open positions are few and usually more junior. I am not at the stage where I'm willing to loose money because of this prick.

I didn’t mean to be condescending - but saying that you don’t want to talk about it now, refusing to chase him in on and saying you don’t want it now even if he makes it happen just seems weirdly petty - it’s not punishing your manager, it’s just punishing you.

Unless, you’re his PA and it’s your job to manage him then it might be best to step back then.

Reframe him in your mind as someone you can’t rely on. The boss who doesn’t care or have your back. Take anything he says with a pinch of salt. Do what you have but to do withdraw your energy from him.

Unless something else comes up internally then hopefully the powers that be will see through him. I tend to think that truth always rises to the surface eventually.

Also, if he winds you up then step back and sleep on things before responding. It sounds like he could easily wind you up and you really don’t want to stoop to his level.

you've just gotten tired and have given up. we feel your pain
Can say i blame you for feeling let down. you have been through no fault of your own. However that won’t get you what you want.

instead of throwing your toys out the pram and flouncing, you need to manage him again. yes it’s a pain in the arse. yes you shouldn’t have to. but yes you do have to.

No point in asking for advice here if you’re not going to take it and just want to keep doing what you suggested about not helping him. but how dies that help you get a raise?

We are all saying vent away and then go for what you want and manipulate him into giving you what you deserve.

Dont give up.
you're just worn down.
but you can do this.

get your finger out and get on with emailing him. word it carefully. reference what was said re dates. set up a meeting to discuss the way forward. if necessary print the email and put it on his desk. Doing this shite now will be worth it when you get your job you want.

Dont give up. This not helping him won’t help you. Put yourself first and stop cutting off your nose. email hr if he pisses about.

mif nothing comes if that by all means dont help him. i’d suggest a new job too.

I HAVE NOT ASKED FOR ADVICE

I get where you are coming from, but I'm literally putting myself first by dropping a few things. He doesn't remember anything anyway so he won't remember whether or not I helped him on this or that occasion. If he asks I will help. But I have been proactive, preempting etc and this has stopped. It's better for me.

It's ok to do on occasion, but this took a scale that is so exhausting, not remenbered and therefore has no value. If I need anything at all I literally have to start a campaign of chasing and reminding. This fucking prick. So now work won't get done or won't get done on time or this client complaint will fall through the cracks because I haven't reminded him and this will then have to escalate.

I don't need the raise. I was never desperate for the job. I don't even care about the job that much as I would still have to deal with him. It's more about the appalling treatment I have been given and tbh the shock when I realised he didn't fucking remember.

you come on mumsnet and think youre not going to get advice. it’s mumsnet 🤣

im not the only one here who thinks youre making a mistake giving it “woe is me” and feeling sorry for yourself and angry at us when you may just have to push a bit more to get what you want.

oh well. give up. whatever.
that way you'll never become what you want. then you’ll have more to feel sorry about and enjoy wallowing in even more misery.

or get your finger out and make that useless bastard give you what you rightfully deserve.

ive got a friend like you. always moaning about things and quite rightly too. But then approaches them in a way that won’t get her the answer she wants. and gives in.

i’ve had to walk away as it’s so frustrating. shes so close and no cigar. the box is right there. put your hand in and line one up, but no.

dont become her. this is your chance. go for it. dont let him steer your course. steer it yourself.

i won't reply again don’t worry. it’s too hard to watch someone deserving give up. i do hope you get what you want and it works out for you though.

@TalulahJP you are still assuming it's about the job I might get. It isn't. Not everyone is after every possible promotion. I already have everything I want except a functional work environment.

It seems really hard to understand for you that one can be ambivalent about a promotion. I'm in a golden cage so any extra pay rise is for pension age which I may or may not see. It makes no difference for me. I'm staying for the rest of the package I already have which will be worth much more than a measly promotion.

This is about the human side of things I'm so disappointed with. Its a massive mind fuck.

So you wait till you're less upset.

If you come on here, you can't really dictate the responses you get.